Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

The hubs arrived. I measured lengths of them required to calculate spoke lengths; pitch circles and flange distances. I used spoke calculators on the Web and I myself made an Excel sheet to calculate. Front: 28 holes, 3-cross => 298mm Rear: 32 holes, 3-cross => 294mm for left and 292mm for right. I'm ordering the spokes early in the morning. I could do right after now, but this would prevent my good sleep.

This morning I woke up at 4 a.m. I could go back to sleep, but suddenly I wanted to drink a canned coffee. I silently went out of home and jogged to a vending machine nearby. The road was covered with hard packed snow. I jogged 800 meters, and got a hot canned coffee. It was 5 a.m. I saw a man delivering newspapers by motorcycle. It was dark, perhaps as dark as in the middle of night early in the morning of winter, with LED lights in the roadside, relatively lighter than years ago.

This time I was able to communicate to order a business suit. The other day in last October I couldn't, and I felt great stress. I waited three months, and when I saw a blot post about a bargain, I decided to visit the shop again. The payment will be tomorrow, and I receive the product a month later.

I feel I owe a lot to public because I often can't behave good enough. I sometimes think what I can do for someone else. I have strong obsession that most people see me as strange. Sometimes it is hard for me to drive out the idea that "someone even think that they want me to disappear." I haven't said in that way since I entered high school. When I was in elementary school and in junior high school, some students said me that way. I and they didn't know what to speak and how to respect each other, even though they are different and they think and do things really differently. I reflect on myself now and then and I notice I'm still under the effect of this remark really hurtful to me, and really influential. (When I was 11 years old I even thought that it was the best way for classmates and parents that I would disappear, and one concrete means was dying. It was only after 25 years later that at least my parents wouldn't think that they want me to disapp...

Don't be worried too much. I said to myself, set for the work for the week. How many times am I going to see dreams before I wake up next morning? I saw 2 to 3 times every night last week. In one episode, I had set the alarm, but at the wrong time, and I hurried to start, then I heard the real alarm. I really had set the alarm at the right time.

At first I didn't feel so good that I would be able to continue skiing until noon. I even thought that I leave right after I skied 1 hour. After all I skied 3 hours. It was cold and a bit too windy, but not so much as to prevent lifts. Weather wasn't bad, and course condition was excellent, so I enjoyed speed, but I was beaten so many times by bumps.

Wheel building and skiing, this weekend will be as busy as weekdays. There is no time to worry.

Rims arrived without a major problem. From Bike 24. It took 9 days. I was surprised how big the package was, although it weighed less than 1.5 kg. Next time I'm going to order hubs. Also I'm checking nipples and washers, if there are numbers enough to assemble.

Today I'm going to come home late (around 9 P.M.), in order to attend a monthly meeting for adults with developmental disorders, supported by the city. I'm concerned about my shortage of sleep these days, and mental tiredness from it. If I won't see my laptop after I'm home, I will be able to turn in sleep early enough......

Longer sleep, and longer dream too. My tiredness still continues. It takes patient cares to return to the normal condition.

Being scolded is better than alienated. The latter even doesn't give the chance to learn or grow.

Almost red light in my mental state. I'm losing minimum communication faculty to ask for a help. Top priority on Sunday is having a rest, especially of mind. When my mental state is really bad, I often lose the capability of communication, especially asking for a help, by telling someone (a key person or a mentor is desirable) that I'm in distress. A few years ago, I was stack in that bad state several times, I perceive I was losing my voice or losing the capability to make sense by my voice. Some people saw me, with eyes looking at a strange thing when I tried to asked for help in vain, moving my mouth but making no sound or no comprehensive words, nobody dared to help. When I'm able to tell someone that I need help, there is high possibility that someone offers help, but when I'm too distressed to make sense, this possibility will be much lower. Well this may not be real fatal danger, when I feel bad in my mind, but I'm really scared as well as people around...

This afternoon I trued and dished the real wheel of my bike. I began 3 p.m. after I was back from skiing training. It wasn't good to begin wheel tuning late in the afternoon, because it takes more than 3 hours to do all the processes. Detaching the wheel, getting rid of the tire and tube to set on the truing stand, checking spoke tensions, truing, dishing, and set the tire on the wheel and the wheel on the bike again. This time I used Park Tool spoke tension meter. I found that the tension of spokes are a little bit too strong, some of ones on the drive side were more than 150kgf, so at first I weakened the tension a bit first. Then I trued and dished. Especially dishing was the problem. I found that the wheel is about 3-4 mm aligned to the non-drive side. The tensions of spokes there seemed too strong. After truing and dishing finished, I checked some of the spokes again. Tensions weren't even even as to on one each side. Those of non-drive side was quite serious. Some mea...

I'm preparing for buildings wheels for my road bike. This week I ordered rims from Bike24, a bike shop in Germany. If I'm lucky enough, I'm going to get the parts I ordered within a week. Then I'm going to order hubs, measure the dimensions of rims and hubs, calculate spoke lengths, and then order the spokes. It won't be until those spokes arrive that I really begin to lace them. There are given formulas to calculate lengths and even online calculators in which the lengths are automatically calculated after you choose rims and hubs, if their dimension data have already been registered. However, just out of curiosity, I wanted to calculate formula by myself, drawing figures. This is a simple problem of plain geometry, but at first I struggled with it for a week, unable to find a clue. Then I recalled "The Law of cosines". I learned this law when I was in the first year of high school, in a math class. At that time it wasn't so difficult to underst...

My efforts are fully acknowledged, but a lot of physical tasks - chores and daily reports are still in front of me.

Jogging 1.6 kilometer at 7:50 p.m. It was fine and warm in the day, and also, at night I saw stars in the sky, but it has gotten a little bit windy. I was thinking about training plan for the half marathon 4 months later. Would I jog to Sendai station? I usually take train to get there. I got there a few times by bike last year. When should I start if I want to get there and back all the way jogging before breakfast? Its distance is at least 26 kilometer, and I guess it takes more than 3 hours, so I should start earlier than 5 a.m. I should give up on the way (there or back) and decide to take a train if my pace is slower than expected.

I'm struggling in the quality of my sleeping. In order to cope with stress, good sleep is essential. One factor that prevent my good sleep is probably I surf the Net at night. I typically stop browsing and leave my laptop around 9:30 p.m., but this is not early enough to go to sleep 10:00 p.m., which helps ideal sleep for me. I'm thinking that it would be better idea, to totally offline at night, and I browse the Web early in the morning, but it's not easy for me to give up surfing the Web at night.

Worse results on eye sight, hypertension, and height. These may be indicating hidden tiredness and results of bad habits of eating and working. These results were discouraging, but finishing all check up processes without major trouble relieved me greatly.

Tomorrow morning the annual medical checkup is awaiting. I have to wait until it ends before I have breakfast. I guess it will be a bit past 10 a.m. Then I will go to the regular workplace. It's a bit tough when I eat something to relieve my stress, but it's only 10 hours of patience.

Last Thursday an wheel truing stand arrived, and this morning I tried on the front wheel of my road bike. As it is a budget one (Minoura FT-1 Portable Wheel Truing Stand plus a dishing tool FCG-310), at first I wasn't sure if it works. At first it took time to set up the tool and getting rid of the tire and tube of the wheel, but in a few hours, I found that both the truing stand and the dishing tool work enough if I work with them a bit patiently, and as long as I don't require less than 0.1 mm precision. For the next weekend, I plan to true the rear wheel, and if I make it with this, I advance the plan to build wheels for this spring.

Skiing was good. On Saturday. Weather was good. My mood on the train home was bad. Over pace at work on weekdays still affects my mind.

I worked through this week relatively in shape, but at last the train home I had gotten almost wreck. I didn't notice that until after 5 minutes after I was on board. I got restless, and then fainted, and even after somebody gave up seat for me, I was unsettled. Suddenly a thought occurred to me "Set yourself silent mode when crowded". I see frequently stickers on a train telling mobile phone etiquette, reading "Set your mobile phone to silent mode on board, and please turn off in the vicinity of priority seats when crowded." I don't have a mobile phone, but all the same, I'm supposed to pay full respect to etiquette when I'm on board a train.

Finally I was able to register for the Sendai International Half Marathon for this year. I accessed the registration site at 8:00 p.m. yesterday, waited for 6 minutes for the information page being displayed, and waited another 8 minutes to advance to the entry form. It was 8:22 p.m. that I ended all entry processes including the payment of entry fee with a credit card. The race will be due 4 month after, the second Sunday of May. I want to keep in shape, and do some training for the race in 4 months.

I'm set to register for the Sendai International Half Marathon. The registration site open tonight. It's first come, first served, however it's actually a kind of lottery because the sight will be so crowded that each visitor on the site have to wait 30 seconds, and still it's not certain if they are actually served right after the 30 seconds pass. If you're lucky enough you'll advance to next page, and take the next step, but you'll have to repeat this "30 second lottery precess" for several times. I hope to register for the race, but I'm not thinking that registration is for granted even if I access the registration site on the due time the site will open.

The first work days ended. I was able to do the work for the day, without a major trouble. This is thanks to helps from many directions, helps from the workplace, and helps from my family.

The first work day for this year is going to rainy and windy, perhaps stormy because of a huge low pressure system. I have to take earlier action for start, checking properties I'm going to take with and what to wear, and check information on public transportation.

Tomorrow, Coming of the Age Day, is the last day of new year holiday. The day after tomorrow, I go to work for the first time in the year 2018. I'm a little bit nervous, but getting there is the best first step of work, and what to do next will come after I achieve this. I always remind this when I'm nervous when I'm about to go to work, and I also would like to send this word for those who are nervous about if they can do well at work, perhaps which can make their feet heavier. "Getting there is the best first step."

Samba setup on my old laptop and the virtual machines on my new laptop has come to a deadlock. As for the old laptop, the problem is probably low communication quality of the wireless LAN. As for the virtual machines SELinux seems to the problem. I did a few configurations on Fedora 7 run on the VMWare Player of my new laptop, created a host-only network adapter, and finally visible to Windows Explorer (the Network folder), but still can't really access to files in it. It isn't so difficult to acquire knowledge of the Samba server required in LPIC 202, learning commands and configuration files, but it is really difficult for me to actually set up OS and start communications, really functioning as a file server, even with minimum setting. Just disabling SELinux may be one solution, if I just want to check that a host work as a file server with Samba settings, but it's not realistic to continue on this for security reason, because it will be expected that setting up a se...

My USB Sound Blaster was out of order after Christmas. Sounds from the left speaker was low and, overall quality of sound was down. At first I thought it was the problem of the active speakers (Fostex PM0.3) and their cabling, but when I plugged the stereo jack into the headphone jack of the on-board sound, both of the speaker was OK. Thus I know it was the problem of the Sound Blaster. From then on, I connected the active speakers to the on-board headphone plug to listen to the sound of my PC. On board sound was so poor that I thought of getting new Sound Blaster, maybe smaller one like "Sound Blaster Play". When I searched Amazon for it, I hesitated to get one because its satisfaction rate wasn't very high. On the page of the product, I saw another suggestion of a USB sound car with a third the price of Sound Blaster Play (2,400 yen). Its price tag was about 800 yen and free of shipment. That was a tenth I had paid for my Sound Blaster (used, with no USB cable, worked a...

I'm working on configuring Samba. Finally my Linux laptop have gotten visible to my Windows laptop, but for now I can't really communicate each other. SSH connection is not always successful either. In my current setting, I use wireless LAN, and network connection is not always stable. When I pinged from the Linux laptop to the Windows laptop 50 times, it was successful 48 times, and packet loss happened twice. When my Linux laptop connected with a wire to the router, ssh connection was successful. I connected from Windows PC using TeraTerm. When each host is connected through wireless LAN, the user name and password were required but I couldn't advance any further even after I enter the user name and the password for the account. I didn't even receive rejection message. The instability of wireless network connection may be one reason why communication between my PCs isn't fully successful. I'm planning PC communication test with my 2 laptops connected wit...

I installed Samba on my old laptop which CentOS6 has been installed. I'll configure the workgroup and users the other day. To configure a server, I have to know how Windows PCs communicate in a network as well as Linux PCs do.

I work for an IT service company as a disabled employee. It looks like I'm doing well for a disabled worker, and I contribute to the morale of the work place to some extent. Sometime I imagine that what if I worked as a regular employee there and do the same work as typical regular employees without disability. Duties, and working condition of them, I guess, require a lot of flexibility in behaviors and communications. I also would have to decide more myself for the team, for the workplace, for clients, and for the company. I'm not sure if my mental state is durable enough for these duties for regular workers, but it's still worth, I suppose, for thinking of the possibility of my being able to work the same or even better than regular workers, while I make even more effort to know more about IT industries.

I wish you happy new year 2018. The first day of the year was a bit nervous, but it's good that I haven't been caught cold, and my family haven't either. For this year, I'm thinking of acquiring the LPIC level 2 certificate, and building wheels for my road bike.