Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Recently I've been involved in a conflict on a blog community for people with Asperger's Syndrome. The beginning was one blogger posted an article that show a doubt about the authenticity of the diagnosis of another blogger in that community. The other blogger showed the evidence, but the confusion became much larger and much complex when a lot of readers of both blogs threw comments on each blog, some of which were too emotional and unproductive, and some were even threatening. I tried to communicate in this conflict in the way as productive as possible, but it was impossible to prevent the breakdown. I engaged my whole communication energy into pacifying this conflict for my fellow who share the communication difficulty - especially the limitation to understand other person's imperfection -, and this has left me with little energy - thirst - for having contact with media and fellows with English. I'm unfortunately losing contact with one blogger I strongly...

Being aware of responsibility to the group I belong in was important, but seeking leadership by ignoring the one God establishes was wrong. Just pray for leaders God has chosen and ask Him for fill them with holy spirit. And I hope to serve to the best of my capacity.

Lord, I L O V ... blush it's so embarrassing. Every time I read Bible and listen Bible message, I brush whenever I here l*** as in "God is l***" (*^^*)

In university, I managed to go to classroom, ant there were a lot of students. A group of students were chatting together over topics of hobbies and games I was interested in. I wanted to join, but, after two years of sick leave, I didn't know them at all. The thing I wanted to talk was in my brain and on the tip of my tongue, and finally my mouth began to move. The students seemed not to turn attention to me, and I couldn't really take an action to address them. It was as if there had been a barrier between them and us. At that time, I explained this sense of alienation as the distance of one round earth trip i.e. 40,000 kilometers.

Platforms for local trains are 920 mm high, and ones for Shinkansen bullet train are 1,100 mm high. Platforms for commuting trains in large city areas are also 1,100 mm, so when trains designed for these areas arrive to a platform in local train area, there is a gap from the platform to the floor of the train car. In the past platforms used to be 760 mm high, but most platforms of JR line is either 920 mm or 1,100 mm high. When riding on a local train, you usually have to climb one step inside the car from the entrance to the main floor of the train. A new train which has been introduced recently is designed as barrier-free train, has low floor, and has no gap from platform to the floor of the train. Barrier-free train design is desirable, but managing two heights of the platforms may be preventing the train carriers from realizing it.

Actually I couldn't behave at the talk session at the very beginning, because although I was just in time I haven't finished my lunch yet, and when lunch was done, the orientation had already begun, and I got tons of direction which I could have easily imagined with my intuition, and which interrupted me greatly. This really was a obstacle preventing me from break the ice from the beginning. It was clear that I need to some time to calm myself and meditate what I should do next. Fortunately one of the staff are kind enough to listen to what I had done that was exciting while I was taking a rest. The topic unexpectedly went deeply into the experience when I was student and when I discussed peace, being denied my feeling when I had heard the opinion about the Second World War from the viewpoint of American students. Sharing these kind of story was not bad, but I wasn't there to share what only I want to talk about. I was there to share the story that other comers also wanted ...

Saturday afternoon was talk session. Members discussed themselves, job, hobby, love.

Jogged 12.1km but run out of energy at 7 km after I felt my left knee hurt. It was after I swam unexpectedly vigorously yesterday in spite of my fatigue after the train trip after I jogged 7km before that day.

The other days, in my English class, the teacher pointed out that some of the students there had a little bet negative identity. This was true about myself, like "I'm person with mental heal problem". This negative identity sometimes occupies a large part of my self image, and prevent me from take positive action or communicating someone else. However, this wasn't my worst identity. I sometimes fell myself as a person from the planet other than the earth. I remember that my classmate once in a while said that I was from Mars and have 8 legs and have green blood. Whenever the classmate mention it, I was so unhappy that I would felt my feet heavy when I go to school, imagining that I'd be treated like an alien on the coming day. If I was successful in some aspect of my daily life, I could this alien aspect inside me into somehow positive identity, but in the reality that I'm actually alienated in my daily life, especially in business society, this "alien...

I've studied English for about 20 years. It is about 10 years since I decided that I'd bring my English up to useful level. Obviously there are no chance to use English offline, no chance in my (non-existent) job, no chance in my activities. I haven't felt that I've been keeping up with communications in English online. In English learning community I'm in, I can share with few people about difficulties of my perception and social activities. In an online group of people on the autism spectrum, I found it difficult to explain regional matters I've engaged in daily. My perfectionism is another obstacle of publishing more comments online. I wish I could articulate my problem more effortlessly in English. Actually, it takes huge amount of energy to explain myself in English, which is preventing me from publishing next post as often as I do in my Japanese blog.

When I was 9 years old, I threw a ball to my brother. I yelled, "Take this Bullet Train Ball!". It flew just 6 meters, bounced on the ground and finally my brother caught it.

C'est une ébauche.(This is a display test of characters of French language.) My Japanese blog couldn't display some alphabets of French. I'm curious if here we can display French. And I found out that this blog successfully displayed French.

I took the plunge to post the GRASP GLOBAL, where a year ago I registered for as a member. I have hesitated because I've been overwhelmed by tens of new posts I receive via email daily. I'm not sure I can communicate well, but it's time to widen the communication to global scale sharing similar traits, autistic spectrum.

My problem is finding someone safe to talk to even part of things I have in my mind. Another aspect of language acquisition is finding safe place to show your weakness as you do in your native language as well as strength.

My mail box usage is 10% and sometimes I get a long mail. I need to learn to remove the male I don't need any more, for example the notification of the comment on my (another) blog post, new posts of bulletin, and auctions and sales that are expired. I also need to get rid of unnecessary document in my real life to make my room neat and clean live comfortable life.

In the morning, I listened to a TV program (on NHK - Nippon Housou Kyoukai or public broadcast of Japan) lying in the bed. In the program, they spoke about Bible. Here's what I learned. Psalm is not only praises and poetry, but actually a prayer book. The other part of Old Testament consists of history records, laws, and prophecies. Old Testament is a record of human beings straggling with having relationship with God, and New Testament is the respond to these straggles, so without New Testament, Old Testament is meaningless, (for if Jesus read Old Testament, he will completely agree with New Testament) and without Old Testament, New Testament In Psalm, David sometimes mention the pain of illness, but no description of being cured that illness; the center event was not physical cure, but relationship with God. In Old Testament, there's no description of "love your enemy", but though this presenter sees the struggle that "should love my enemy, but I can't...

Although I've gotten basic knowledge of IT or software developer, I have never experienced actual developing activities. I wish I could join in a IT company, but I didn't know how to get a entry position while getting support from such as job rehabilitation centers.

Oops! Your happiness is running away. Every time I take deep sigh my colleague say this way. But when I'm in a great tension, it is inevitable. "I sighed. My happiness is running away. But the way is being blocked."

I have many traits. I have some weak points. I want to say I have some strong points, but, normal people are stronger in that points, and I'll be ashamed, so I become modest and timid to call them "less-weak point".

I post articles every day in my Japanese blog, but here I hesitate. I wanted to write proper things although English is not my native language and the proficiency isn't as good as that of Japanese. It's natural I can't write something better than what I write in Japanese. On the other hand, in my Japanese blog, I post anything trivial, and have succeeded in posting every day. I hope I can do also here.

They say 2010 is the year of tiger so I draw a car look like tiger. I will live my life one by one. I hope I can blog post at least once a month anywhere I can post an entry in English. I hope I can begin every my post with positive thought and then my real feeling follows. I think this will make my blog brighter than what I feel when I'm depressed.