Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

On year-end holidays, I play Touhou Project games, mainly normal level. There are higher levels and I do play the "Lunatic" (highest) level in a few games, including the 7th, Perfect Cherry blossom, but in most of these games, normal level is just for me to enjoy "reading, dodging bullets, and shooting".

Like yesterday, we had snow on the road in front of entrance. When I got up, the snow fell even stronger. I plowed the snow. It was less than 5cm, but still a little bit tiring. I also worried about the place of the snow plowed.

This is my first private skiing for this season. There was 40-60 cm snowfall on the mountain. The snow seemed powdery, but was rather heavy, so heavy that I was once stuck when I was skiing down a slope. At first I was reluctant, because it was cold outside, but once I skied, I was into skiing, and was looking forward the next time, probably the first weekend of the new year.

Today I scanned recent receipts and other documents which I don't need to keep at hand, but I might review some time. Getting rid of paper at hand is one of major parts of cleaning my room.

It's already been snowing and roads are getting covered with snow. I had thought that I could jog tonight, but looks like no jogging for tonight.

Already been burnt out. A setting where young adults with developmental disorders shouldn't taken for granted. This is the impression when I come back from the meeting of young adults with developmental disorders.

Yesterday I sang Christmas carols without being annoyed with hypersensitivity to sound. On regular Sundays, I seldom sing songs without annoyed with hypersensitivity.

One hope for Christmas is spending it free from trouble and cold.

Next motivation, next target...... studying deeper about web page design? Brushing up my powerpoint presentation? Studying more about database? I'd like to be taking some actions linked to enhance my information technology skills, by the beginning of the next year.

Typically at this time of the year I go skiing for the first time in the season. This year I have no plan to go for this weekend, but likely to be the next Saturday, almost the end of year. I delay my first (free) skiing for this season, partly because of financial reason, and partly because relatively warmer weather for this season. It's not that I'm not motivated. It's not because it hasn't been open yet. According to the official site of Spring Valley Izumikogen Skiing Area main courses has already been open. Now I'm more motivated for jogging and swimming. Especially as for jogging, without snow on the roads, unusual for this time for the year, I'm able to jog, without worrying about slippery roads. This is good preparation for Sendai International Half Marathon, a race 5 months later, after skiing season.

No idea further than writing something, at least two or three words here every day, without missing for more than 3 years, if my memory serves. This itself may be not a small achievement, but I'm thinking that it's time to think and focus on what to write. One of difference in this year from years before is, my writing has gotten simpler. This linked to the attitude I told some time before in this year, "more trivial posts, more frequently". This change also may look trivial, but this is giving me one important awareness. This is the idea that "I don't know many words which stand for daily, simple, easy, or most likely to see and feel.

My jogging plan for tonight: 4.4km, wash room, 3.3km, 3.3km. It's fortunate that the roads are not frozen, in this time of the year. It's a bit too windy, so I want to be careful if it won't cause my body heat losing.

Day: Stress_Degree Sat.:   9 (out of 10) Training session for skiing instructors, 2 meltdowns. I barely kept myself safe. Sun.:  7  The second day of the training session. 1 meltdown. Relieved after I got home. Mon.:  5  Went to work, one night sleep was too short to recover from stress. I worked through. Tue.:  4  Stress still remaining. Having finished meeting handout, my heart got slightly lighter. Wed.:  4  Meeting done. It'll take a few days for me to relax. I wonder how much I was tense then.  I hope the thermometer will indicate lower than 3 on Thursday and Friday. Description of stress (thermometer) degrees 10: Very Dangerous, serious meltdown: I often scream loud, jump up and down. I have really hard time with keeping other people and myself safe. 9: Similar panicky behavior to 10 degrees. I have minimum self control to keep other people and myself safe. 8: Milder panic than those two above, like losing word or u...

The stress of the last weekend turning out to be much tougher on me, than I had expected on Sunday. I sometimes blame myself for my behavior and attitude, affecting productivity, and even almost made me forget about my hobby. This was a really serious problem, especially writing a blog post.

After all, I still like skiing, even though I rebuke myself as unfit for an instructor, after my meltdowns as an adult with autistic spectrum disorder, in the regional training session for skiing instructors. The problem was I was then incapable of asking for help, although I'm gradually learning in environment in which are people I know somehow and I can ask for help. I was capable of speak, but had no one I think I can talk to. The only thing I could do was yelling to myself, sometimes sitting on the snow, losing power. I'm "partially" capable of communicating, but unfortunately, on last weekend, I ended up in showing the side, incapable of communicating. Later I'm asking myself, what was the motivation I drove when I wanted to be an instructor? When I began to learn skiing seriously 15 years ago, few instructor's lesson reached me, because I had really bad motor skill. More exactly, I easily misunderstood the word of them when I was told to a particular...

Today's skiing training, there is not much to say. After a lot of panic after all the schedule ended and I'm home. I don't really want to remember. I'm doubting if I don't look forward to skiing so enthusiastically as years before.

To be honest I don't want think much about skiing for now. During today's lesson I even thought that this might be the first and the last skiing in the season, even though I was physically O.K. but giving up this season for mental reason. I was almost mental wreck then, and I was also afraid of heart attack, overload from panicky behavior and skiing itself. Fortunately now I'm home and still physically O.K. and my heart is getting settled. I have time to calm down.

Today was paid holiday, and had 2 clinic visits, blood pressure and mental health. I left home almost the same time as the days I work, and arrived at the first clinic 20 minutes before its opening. About 5 people were already waiting. In my previous visit I arrive at the clinic just the time it opens, and I had to wait one and a half hour. Today I waited less than an hour. Arriving at the first hospital 30 minutes it begins may be a good idea, for me, especially when I have to visit 2 clinics in the morning, taking advantage of a half paid holiday.

Finished successfully! My presentation about Abilympics, a job skills contest, having been planned for this afternoon. I spoke in front of the audience of more than ten members, having prepared PowerPoint slideshow with a few animations. I sometimes showed the real screen, the browser window which displays my work of web pages, having taken a lecture of giving a presentation with a projector one day before. I made it thanks to many helps. The arrangement, instruction of PowerPoint slideshow and how to use a projector, and so on.

4 round-trip joggings from home to the next nearest station. This is I want to do days before I run a half marathon. The distance from home to the station is almost 3 kilometers, so 4 round-trips will make almost 24 kilometers. Today I'm trying 1 round-trip jogging.

Filling the gap between being tired and being sleepy is difficult. It's probably because my tiredness is mainly mental, and I have to get equally tired physically. This is one reason why I like to jog at night.

I should have planned more carefully. I'm to do two new things to do at work for this week. I took up one of them in the afternoon. I had thought I had so much time that I could spend plenty of time on the other, including a presentation, but it took me much longer time to finish the first one than I had expected. Then I find I didn't have much time left to brush up my presentation, the other new thing I'm going to do in this week. When I begin new things, especially more than one, I should schedule much more carefully.

First snow for this winter in Sendai this weekend. The snow on the road melted soon, but in the late afternoon, temperature getting lower and some roads, especially one in front of the station remaining wet, they are getting frozen and slippery. I'm thinking it's time to get snow (jogging and business) shoes.

Today I swam, keeping in mind only swimming long, without looking at pace clock. This week so far, I couldn't exercise as much as I wanted to, due to schedule and bad weather, so I was thinking that distance was important, rather than seeking max speed and faster pace.

Today I'm going to go to dinner with colleagues. It will be the first experience. I was in charge of designing the label of the bottle. I'm going to return so late for me (10p.m.) that I'm worried if I have good sleep for Saturday.

Abilympic presentation coming up next week. There has been a plan, since I was preparing for the national competition, but today it's been scheduled, deciding the date, time and listeners. It's a good opportunity to tell how employees with disabilities work hard to acquire their vocational skills, and help listeners recognize as workforce, teammates, and colleagues.

I need calming down, taking walk, before I take bath. I haven't taken good sleep since last weekend, and the desire for exercise has been much declined. I hope I recall the pleasure of jogging by going outside, although it is getting colder and colder, as winter gets deeper and deeper.

I'm so tired that I don't feel like going out for jogging after supper. Just going out for a few minute will be helpful to continue my habit. Continuing the habit of exercise, I feel over and over again, is so difficult.

I purchased a sub woofer Fostex PM-Submini2. Last Sunday I found a used one on sales. I thought for a while, because the condition shown by the seller was C rank. I know I'm not seeking for excellent appearance, because it would soon get to look like worn out in my messy room use. On Monday the product arrived. I connected and decided the temporary place for it to work. It was unexpectedly powerful, feeling as if I was listening from 2 or 3 sizes larger audio system, from a 4-kg sub woofer in addition to 8cm full range stereo system. I'm planning for cleaning up my room to make the space more suitable to play better sound.

Today I took lectures of skiing. There were several interesting topics like teaching how to live better with snow, and meeting increasing demand for skiing services from Chinese visitors. I was surprised that how little Tohoku (northeast area of Japan, except for Hokkaido) is known, even by foreigners who are thinking of visiting Japan.

Today's swimming: warming up: about 1km  latter half: with the pace 65s/50m i.e. 10'50 for 500m 100m individual medley: 1m53s 50m breaststroke: 58s 50m freestyle: 48s 200m freestyle: 3m58s (198bpm right after finishing) Today's training was around noon, from 12:15p.m to 14p.m., while regularly I go swimming from 3p.m. to 5p.m. I have a schedule of dinner with my friends. Tomorrow, I will miss swimming, because I have to take a lecture of skiing, and it will take all day.