Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

I changed when to walk longer. I tended to walk longer when I got off the train from work and headed for home. Now I plan to walk longer when I headed to Sendai station from my workplace after the work for day ends, and take train later than I take usually. This is I can't stand the crowded train leaving Sendai at 5:46 p.m. because I can't manage my tiredness fully, and I'm thinking it's better taking the train of 6:02 p.m., taking some left and go home as soon as the train arrived the station near home.

This morning I offered information about password recovery and changing email address in an mailing list. I learned that if you can't your old address any longer and forgot your password, password recovery is impossible for that account in the mailing list. Instead, you are going to create your new account with your mailing address and registering mailing list you want to join.

I like drawing pictures with my ballpoint pen, but I'm really poor at drawing comically. I have rather a hard time with trying to draw comically, but the result always looks terrible. Still I want to try anyway, hoping to get able to do in 20 years, for this is one way in which my drawing hobby give someone else some energy.

I decided two sets of business suits which have been already worn out and gotten unwearable. I wore them in formal settings after I graduated high school, and the few years I was first employed. I have hesiteted to get rid of them, and still hesitate to give up a few pieces the pants of which were torn. The memory with those suits is importnat for me, but the real thing, already unusable prevent me from clean up my room.

I went for swimming to a swimming pool nearby for the first time in a half year. In the winter, I was away from swimming because I don't like my body chilled after I swim, and I'm busy with skiing on weekends. Today is the first day I exercised a lot since I ran a half marathon 2 weeks ago. I have felt much weaker after the race ended, and my energy to have an exercise has just somehow recovered.

This morning, I was working on what to keep, and what to get rid of. I will keep what I'm going to read in a month. I'm going to read CCNA certificate guide books for reference, although I got them 6 years ago and already obsolete. It's still useful to review basic network technologies and basic features of Cisco products. I will get rid of what I haven't been read in 5 years and I won't read again in a year again.

Have I spent time this month as I imagined in the end of last month? I set the goals for next month in the end of month at my workplace. I set goals to getting our team better, and also I set personal goal to raise my value by self enlightenment. Sometimes it's quite a burden to reflect on the goals of the month and setting goals for the coming month. It's probably because I often forget the purpose to set monthly goals. This is about imagination of what I would like to be and to spent time for the coming month.

In the first half of this month I posted here at a record pace. I had a lot of time in Golden Week holidays, and I had trivial but many items for blog posts. In the last half the pace has gotten slower. Tiredness from the half marathon and daily stress prevented me from keeping to the pace of the first half in blogging.

I have a problem with drawing illustrations with my PCs. I haven't found a handy drawing application. I already have Adobe Illustration. It has so many function that I sometimes find it difficult to draw a few simple Bezier curves, and it take long time to launch the application. I also use Excel and PowerPoint to draw some simple illustration. A problem in which I find them inconvenient is there are no function to continue drawing curves. Once I draw a Bezier curve, the app exit drawing mode and I have to select the drawing mode again. I'm thinking of trying some other drawing apps like Libreoffice Draw. I use Illustrator or Inkscape if I want to concentrate of my artwork, but for everyday practice, the lighter, the better.

10 minutes after I got home is the golden time for blogging, although what I can write in this period is not so long. I feel as if I weren't able to write anything if I missed this golden 10 minutes after I get back home from work.

My English coach says building up "English muscle" by using English every day is important. I feel at least "Writing muscle" is being built up through everyday blogging. Every post may be trivial, but I felt freer to write about something on my blogs or my sketchbook.

Today it was hot like in the middle of summer. It was already hot when I started for mental clinic at 9 a.m. When I was home at 1 p.m. the thermometer at the entrance of home measured 31C (88F). City area, near Sendai station wasn't as hot as home, probably because it was nearer sea.

Dropped out of ramen waiting line for lunch. I left my workplace as soon as possible when lunch break began. I arrived at the shop at 12:09 p.m. There had been already almost 20 people are waiting in line. I waited for 23 minutes but there were still more than 5 people waiting. I thought that it would be impossible for me to eat and back office in time, and decided to left at 12:31 a.m. I got a piece of bread and a rice cake for lunch at a convenience store nearby. I had eaten lunch bread for breakfast because I left 35 minutes earlier than usual, to participate in a morning volunteer activity cleaning up the park near my workplace. I had hoped that I would like to have ramen for lunch.

I was shy and always shouting from panic in my first three months in university. Obviously I needed a help, but I couldn't recognize it as a clear idea. The only thing I did was signaling by shouts that I was in need of something even I didn't know then. I looked back those events of more than 20 years ago on today's return path from work, which was pretty stressful. Today, I needed to hang in there frowning, not really needing substantial help, but my behavior was badly outstanding, as I know. In those three month did I really need help, or just I was enduring hard times, I'm not sure. One thing I'm sure is I wasn't able to tell someone that I needed help when I first entered university.

When I'm starting for work, one of the things I'm worried about these days is the train home, not to work. The reason is that it is the train I'm aboard when I'm the most tired, and typically it is crowded. As for me, tiredness often cause panic, so I have to be careful about my tempers.

This morning I got rid of plastic wastes and scanned 15 sheets of sketchbook. There are a lot to do until I clean my room, especially around my desk.

This morning I did some paperwork. Scanning old personal documents and getting rid of them, to keep my desk clear. There is long way to go until my desk get really clear.

Today I participated in the Sendai International Half Marathon. I managed to ran through it in the rain. My time was 2h12'. I ran slower than 4 years ago as I gained a few kilograms. I did well in that I have done minimum training, walking more than 21 kilometers 2 times, and jogging more than 11 kilometers 2 times, although I had hurt my hip in skiing 2 months before the race and very disappointed. Weight control is the key to ran as fast as I used to. Being able to join in a marathon is a good barometer of self control.

In the middle of every month there are Windows updates. I'm frustrated when I rebooted to update OS and right after reboot is required again due to app update. Well, I may want to take advantage of my idle time like having supper or taking a nap in updating OS of my computers. It may be because of my lack of the sense of scheduling or my dependency on PC especially surfing the Web.

I drank 3 caned coffees this week, although I don't usually drink so much in these 2 years. I'm not doing very well with coping with my stress with less inexpensive instant coffee or homemade barley tee. I'm looking for better way for coping with stress, looking up on the internet or talking to supporting staff.

Teachers, classmates, kids and adults in my neighborhood, and sometimes even parents referred me as a problem child. One day when I was in university, my mom told a story. She doubted if I had autism, listening to a radio education counseling program. She finally denied it because I had no problem as long as my test scores at school were concerning. At that time, the concept of autism had just begun to be received in Japan, and the existence of high-functioning autism, with normal intellectual ability, was yet to be recognized. It was 15 years later since then that developmental disability with normal intellectual ability was somehow recognized in Japan. It was after I finished university that I was not at all able to sit still at classes, although time passed and I perceived that I had gotten through them anyway and graduated schools. Even now, I find it difficult to sit still in a worship service at my local church. If my mom went there and see, she would be shocked to see I was ...

Golden Week holiday was golden to me, for I took "golden" sleeps during the period. I hope to have such golden, high-quality, sleeps on weekdays. But I heard bad news recently. Sleep quality tend to lower as we age. I've frustrated with my sleep, low quality, feeling tiredness as I wake up 5 a.m. typically.

I'm an entry-level web technician. My skill level is just like a low level magician or cleric in Wizardry can only cast Katino or Dios. Still, as such low level characters are useful to explore on a low level of a maze, so I am to solve small web problems such as small changes of information or fixing display problems from inappropriate editing.

What power can I give by blogging? Who can I give it? I've come to this point of view just recently. I know I'm not able to any big tangible thing like an automobile or a computer, or any package software. My knowledge hasn't been enough as a computer (hardware or software) specialist. Perhaps I can give pieces of information about learning tips of certificates of English language or specialist certificate by information technology device vendors. What I can give isn't so much and so high quality either. What I can give as information is, for example, a shortcut for looking up definition of words in dictionaries via Google search, with the word you want to know the meaning of and "def" keyword (abbr. of definition which is much easier to type). One thing I may want to be every day is be nice to my parents, my family members, colleagues, and (in the future) subordinates, which is always advised at my workplace. I also would like to do this activity,...

I'm struggling with self control, especially anger management in communications. This is one reason I only had low quality rest during Golden Week holidays in the beginning of May, although I slept more than 9 hours a day every day. It's time to review the anger management textbook I got in a job training course I took 10 years ago. In the course, I got 2 self-control textbooks, one anger thermometer, and the other stress thermometer. I have taken advantage of stress thermometer until then, thanks to the continued training by my job coach, but I have forgotten about anger thermometer until I happened to see a few books on anger management in business.

I have to report a few troubles at today's work. I'm worried a lot. Perhaps this anxiety was one reason I was always tired during the holidays. It will be O.K. if I'm back home anyway and push the "publish" button after then. I was thinking that way in the morning. Today's work was a little bit harder than usual, and I had one thing to apologize for a trouble the other day. It hasn't reached the final solution, but I managed to communicate anyway.

I'm overwhelmed by so many thing we have to do to behave as an adult and businessman. The first thing, though, is never to give up. I'm almost getting desperate I'm so overwhelmed, but all I can do is take a deep breath and calm down. I may be panicked sometimes. Getting panicked causes a trouble regardless of whether you are a child or an adult. I have always been easy to get panicked by small irregular things since I was in elementary school. (I would like to tell my panics in elementary school for some day.) For example 1 plus 1, in general makes 2, but in a limited situation the answer may be 3 or 1 or other values. I have hard time to accept such limited situation where 1 + 1 = 2 isn't true. Now my first job is to calm down and look for what small thing I can do for other people.

Being child in a different way than normal one. I'm still childish because I'm too dependent, but I'm and was different from a normal child either. I felt this way observing a few normal children who are mischievous and unabashed to interact with adults who come to my local church.

Ironing my suits, brushing my shoes. Preparation for tomorrow's work. Disposing used tissue paper, removing dust, and scanning document. Disposing of textbook of Microsoft Office Specialist Word and Excel 2003. Office 2003 has been already obsolete. If I want to study for Microsoft Office Certificate from now on, I want to focus on Office 2013, 2016, 365 or later.

As many learners see, I took history and geography as school subjects as rote learning. I was good at learning the number of year when a certain event happened. Perhaps I was good at learning the name of events and people mainly involved in them. As for geography I'm not good at learning names of mountains and rivers and, what crop a certain area mainly produces. I was kind of good at learning climates. The problem was all what I did to get a grade or make in entrance exams was just rote learning. I didn't really understand what a historical event was about or what a certain area of the world is like. I began to try to understand after I traveled around my place by bike and on foot. I was directly affected by terrains. I have hard time with get over hills and mountains, and sometimes I was scared when I have to cross a big river on a bridge. I had to stand strong wind and noise on the narrow sidewalk or the edge of the lane, while automobiles, especially huge trucks we...

5-day holidays, the Golden Week and the weekend, today only 2 days left. "More rest" is what I'm feeling. I'm too tired to play even a video game. I'm even slow to go to bet to have a plenty of sleep. 2 days later, I start for work. So far no self enlightenment, except for keeping a journal in English and listening to Effortless English podcast back number while I was walking on a path in a small mountain. Hope for tomorrow is the key to keep on going in spite of much tiredness. It's good that the intensity of scream in my head from stress has gotten much weaker. For the customers, there is a really long way to go. Self-control, caring actions for those who are nice to and caring for me, for example choosing a gift for my mother, keeping my shoes and handkerchief every day, keeping my suits tidily free from wrinkles, handling a complicated business communication for example when train delays a lot or when I am asked works in a hurry from the manager w...

I have fine sets of business suits, but I have hard time with keep them clean. I become easily sweaty partly because I'm too hyperactive, partly because I'm too nervous and easily have sweats from nervousness, and greatly because I haven't established habit of folding and ironing periodically. Some sources says that steam after bathing is also good for removing smells and odors of the suits. Fortunately there are several things I've acquired to do to care my business suits. I have three sets of suits, so I can wear the same suit 3 days after I wear, wearing another suit. Same for my shoes. There are a lot more to do yet to wear like a great businessman, but it's good to remember a few actions I have acquired, which I had never been thought of 10 days ago, when I first seriously thought of finding a job.

All this happens in my mind. "Are you a pig when you lack self control." I couldn't retort very well. I said to myself "I have to face up to the hard fact that when someone sees my room and my way of life, possibility is that he might call me as pig, because I'm too lazy to fold, wash, and iron my clothes. I seldom clean up the dust in my room. I barely fold and put in place my business suits and wear then when I go to work. It's thanks to my mother that my clothes are always clean. I'm grateful for her. Mother's day was 9 days ahead, on the same day of the Sendai International Half Marathon I plan to participate in. What thing or what action help her everyday activity greatly? Some people refresh themselves when they dip themselves in a hot spring. If she liked hot springs, presenting one-day hot spring resort trip would please her, for there are two famous hot spring resorts within 20 kilometers from home. Well I will have to have another idea. F...

These days, I watch compilations of conversations in Dragon Quest series, as well a the wiki dictionary site. I have been away from playing the real games for more than 10 years, but the conversation reminds me of good playing experiences when I was teenagers. At that time, I'm always talking about computer roll playing games like Dragon Quest, Final Fantasy, and Wizardry. I even tried to make a scenario, programs and cartoons like/of these games, but I always gave up my attempt in less than a week. Now I think of those great efforts to make up these games. From Monday, it will be time for me to make effort in the real world especially at work.

Thinking of past, focusing on walking a path over hills of the west of Sendai now was too much for me to remember my past to write a post about it. It was 20.7 kilometer walk today. Today I went through a campus where I took an entrance exam 22 years ago. Also I passed through a zoo. It was very crowded. I saw a waiting line at the entrance. When I talked about this to my mother, it was likely that kids can enter the zoo for free during the Golden Week, the holidays of early May.

On the first day of 5 serial days off duty I spent lazily, viewing a wiki of Dragon Quest series. Last year I was viewing videos of commercials of Nissan Skyline of 70-80s. I was as apathetic as I was 8 years ago, when I was at a loss what to do to find a job. Suddenly an idea happened in my mind. What would I say if my prayer was listened to who I had helped then as well as God listens to my prayer through Jesus. Then I would be obliged to say some words of thanks. 8 years ago I was so apathetic that I didn't know what to say to the job counselor at the local placement office. I couldn't very well explain what I was doing and what I felt and about my state of mind. The counselor was patient enough to wait for my first word. After I said my first word, I managed to open my mind to some degree, and after the session my heart got much lighter than it was before the session. I managed to retain my hope for tomorrows by telling them my worries, my interests and what I ...

What do you do in your pastime these days? - I surf the Web without clear purpose. I sometimes view F1 compilation videos of 1989-1994 when I was into it. Sometimes I view a Dragon Quest Dictionary, look up words and sometimes get sentimental and nostalgic about every feature I enjoyed in the series of games I enjoyed more than 20 years ago. What prevent you from going on skiing in the Golden Week Holidays? - At this time of year, early May in the middle of spring, to be honest, my motivation for skiing gets so low that it takes a lot of energy to prepare for skiing, even make me feel stressful. Now that I work, skiing should be a purpose of refreshment, not a source of stress. Refreshment is my primary purpose and skills comes to the next. I may want to find another activity more for this season.

When I'm stressed, I sometimes flap my hands, not flip. I have been mistaken.