Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Rail: I was curious when I was reading a book by Dale Carnegie. First I imagined rails trains run on. I looked up the word "rail". Surprisingly its first definition was not something trains run on. It was rather a pipe to support something. Now I've just noticed that the rails of the railway also support trains. The word rail as a verb seemed to be to complain bitterly about something. The section I found the word was about stopping being bitter, because bitterness kills yourself. I have been inactive in expressing what I feel or what I have experienced, but at least there is a good point. I have been much less bitter than years ago when I was in my early 30s. Instead, I have been changed to show thanks for small things.

Decaf soluble coffee I got the other day tastes better than I had expected. It also add to the variation of my coffee time. Although it is decaf, I can enjoy energizing aroma none the less, and I can even enjoy it even just before I go to bed. One point I feel sorry about it is that it's difficult to catch a timing to get it at a reasonable price. I added it to the watch list of a web store to buy later, but when I wanted to get one, it had already been sold out and I only saw more expensive option. Also at a stare in the station building, where I had got one, when I sought another, it had also been sold out. I have enjoyed the decaf so much that I'm thinking where and when to buy another bottle.

Is it because the busiest season has ended? Is it because ski season is ending? I suddenly feel heavy, although I was in a good shape until last week from the beginning of February. It looks like that having a lot of sleep is the most powerful solution, not trying to strongly fight against this heaviness.

2-day skiing trip was over. It was fine on Saturday and Sunday, so we really enjoyed skiing. We had some lessons and had our skiing video taken. Some of lessons focused on using our hips. I had focused on foot so much that it was hard for me to understand the concept of controlling turns by hips. I especially struggled on making long turns. We also skied bumps, and had the video taken. I thought I did well, but when I looked at my skiing, it wasn't cool at all although I made quick enough movements. It may take more practice to get familiar with concepts on skiing I learned through the skiing trip, so this coming Saturday I'm planning to go skiing. Fortunately, the mountain I go skiing frequently will be open until April 10, so I'd like to enjoy skiing until the end of this season.

In this weekend I join in 2-day skiing trip. I have prepared 3 posts to keep my routine to post on this blog daily. Also I have prepared for work on the next Monday to some extent. Right after I'm home after the trip, I would like to have a rest instead of being meddled with the tasks I do in the afternoon and at night regularly. From now on, I would like to enjoy the skiing trip, since I have prepared for the weekdays after the trip to some extent. (This post is what I prepared on Friday night, the day before starting for the trip.)

These days I'm into soluble coffees, especially organic. I drink both ordinary soluble coffee and decaf soluble coffee. Organic coffee, with caffeine or decaf, taste gently sweet even when I drink black coffee. Once I get used to decaf organic coffee, I feel even decaf may awaken me just as coffee with caffeine does. Black coffee is fine, and white coffee is also fine. Especially cafe au lait with decaf coffee I'm into these days (Mt. Hagen Decaffeinated) tastes so good. Cafe au lait (decaf) or decaf au lait?

With a national holiday on Monday and a half paid holiday on Thursday, this week I had 3.5 work days. In spite of this, I had a lot of task to do. I fixed a few web troubles and held a meeting to set goals for the next month. Taking action in advance helped much, but still I have been much tired, so I need to bottom up my mental stamina for work.

In yesterday's meeting, I devoted myself to the role of facilitator, rather than speaking out my opinion. These days my focus is how to find out needs of other people I collaborate with, and how to do my tasks as effectively as possible. On the other hand, expressing what I have felt and what I have wanted have been pushed back to lower priority. Being able to forget about suffering because of developmental disability is fine in a sense. I need to remember the efforts of people around me to understand disabilities and preparing environments where people with disabilities can forget about disabilities and focus on what they are able to give.

I have been back home from a meeting of adults with developmental disabilities held by the city support center. Months ago, I hesitated to participate because if I participated and came home, it would be too late to have enough sleep. This time I have half paid holiday in the morning of the next day, so it'll be OK if I'm going to go to bed a little bit too late.

Timetable being revised on March 26, in line with the opening of Hokkaido Shinkansen (virtually extension of Tohoku Shinkansen to Hakodate.) It looks like there are few changes on the Senzan Line I regularly use. Not a change at least the train I regularly take to work.

Tomorrow morning, the 4th Tuesday of March, the date to put out paper waste. In our area, the city corrects paper wastes the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month. I mistook last Tuesday for the 2nd and when I left home with a bag of bundled paper waste, and noticed it was the 3rd. I had no choice but bringing the bag again. I'm saying to myself, tomorrow morning is the day, preparing the bag of waste paper near the exit.

This ski season is beginning to end. I visited a few sports shop to look for skiing items. Some items have bargain prices. Skis, boots, goggles, globes, and racing suits. I tried on a racing suit. Its bargain price is tempting, but maybe next time. This time the priority is replacing broken items. Especially I have to get a pair of globe because I have now is being torn. Also the pants of my ski wear was torn inside, but I can use ones of my old ski wear. As for racing suit, I haven't have one yet, and I'm still thinking of I will enter a few races next season. Yet my priority is spending the rest of this season comfortably, and also with lower budget.

Weather forecast had said that today would be rainy, but not strongly. I was worried but I went skiing anyway. When I transit from subway to bus at 7:00 a.m. the rain got a bit stronger, so my worry became even stronger too. When I arrived at the mountain, however, the rain was almost stopping. The problem was the lift was so wet that I got wet in the morning run. Even worse, the slope was foggy, so I couldn't enjoy high speed skiing. By noon, it got clearer and drier. Around 2 p.m. It began raining again, but ... My worry cleared out and I thought it was fortunate that I was there, skiing, all the same in the morning it was slightly raining.

Good news is that I have become less likely to think about and speak about suicide. Bad news is that I have become less likely to think about and speak about anything else.

I go skiing almost every Saturday in winter. This season, at first I was too depressed to have a goal. The only goal was recover the will that I want to continue skiing on weekends, and working on weekdays. Once I enjoyed a skiing trip, I was motivated for next goal, technique and speed, as well as enjoying. This fun on weekends even motivated me on weekends when I was working out with overwhelming information I had to handle with at work. Probably there will be only a few times left to go skiing this season, so I would like to enjoy and going for the goal I have set.

It look like that I don't like the word "popular" very much. This may be one reason why I don't post many on Facebook. On Facebook, posts (of my friends) which turned a lot of attention i.e. collected a lot of "like" is more likely to be displayed. A story which draw little attention can much more easily be left out. I think I would like to communicate with my friends once in a while, but I don't believe that I can handle tens of or hundreds of friends, because of my capacity of handling communication.

Stress coping is important when I kind of have bad luck. I learned stress coping 9 years ago when I was taking a pilot job training course for people with developmental disabilities. When I was taking this program, I was shouting out loud, "Understanding of other people is important!" My inner voice probably was such; "Why do I have to change myself instead of job environment changes." Now I'm grateful for that self-control program. By changing myself, I have become much less likely to get panicked. At the same time, I also feel that I can do well only where people are sympathetic for and ready to understand my disposition. Situations I can get along is very limited, and it's fortunate that my workplace is one of them.

In order to make more space, I'm disposing of unnecessary things. I scan unimportant documents and going to put out paper collection tomorrow. Also I'm thinking of dispose of a printer and a MD/CD radio cassette player, and a chair I haven't used for 20 years. Looking for information on waste disposal on the web page of the city, in order to put out bulky waste, I need to contact with the reception center, make an appointment, buy tickets for each item, put tickets on them, and put it in front of the house. Scanning more documents? Or advancing more action on disposing of bulky wastes? How to choose what to put out next is not an easy question.

Around 4:00 p.m. I scanned several documents. 3 issues of a magazine on mathematics English guidebook of Sendai city. Basically I will keep the scanned PDF files and dispose of  printed copies, but I kept for myself a few sheets, the articles of ski resorts near Sendai, because I may have an opportunity to speak about skiing in English in the near future. I'm not sure if I read back these PDF versions, but uneasiness didn't allow me to simply dispose of magazines I bought 17 years ago and I haven't read for more than 10 years. In this way, I'm reducing printed documents, but huge amount still remain, which I'm not sure whether I need now or in the near future.

In the morning I read an interesting article written in Japanese, from a link on Niconico Douga. Lack of sleep a little bit looks like as bad as fortnight - In the experiment on the article, people are divided into 3 groups, with 8 hours sleep, 6 hours sleep, and no sleep at all. Then people in each group looked like to take a test to check concentration, and 6 hour sleep group performed as badly as fortnight group. I'm surprised that how lack of sleep to a small extent unexpectedly affect my health. My sleep daily is 6 to 7 hours a day although more than 8 hours is desirable. Of course I won't take a choice to get myself into fortnight group because slight shortage of sleep may be as bad as fortnight, but I would like to have enough sleep, managing my schedule, and making my daily post brief.

2036, Age 61, Programer. This is my positive image for future. This may be unrealistic because I will be at such age and it may be too old to continue this career, but I set a goal anyway. Now it's time to think how I can achieve this goal. As a late starter, I have a lot to learn about information technologies, although I like computers and I'm already at age of 40. I hope I acquire a lot of skills related to this field and make a lot of work. 20 years from now what kind of information technology will be hot? Will personal computers become a monster or replaced with devices we never imagine now? To go for this dream, I want to maintain curiosity about new things about this field, although I have been too timid about trying new technologies.

Blogging is becoming obligation to me these days. When I read a how-to article about the tip for making a popular and making-money blog, many people gave up because blogging became obligation. Successful blogger enjoy writing. Now I have to make a question to myself. Am I enjoying writing? If not, what do I do to enjoy writing? This is almost a question that how I enjoy my life in my situation.

Checking emails, posting the article of the day, checking news and information I'm interested in, preparing for skiing, and preparing for the work tomorrow, every action is slow these days. I think I'm doing well at work, and I don't feel I'm extremely tired, but my tiredness affects on me implicitly in my action like slow action and mumbling to myself once in while. Especially, when I have to check something, I often can't help mumbling. Excessive checking is another sign of silence. To break this vicious circle of tiredness making my post brief and not excessively care about mistake when a mistake trouble someone else.

I waxed two pairs of skis. One pair is I'm using mainly now, except for race training. This is really light and flex, and I feel as if I could ski the whole day. It makes me much less tired. Some says this model is too weak, but I think it's strong enough for the speed range I comfortable sky. I haven't used the other pair for 2 years. This is softer version of slalom ski about 10 years ago, but it's too stiff and heavy for me. Five years ago I made it in a skiing test, so it may be suitable for me in terms of technical progress, but it make me really tired when I ski with this pair. This pair may be strong enough to be stable at a high speed, but I prefer longer, more time than faster. This is why I haven't used this pair in recent years. So why have I felt like using this again recently? This winter I enjoyed skiing so much that I have become wanted to seek technique much more, which has made me feel like trying more "challenging" ski.

Cracked corners of my mouth haven't gotten better or worse since January. It looks like that I'm moderately tired, but fine enough to enjoy skiing on weekends.

Regretfully, I tend to be short-tempered. When I don't have enough sleep or I'm stressed, I become even more short-tempered. While every day I need to control my action when I became short-tempered, I need to notice a sign that I'm becoming short-tempered than usual, try to find out what make me that way, and make an effort to get rid of the things that worsen my temper.

Concentration on my whole body is important for my skiing. Bending and stretching my feet, ankle, legs, knees, hip, back, arms and neck, and balancing all of them according to changes of inclines, snow conditions of the slope is important. It often happen that being conscious on one part of my body and bending it excessively, and the other parts neglected results in bad turns. Of course skiing use my body, but I think that my brain is used as much as my body

At last I went skiing today, but I was sleepy throughout my skiing trip. I had been thinking about whether to go skiing last night because I had been tired then. I don't think it wasn't lack of sleep time because I went to sleep 10:30 p.m. last night and got up 5:30 am this morning. Maybe the problem was quality of sleep, because I had had strange dreams in my sleep in the latter half of the week. Is it because of so much workload at work? The mood of my workplace is good, and I think I'm working comfortably, but it takes a lot of concentration to provide our clients with reliable data. I think I had enough sleep recently in time, as long as I had quality sleeps. In the time of this year, being busy, I think I need more sleep than I have been thinking enough.

I had been looking forward to going skiing in the middle of this week. I had been doing some image training during coffee breaks at work. By now I have come to doubt if I am going to enjoy skiing this weekend. I don't believe it isn't cold but I feel heavy today so much that it's a bit heavy imagining I'm skiing. I'm browsing information about skis 10 years ago on the web. Around 10 years ago, I went skiing the most often. Now I don't go skiing so often and I'm not so crazy about skiing, but still thinking about skiing energize me enough to get over every-day work. Now I may feel heavy, and perhaps I'm feeling so even if I arrive at the mountain tomorrow morning, but I won't know if I'm going to enjoy skiing until I once wear skis, have a lift and start skiing at 9 a.m.

On the train to work today I was sketching things about skiing. I sketched my skiing form from the memory of the video taken on Saturday. I also sketched bumps hoping to illustrate and understand them. Sketching skiers, slopes, race courses and bumps is not easy, and by doing this, I know how much I understand skiing.

Finding out requirements to solve problems and putting them in order. This is what I am doing at work in order to step up.

Pace control is important to run a long distance. So is it for work. These days, I'm doing well at work and doing my work at a high pace. In the beginning of week, though, I sometimes make a mistake in easiest things like saying the date of today, and in the afternoon I became sleepier than in the beginning of the year. In the beginning of the year I was down to be sure, but it was really good thing that in that period I seldom got sleepy at work. Now it may be time to control the pace of work as well as jogging.