Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

In the morning, I was a little bit depressed, and every action I did was very slow. I hardly feel like saying anything. I take a pill, hoping to prevent a panic, and leave for work.

So far, the person I speak English to is myself. So, one feasible way to practice business communication is communicating myself through business communications. For example, I send a report email from home to office. The contents would be: What I should do at work Articles I was interested to enlighten myself but didn't enough time to read at home Corporate philosophy for the day that I especially pay attention to practice  This is feasible way to practice business emails in English, because in my workplace only I well understand English. I believe creating daily practice task will take me further achievement in communicating in English, and sometimes win a job English proficiency is important. 

So far, there is no situation at least at work where I communicate in English. However, we're learning business manners and find out that I haven't even mastered my native language Japanese; I have known I have a lot of words or correct usage of words in business situation. It's no wonder I have a lot to know about and in English. Besides learning and practicing business communications, I believe, is useful to my future career. But how? I communicate myself as well as I've done ever before in learning English. For example I write an email to my email account at work, according to the manner of a business email.

One day when I rode on a bus, my bus ticked didn't read. I didn't know why. The bus ticket was a prepaid card and recoded the balance magnetically, and if it's put near a magnet the data may be impaired. But where were the magnet? Perhaps it was a magnetic buckle on my bag. A few years ago I had had the same experience, and at that time the pen tablet I'd just bought was suspicious, so since then I had kept bus cards away from the tablet and other magnetic devices. But I hadn't had the idea that a bag could ever be the culprit.

2 days ago I delayed to work because I got lost, and the day before, the panic in a coffee shop, and yesterday I managed to finish the day for the first time in 3 days. Now I'm leaving for work. And then I did work without major trouble, but one of my colleagues, who were the only one present today, had a problem with reporting for the day. Thank you for all that I worked and got home safely without trouble 2 days in a row. I hope the next day - one day on duty left for the week - will be the same, and I pray for physical and mental health for my colleagues. 

I took the train earlier and tried to walk one station to the workplace. The distance was 2.1km and 50 minutes was enough time to get to work. But 10 minutes before due, I found myself still far away from the station near which my office lies. I struggled to found a place at least with telephone booth, since, unlike the rest of my colleagues, I didn't have a mobile phone. At last I found myself at a shopping mall 3.8km away from the workplace when work hours began, and ended up in calling taxi to work, with 30 minutes delay. I had been upset the day before because I had had trouble with an old man in Starbucks because I unconsciously moved my mouth with babbling which made him quite uncomfortable, and I had burst into panic, with even creeping on the floor and yelling aloud. Obviously I needed to improve my behavior and giving up concentration with babble, and at the same time I needed to wash the traumatic panic experience away by taking a walk in a sunny day for a change. Unfortu...

I started studying Excel VBA again. I have't been studied it since I had begun studying for CCNA. My current job requires basic Excel skills, and for the future job I planned to learn a simple programming to assist office works of staffs. I struggled with system requirements and then I lost motivation for learning. Basically I like to think systematically, but not thoroughly and enthusiastically. I guess those who succeeded in acquiring programing skills enthusiastically learn about computer systems. I like computers, but I've also come to be interested in human mind and communication. I spend time with thinking about such things, and composing opinion on them, and end up with giving up with disorganized idea. This also deprives me of time to think of computer systems. Balancing interest and learning effort, and knowing how far I have learned to continue from what I should learn next is the key to my learning achievements.

I was bullied when I was in elementary school. I, like everybody else in the classroom, thought I was bullied because was a terrible troublemaker. I think I tried my best to avoid any trouble, behaving in the classroom and being gentle to any classmate, but a few hours later I found myself in tears with trouble with the teacher, or the classmate. Every attempt I tried to made to exit bullying and enter classmates' community ended up in vain. Later, I was beginning to think the only solution to the problems and troubles I make in school, (and at home) was that I disappear from where I was, where I was supposed to be, and this idea was naturally linked to the idea of death, and suicide.

I never had an idea that I'm interested in sales when I was struggling with the idea that I was an unfit person to job markets because I had (and have) serious problem with communicating (actually with anxieties, for example one that no one was willing to communicate with me). Now I have a job and thanks to our boss' sales effort, our team has desirable environment for employees with mental or developmental disorder. Now I'm eager to know what effort the boss is making for earn our job, and curious about whether there is a part of this sales effort that we may be able to contribute to. If there is, this will be a miracle to an autistic guy like me.

When I go to work, I feel a little bit bad. From anxiety of the work awaiting, my foot becomes heavy. Neither is the mood in the office in the morning. I'm looking for the idea that'll improve mood in the office in the morning.

I haven't ever imagined I could ever take a call for the office. Actually I realized I can on condition that my bosses don't severely blame me for my phone mistake.

I was hurt in a family conversation, because I said an inappropriate reflection. I fell into despair, and it lasted a few hours. Now I've been recovered from this state and am going to work.

After work and supper I went to church to listen to bible study. Unusually, I managed to sit and listen to the message, and even answered to simple question from the pastor who delivered the message. I felt I was unexpectedly secured by God's grace.

Even though I'm fatigued I think of other people at work and show that I care.

Yesterday I went to work for the first time in August. Because I was unemployed due the end of July 3 years ago. At that time I was very shocked because I was doing well and looking forward to learn further work. I thought I could find the next job before long, but after a long job hunting the chance was so scarce that I almost lost hope. Now I fortunately have a job, and am experiencing a great change in working environment. I set this August as the second start of my career here.

In my office we have to make a report of the course of our daily job at designated times in a day. Sometimes, I feel too stressed out to speak out my report. The other day I wrote a memo to summarize the report and have one of my colleagues read out loud. I felt so relieved.

I've failed to manage stresses and adjust my own pace at work. To recover from this fatigue, I need to walk slower.

have the power to make them believe, even though I share the experience and relationship with God. The problem is that I misunderstand the place to share the life with God for the one to share personal experiences with people with a various diversity. This is why I'm always struggling wherever I go to.

My religion is inseparable from my personality, and this applies for many people. The problem is how I treat "different" people. Ask God. What He feel about different people? Does he love them or not? Yes? So do I. This is answer from what I've heard so many times about gospel. I'm not the one, but He who does is...

I have a lot to learn about employment in general and especially for disabled people. Meanwhile, I'm experiencing a job in a mild working condition which enable me to continue to work without much stress. It's disappointing that there are some people who show cynical view of working environment in general without showing any sympathy to those stuck in the position where people can hardly have any hope with their career. Arguing with them will end up for me hurting my mental health therefore it's not a good idea to do so, and instead, I'm willing to have sympathy for those in hard condition especially because of stress much more easily felt by people with ASD or other mental illnesses.

In the morning I was stuck to explain our corporate philosophy to a student trainee. I should have done the simple thing I have been able to do in the morning in our workplace.

A little bit ... I mean pretty nervous. This is one opportunity I go into public.

One of my colleagues lives on his own. I highly depend daily chores on my mom. This explain I manage to keep stress at work at the bearable level. It's not fair to claim that he is mentally weaker than I because he sometimes lose mental shape at work. After all he and I am on the same spectrum.

For the time being I have no plan to move out of Tohoku. This may seem that I'm stuck there, but this is a bit of relief now. Now I'm into my job seeking harmony in the team the major part of which is aspies. Although each team member is in equal position, sometimes I need to behave at work in the perspective of assistance of stress, emotional, and communication management I experienced when I was struggling with looking for job or on a job training. In this reason, I have no extra energy to broaden the range of people I can talk, I guess, for the coming couple of year. But then, why am I communicating in English? I'm thinking that I'm a bilingual just talking to myself, and this situation won't change in a short period of time...

I seek to share the singular feeling that no one within my reach offline would resonate with. Fortunately, in the support bureau of the city I've found a few people to gather monthly and share what we've struggled up to now, the feeling often deviated from "normal" people, and sometime state opinions to city staff to support the sound growth of children with kind of developmental disability, hard to resonate with the majority of for example the classmates. I have seclusion mind in a sense that I can't very well resonate with what the majority would feel cool, and hardly anyone would resonate with what I'm really, often crazily interested in. Meanwhile, I'd like to play active role where I can share peculiar view of the world and communication I've got through the experience that I've struggled with finding out what it means to me that I'm communicating with other people, and what it means to me that I can imagine another person's feeling.

This is me. Easily to freeze in public (esp. job interviews, and a mere thought of one), and sometimes cause trouble (by freezing) in the street. But eager to seek career and thinking the way to benefit others even though my communication doesn't often work very well. Used to enjoy singing worship and praise, but recently can't even listen without earplugs.

I admit I can't write complete article often. My English proficiency isn't so good. Even if so, it take too much energy to continue my career. But it is important to inform you of my team and workplace from the viewpoint of a Japanese with high-functioning autistic disorder. I can hardly write complete English, but no one around me may even try to communicate on the Internet in English. In this respect I'm sure I can provide a niche view. First, they - including me are so introverted, and hardly anyone - including me - as an aspie hasn't been encouraged to communicating in English. I hope I can make it to refer to substantial views of the society I've been experienced.

I'm becoming a team player on the Autistic Spectrum. I've learned why my communication hasn't been working very well, and this may help another teammate on the Spectrum.

I go to work every day, thanks to the workplace. This is every step I take daily.

5 minutes English a day is what I can do best ... to go nowhere.

When I saw my friend provide helpful information for people with developmental disability, I envied him and I was unhappy about my poor output ability. I was unhappy because I compared myself with him in an event he did a lot, when I didn't have to. I just should have been grateful to him on behalf of us. Actually, I do what I can do and this is the best what I can tell in my daily life.

I'm ashamed of my powerlessness with English. I've found that I'm not so proficient in English to provide any effective information in the confusion in this Earthquake disaster. Yesterday I went to work by more than 13 kilometers bike ride. Fortunately it was warm enough to bike comfortably. I heard from my boss that I didn't have to come, but he seemed to be glad that I safely arrived to work. On the way to and from the office I saw electricity recovered in the area around center of the city. I also saw waiting lines in front almost every store. Sendai station was still closed, and I even saw a train between stations near my house, where damages from the earthquake was relatively light. Seeing trains can't even return to their base, I was convinced that there was a long way to go before trains run again. Buses were running from my area, but not on regular basis, which had made me think of using bike. Public phones at the station and junior high school nearby were o...

I live in Sendai city. Fortunately I lived in the inland area, I was safely back home. I can't believe there are hundred of bodies washed away by tsunami within 20km away from my place.

Really I'm too timid to follow someone. Now I work for an IT-related company, I need to be more familiar with communications through the Internet.

I feel my age when I come up with a pun when I hear a certain word. I thought I was young, but I'm already 35.

On March 9 I gave thanks to my colleagues because March 9 reads in "thank you" in Japanese.

for a half marathon in Sendai on May 9.

Move forward instead of think of the past terrible experiences. Otherwise, I'm afraid, anger and sadness might overwhelm me, and I'd get stuck again.