Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

The swimming goggles I ordered on Monday arrived. This is cushionless (this type is for competition and not for long swimming, according to the manual) and has dark color. Its lenses are darker than I had expected. I'm going to see if I can swim comfortable with the goggles on on Saturday.

After the end of today's work, the feeling in my mind and body was really strange. I probably was really tired then, and hesitated to utter so, but my behavior indicated much worse message, giving at least 10 passengers uncomfortable feeling. I'm sorry about that. On the train, I felt as if I was flying in the air while standing, and thinking that "have I already been dead?". 5 minutes after three seat became free, two sat and one seat left free, but it was not until the train arrived at the next station and stopped that I managed to take an action to have a seat. I had been feeling that I was so unsettled that when I bent my knees to sit down while running, my entire leg would get tense, stiff and fall on the ground instead of having a seat. I'm writing this. This means I was finally alive, and all I experienced on the train this evening was a serious panic from mental tiredness and anxiety I daily hold from day to day.

It's really good to have someone who understand your effort. I experienced today at my workplace, when I talked with my boss about the review of my monthly goal. At first I was not able to communicate very well how I struggled with one item and I had led misunderstanding another item. I tried to make explanations and sent them via email. Later, I talked in person with her, and I was really relieved that she basically understand how hard I'm trying to meet the goals, and how hard I'm doing to adjust to the working environment.

I lost my tumbler somewhere when I was going to work this morning. I visited the lost-and-found in Sendai station, but I couldn't get it back. Last week I had flat tire of my bike. (Later I was successful to fix it.) I couldn't communicate at all when I wanted to order my new business suits last Thursday. I will try again some time in a month probably, after my mental state is settled enough. Stress sources one after another, however, I'm thinking that it's good to be able to live daily lives.

There are many roads uphill around my home. This is good location for hill climb training of road bike. I road the bike for the first time in a month, took a route to a shopping mall my parents go to two or three times a month. How steep the uphill, how narrow the road, and how heavy the traffic!! I haven't pay much attention to the drive to the mall, but every time they go, there are four 100-meter hills to get over there and round the mall.

My mental state has been almost wreck, so this Saturday's break was really helpful. I played Touhou, took nap around noon, clean up some audio and video tape media, and went to swimming pool.

I gasped many times this week. I had so many small unexpected event that I couldn't keep my mind calm enough to sleep enough. Sleep continues to the key to maintain my mental state healthy. Plus fair amount of exercises.

After I got certified as CCNA, I tried a few practice questions for ITIL Foundation. I was only able to answer 10 percent of questions. I searched for good textbook. One of recommendations was, "ITIL for Dummies." I asked to myself, "What is a dummy?", and looked up the meaning. Then next question came "Who is a dummy?" I don't want to explicitly say my answer. I have a little bit of pride. On the other hand, being able to explain something "for dummies", I believe, is one of excellent skill I would like to acquire.

When I was in elementary school, I was said this way so many times. "We don't need you here." "We don't need you in this group." I was hurt and sad then. I have been thinking that those were things of the past. What would they have to do with me present, in the environments of so many cares? I have just realized these days that the scars from my experiences of having been banned from peer groups I was supposed to be in is so deep that it affect my behavior now, more than 30 years after the event. And probably it's going to affect my way of living unless I won't take action to really free myself, especially my mind, from past experiences, and know communicating with people can be enjoyable.

This morning I saw blueish color in the sky. It was probably for the first first time in as long as one month. The last time I say blue sky was in the middle of July sky. It wasn't so blue and not clear at all, and today's forecast is telling it's going to be a bit rainy too. Blueish color, however, gave us new hope to live more energetically.

When my idea is not good enough, I write this idea anyway and mark this out of 100 for myself with respect of relevancy. Probably the idea will be from 20 to 40, and I review this idea the other day. Then chances are I may come up with a better idea or two, with higher mark. When an idea, view, or remark is requested it highly depend on my mental or physical state whether I can come up with a relevant idea. The worse the condition, the less likely I'm likely to come up with a good idea. I hope on another day I will get better and come up with better idea.

1. Continuing to think of benefits of other people and try to show that I'm willing to do them as much as possible. 2. Sleep early for next day's good start. 3. Being pleased with the fact that my compulsive behaviors these days are on the decline. Keeping to this pace. 4. Instructions are good, even if I feel hurt for a while or perhaps in a day or to. It's a good chance to learn what actually pleases or benefits other people. 5. Being prepared for continuing rainy weather, and consider next choice of my nice umbrella. I have used my current one for 3 years, a little bit rusty, not so much repels water so much, and the strap is going to be broken.

My cracked corners of the mouse lasted for more than one half year. The other days I noticed that I have been recovered from them. Now I suffer from eczema in the fourth finger of my right hand.

I listen to BBC 4 In Our Time podcast. There has been no update since the beginning of July. I wondered what happened or this series ended without an announcement. According to the entry of this program in Wikipedia, it's taking a break until the end of September. When I looked my podcast history carefully, episodes between July to September of every year miss. I'm looking forward to the next episode. In addition to this, the episodes I already have in my Walkman is worth while listening repeatedly and I'm thinking that why don't I try back numbers before I knew this program.

Right after I passed my CCNA last Thursday, I got a copy of the 14th Touhou Project shooter. I have beaten the Normal level with the rest of character types, but not with Sakuya B. I heard that the 16th was published much the same time I got the 14th, so I'm 4 years behind. When I saw the last-modified date of the exe file, it was yesterday of 4 years ago.

Today I went to work for the first time after the summer holidays. Things went pretty well except a few of categories. I have to get used to contact with my co-workers when something different happens. This is one key to get along in a workplace.

Weekdays when I have to work pass so fast, and so is this summer holidays. Tomorrow, I'm going to work again. Weather wasn't blessed much, so I couldn't ride bicycle anywhere as I had planned, but instead I swam almost every day and walked in the rain from home to swimming pool.

I go to swimming for exercise, for the prolonging wet weather which discourage me from bicycling in spite of 5-day holidays. Today, my goggle was broken and I hadn't brought any spare with me, so I swim without one. Therefore I could only swim comfortably with back stroke and glide kick practice.

This morning my state mind was so bad and I was so tired that I couldn't stand the sounds of my local church. I had to spend a lot of energy even though I had been exhausted enough. Hyperacusis often causes serious problem in my church life.

Weather forecast for coming two weeks says that the weather around this area doesn't likely to turn better. I had counted on bicycling on summer holidays when I wanted to lose weight, but it's going not to be suitable weather until the end of August. I am instead enjoying walking and swimming although weather isn't so good to have regular exercise.

In the beginning of August Japan Meteorological Agency announced that the rainy season in the Tohoku area ended, but it seems to be in name only. After then, our area didn't have had fine weather at all. Right after the announcement, the weather continued to be rainy because of Tropical Storm Noru, far offshore to the southeast at that time. It advanced so slowly that it continued to affect the weather of our area for more than a week before it actually arrive there. Fortunately the storm didn't cause major disaster in our area when it actually passed, but summer weather didn't come back either. Instead it's wet and cold for this season. When I saw weather forecast this noon I saw a "rainy front, returned" over Kanto area of Japan. It's likely that it continue to be wet and cold until the end of August. On the other hand, signs of fall have already appeared. I heard crickets chirping when I was on the way back from swimming in the afternoon. In t...

I finally passed Cisco ICND2 (200-105) exam today and renewed my CCNA certification for next 3 years. This time I was under much more pressure than I took ICND2 exam in 2011 and 2014, majorly in 2 senses. First the big change of topics on which we are tested. I try really hard to remember various WAN services and configurations, infrastructure service and management, as well as routing and switching protocols, which I had already studied hard in former 2 exams. Second is the language barrier. last time I took the exam in Japanese. This time I took one in English. I chose the English version because of two reasons. First is extended time. I got 30-minutes extra exam time because I chose English test in a test site in Japan. The extra 30 minutes worked so well that when I finished test, there were still 26 minutes left, and also that I have enough time to think carefully enough and not worry much about waste of time, for example I try to configure one of the routers to fix the proble...

I'm not sure if I have studied enough. Exam results I'm going to have will show. At least I refrain from playing video games in recent three weeks, and had as many exercises as possible. I read textbooks, and find there are still more to learn on them. I tested the web(flash)-based exam tutorial on Cisco's official site twice today, and checked that I understood most of English written on it, except for conversion from Fahrenheit to Celsius.

There are a lot to learn. I forget one thing right after I learn another thing. After tens of repetition, I finally learn 10 pieces of knowledge. I type some of those command, but I can't still remember syntax of a few configuration command. Besides, I have to learn command to view configurations and statuses, and memorize what field I get from one command and in what case of trouble shooting it is useful. If I hadn't paid for CCNA exam for the day after tomorrow, I wouldn't learn even there are still a lot of knowledge about computer network technologies. I may be losing the exam fee, but at least I would like to learn as much knowledge as possible through this period.

Deadline in 2 days. High scores in practice test don't seem to ease myself so much. There are many holes of knowledge in the area where I have to learn to pass CCNA exam. Acquiring knowledge, know-hows, and commands for future use fore someone else should be my next target, as well as doing my best for the exam in 2 days.

- Cassette tapes.  I don't have a lot of recordings, the quality of recording is not so good.  Some people may feel nostalgia for cassette tapes, have a huge stock of recordings, or sound character when they play back their recordings. I feel a bit of nostalgia, but I'm totally satisfied with digital music.  - Business English textbooks except for vocabulary builder  I subscribed radio business English course from 1998 to 2002. I didn't listened so seriously, but it helped me pass the highest rank of Eiken (an English test popular in Japan).  I have thought that I scan the textbooks, but I decided to give up except for the vocabulary builder, the last few pages of monthly textbooks.

I rode my road bike for the first time in a week, due to bad weather recently. Before I rode, I pumped up the tires, but I broke the Presta valve of the rear wheel. I replaced the tube, but the valve was the problem again. It's 34 mm long and a little bit too short for a road bike rim. At last I succeeded to pump up the tire, so it was all right after all, but I will choose a tube with valve length longer than 48 mm from now on. When you ride a road bike you may want to deal with valves of the tire much more carefully, for it's relatively easier to break and you are going to pump up your tires at least once a week, which increase the risk if you don't carefully deal with them.

Blogging is communication. The major part of business is communication. I have a lot to learn to communicate effectively. This is a reason why I haven't been able to both of the activities.

One of the most important targets is CCNA recertification. I have to take the test in a week. I'm thinking that it's time to have next targets for this blog. I have a few ideas.  - Improving and simplifying the appearance of the blog  - Using illustrations to decorate posts  - Giving up daily update and focusing more on enriching each post.

Workplace attendance has been my first priority for at least a half year, and I can do little anything else, for example cleaning up my room or contributing some idea on somewhere on the Web.

Yesterday, I couldn't sleep until 11 p.m. This was a little bit too late for me, causing lack and low quality of sleep. I had finished study for my CCNA recertification at 9 p.m. but since then I couldn't stop viewing the news on the web although none of them was specially exciting to me.