Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Half the height of K van. A sport car. Half the height of Mt. Fuji (3,776m) is 1,888m.

I'm always told in my work place that sending thank you email is a good manner, so I have made it a habit to send ones at work. However, when it comes to my private life, I seldom send one. There are several situation in which I may want to send one, a meeting for adults with developmental disorder, and a setting with my mentor. Last week I had both occasions, so even it is a little to bit, sending one may give the participants pleasant surprise, and it may help me reinforcing the habit of sending a thank you email after I meet someone.

I guess this week I'm going to have climaxes of stress twice, and how to get over the first is important. I'm thinking of having a mug of Starbucks drip coffee first after I arrive at the station and headed for work. I also have to spare time for stop and relax for a while, by taking action 5 minutes faster than I usually do.

My characteristic? Reserved, geeky, ... and restless. Today's lunch after the worship service we have guests from Taiwan, so my local church members introduced themselves then. I left as early as possible to avoid the situation where I had to speak something, but instead I said to my self things like the top here at the exit.

I woke up before 5 a.m. I was so tired that I couldn't exercises for CCNA test in the morning. Instead I viewed a blog site with reviews of retro video games. I was surprise some of games had low rates, although either I liked them or they were highly approved or widely recognized as masterpieces. They were his personal impression, so he writes whatever he felt about the gave he played. I wish I were able to share my impression of games I played as long and freely as he was doing.

Thanks to hourly cloud forecast, I went on bicycling from 4:30 p.m. today, after knowing there was little possibility to rain around my area in the next one or two hours. I had given up bicycling today this morning because forecast was saying it would rain all the day, and it had been still raining at 6 a.m.

In study for CCNA, I have hard time with remembering similar terms. Especially configurations of pools needed for network devices. When I first passed CCNA, I only learned the IP address pool used for nat. This time, in addition to this, I have to remember pools for DHCP and PPPoE setting, and others. Ironically I remembered this when I was changing clothes into swimsuit at a swimming pool today afternoon.

Study for this morning: Header and procedures of TCP connection, features of Cisco devices, and subnets. A little bit behind schedule, and I seed more practice on PPPoE, PPP multilink, and GRE tunnel.

Rainy season is persisting until the end of July and perhaps even the beginning of August in Sendai. I feel sorry about less chance for exercise bicycling, but it's not bad for making more time for study for CCNA. -If my motivation lasts nonetheless rainy weather.

I usually have hot coffee in the middle of summer, but sometimes I want ice coffee. This year I happen to have a few sticks of Starbucks VIA Christmas Blend. I haven't have the idea until now, but I'm thinking why don't I make a cup of ice coffee from it? If I do, I'm thinking of review it.

Until today, in the bottom of July, I have forgotten that there are a few sticks of Starbucks VIA Christmas Blend. I had a cup in the beginning of the work for today, and there are still 6 sticks left. In 4 months, Christmas Blend for this year will be on sale. Perhaps I can enjoy this my favorite instant coffee until I get the package for the next season.

There's no time for worrying about my condition and tiredness. My tiredness is something to be taken care of by myself as soon as possible, rather than worried about. I hope I can continue to have this point of view as long as possible.

I get out of the chapel for a while when I'm restless or jumpy. I close chapel door for 3-year-old kids. I watch once in a while kids playing to see if something dangerous is not happening. I try to relax, shaking my whole body and sometimes raising meaningless voices. I sometimes talk to myself to check my knowledge, or denying my wrong thought which may destroy myself or destructive desires. Typically I get out of the chapel for a while. These are things I need to control myself, but most adult have higher enough capability to control themselves, without explicitly talking to themselves. Perhaps I'm able to understand other people are also fighting with irrational, unreasonable, or destructive thoughts. I however have hard time to understand why they are able to fight silently, without making noise or big changes of their facial expressions.

The date for my Cisco 200-105 exam has been determined for Aug.10, 2017. I'm practicing exam preparation quizzes at a highest pace in these years. The idea that if I fail I will lose a lot of money contributes to this high pace of learning. This time exam language is English, so I want to get familiar with the terms frequently used in the exam. I also want to be careful for keeping plenty of time for rest, to maintain my condition, with good sleep.

According to weather forecast, it was going to rain in the afternoon, so I brought all my exercise today to the morning. I went on bicycling before I have breakfast and I went to swim before I have lunch. After all it didn't rain today until I'm going to bed. The temperature went as high as 37c degrees at noon today.

I made an reservation for ICND2 200-105 exam, as recertification of CCNA for August 10. The exam cost so expensive that passing at once by studying hard will be the best discount, rather than lose time looking for discount information of product I maybe buy in a year.

I only can do small things for families and colleagues. Still I'm allowed to live. I collect information and communicate as I am told. I put away dishes after meals. I clean up my room once in a while. I'm beginning to do more things by first illustrating.

I got off the train and was going home. I was so nervous that I couldn't walk straight. I had been planning walking or jogging after supper, but it may be too dangerous for tonight. After all I jogged at 8 p.m. because I find it hard to sleep then.

Business manners exam (Jun. 25), passed. Vocational skilled contest (Jul 15), lost. Network technologies exam (first half of August), awaiting. One event after another, I'm felling as if I was playing the fast mode of real time game. If it was a real game it would be challenging and exciting, but in real life it's giving a great pressure to me.

It was Marine Day holiday. I bicycles from mountains, 2 dams, to a ferry wharf. I started 5:30 a.m. and got back home 1:30 p.m. I rode 95 kilometers.

Dragon Quest trivia videos. Sometimes trauma scenes and urban legends. Game play videos of Atelier Series (especially Rorona, Totori, and Meruru), in Japanese and English. Sometime skiing videos. Demonstrations, badge tests, and alpine races. They aren't video, but news in Yahoo Japan, but making me sad most times, and consume as long time as I view these videos.

I stumbled in looking fore job after I graduated from university, because I couldn't hardly communicate, especially at a place I first visit. It took 5 years before land job. During this 5 years, I received vocational rehabilitation supports for people with developmental disorders. In this period, I had lot I wanted tell wide around me, how I struggle with finding a means to make a living. Perhaps I even cursed myself about how I was incapable of communicate, which is fatal to job hunting. In the first year after I graduate from university it took 15 minutes even to say my name, when I was asked to tell. I attended recruit fairs several times a year, but the means almost only I could then to initiate communication with any company was crying aloud and draw attention of the staff of the job fair. I was probably a person a company wanted to avoid talking to and employing in recruiting, however (namely) high education I had been gotten through. If a company avoid any risk in hirin...

I lost. I did well. One bad thing was I didn't take the shortest path to meet the requirement and only 2 pages out of 5. I need rest, and after I regain energy enough to make a lot of effort, I will learn about more efficient way to edit text files into html. (Abylinpic, vocational skill contest, homepage division)

Fireflies are welcome, but definitely not ants!! News are telling these days that fire ants were found in several ports in Japan. I was thinking that whether they are more dangerous than hornets. According to what I've heard, being bit by them may bring us great pain and many hundred deaths caused by them every year. News about the ants made me scared a bit of "ordinary" little ants I see, when I prepare bicycling.

I heard a news story that many information system about rivers and dams are under danger of cyber attacks. I wondered why local governments choose the Internet instead of leased line or VPN. It's probable the matter of cost. I also wondered that why the news source would too much focused on the Internet to which basically everyone can connect, instead of private networks Well, with this those who are not familiar with computer network are likely to confuse the Internet with computer networks of any kind, and think that "Computer Networks are dangerous." Things we can do is know the risk of connecting to the Internet where everyone connect, especially using it a tool of shopping, or use as a public information tool, and know what we can trust and what we can pass when the connection is not totally trustworthy.

Atelier series stories are great also in English. It's regretful that I can't play myself in English, but I can view some episodes on Internet video sites. Some of the words are so addictive that I'm going to learn by heart and even use carelessly in everyday conversation, if ever I have an opportunity to do one.

Not all memories when I was in elementary school were bad. I looked forward to summer vacations, and I had a few good memories. I look back then, thinking that in elementary school I was hardly able to communicate with other peer students and the teachers in the way I was expected to do for my age then. It was even doubtful that I was able to speak a full sentence when I communicate to my classmate. Well, I remember I was able to, but I was hardly able to make sense. Most I spoke then was nonsense, often emotional, desperately want to win the argument with bragging, which made my position even worse. Well, it was worth noting that many of my classmate, in spite of the fact that I was panicked and cried from a smallest trouble, treated me as a classmate, if not their closest friend. I just didn't know that I have a problem with communication and perception, and that I enjoy having activity by myself therefore it was not a great deal even if I wasn't able to make friends...

I looked into myself in the mirror downstairs . My lower lip was down and I looked disagreeable and tired. I often see middle-aged and elderly men and women, shoulders down, cheeks and lips down, and looks either discouraged, disagreeable, or tired. In my first impression I may disgust them, including myself, but I change my mind and I make efforts to feel for them and take small action for them. This eventually take care of and save myself looking down and discouraged.

I'm thinking that I want to draw pictures and illustrations after I become 70 years old. I would like to work in the IT industry until then. Then I want to keep up with information technologies for next 30 years and their applications to business scenes.

I hold back complaining, then little thing remain to tell. I'm surprised how much my heart has been filled with complaints!

My CCNA certification will expire for this August. I'm reviewing knowledge of CCNA to get recertificated. Just now I practiced 20 questions on EIGRP. I have been remembering much of knowledge I learned to get certificated last time, but there were a few questions I haven't been studied. I need to study to learn more to keep up with knowledge required for getting certificated as a CCNA.

Starbucks drip coffee was not for refreshment when I was breathless with long bike ride, I learned a lesson, although it is a good stimulant when I'm tired in the morning and want to get more vigor to set and continue to work. Today I went a bicycle shop to have the brakes upgraded. It took 2 hours, so I walked along Sendai city, bought a ballpoint pen and a bundle of sketch books, then dropped at a Starbucks near the shop to kill time, sketching a bit. I ordered drip hot short, as I usually do before I begin working, but the coffee got hard on me, with overloaded heart and continuing thirst under the heat of over 30C degrees. So am I going to have short hot drip coffee at a Starbucks tomorrow again? Well, it's probable. If I think having a cup of Starbucks coffee help me work with more lighter mind on Monday.

Today Sendai was really hot. The thermometer at the entrance of home indicated 36C (97F) degrees. I enjoyed bicycling along a dam lake upstream. In the lakeside blew gentle comfortable window, and especially when I road in a shade of trees, I thought that it was grate to be there in that hot day, perhaps hottest days in the year.

Just after I finished expanding the post for tonight about my automobile flashback ,  an earthquake was happening around Sendai area. Fortunately the earthquake wasn't so strong. I hope I'm going to set for sleep in 20 minutes. I'm concerned a bit, because the earthquake added to my excitement, adding my post much longer than I had expected. I hadn't been thinking I was able to speak about my past experience so long, although I'm not sure I'm effectively communicate my experience. If I wanted to communicate more effectively, I would use 10 times more illustrations, although what I can draw now are just collection of many line, trying to replay my memory, but least likely to tell something funny. Now I'm on a training. My goal? Perhaps an illustrator and narrative 30 years later, after drawing and writing filling hundreds of sketchbooks.

My hand remembered a scene with a family car in 1980s. I was tired, just finished the work for this week, bat the flashback wasn't so bad...... As long as I am able to sleep before 10:00 a.m. tonight. I remember a lot of things about my childhood once in a while, and many of them was terrible, such as experiences I was bullied and every day I was thinking that I might be going to be killed or choose death myself at school, in my second and third grade, and sometimes uttered about the idea. With this attitude, it was really difficult to have normal communications with peer students. I know this hard fact later. Later I came to know adults around me who supported me was thinking that there was a lot of problems in communicating. Well, then, when I was eight or nine years old, I just felt that I meet a disaster or two every time I go to school, bullied or picked by my classmates and even 2-year junior to me, although I was much bigger, and had far more knowledge than they, ...

I took a walk to watch fireflies after I bathe. I went to a bridge nearby, then went downhill to rice paddies along the riverside. There I saw a few fireflies. These days it's hot, with high near 30C (86F) degrees, but not so sticky for this time of the year, in the middle of rainy season. At night it is probably around 25C (77F). In the past I saw ones in the middle of June, and this year there may be, but I was too tired to go out and check and see.

I usually use Pale Moon web browser at home. This morning, when searching the Web, Pale Moon PDF viewer is distributed again. https://addons.palemoon.org/addon/moon-pdf-viewer/ I lost no time in installing. I haven't yet checked overall usability of this viewer, but being able to view PDF contents without getting out of the browser is really convenient. Since its major update and it didn't support PDF any longer, there hasn't been no choice but launching external PDF viewer when I have to access a PDF content. I didn't change my main browser, because at home I have to view a PDF page on the Web a few times a month, while I have to view about 100 PDF pages a day at work, for which I use Google Chrome as the main browser at work.

Working without delay, and taking as much as possible, this is what I can do in the first of this week.

My weak facial expression. This was what I saw in the mirror for the first time I was in the wash room after a arrived at my work place. Saturday, and Sunday, I slept a lot, and I rode a lot. It seemed to be a good way of stress coping, but on Monday, I noticed, I'm still under the influence of chronic stress. Continued self care is the key for recovery.

Today I went to the bike shop I had bought my bike from. I started after worship service. I went there to upgrade the brakes, for the current ones were low grade and my fingers get much tired after I rode long downhill. I like hill climb, but after climbing up a hill, then downhill come next. I'm so poor at speed that I want to depend on brakes to control the speed. This is the reason I want to upgrade the brake of my bike. The new ones I wanted was out of stock, so the actual work will be 2 weeks later. For that weekend, I have Abilympics (vocational skills contest) on whole Saturday and dinner with friends from developmental disorder group for Sunday night, so I'm worried that the schedule will be tight on that weekend.

Bike tire changing practice on Sunday. I have a spare tire tube for my road bike, and handy foot pump, preparing for a flat tire, but I haven't used my handy pump. I put air in tire with a bigger air pump at least once a week, keeping pressure near 8bar. I have viewed a few time videos about how to fix flat tires, changing tubes and tires, but I'm not sure I'm able to do actually. I had been thinking that I need to practice how to attach the tube and tire to the wheel rim. I was reluctant because my bike was much more stronger to flat tire than as I had expected it be, as long as I keep air pressure regularly. I didn't want to intentionally take the risk of having flat tire by my poor skill. Finally I decided after I had flat tire on the way of annual maintenance, and fortunately the shop noticed it and fixed it. It was 11:30 a.m. that I started the training. I detached the front tire from the frame, deflated it, and detached the tire and the tube from the wheel co...