Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

As a young adult constantly in troubles, panics, and alienation, struggling with speech and behavior, helping hands was critical to survive daily life. Originally I wanted to talk about myself who took helping hands for granted to coordinate my potential ability even if I don't know how to show my advantage and my needs. But before discussing this, I came up with the idea that in the beginning of my job hunting, I had only negative campaign of myself , and I had no awareness of it then. Especially when I entered university, I was totally blown away, impossible to calm myself, and fell into jumpy behavior. Thanks to some helping hand, gradually I began my daily life in university. Even after I began campus life, I found myself seldom relax except when I was lying on my bed. In terms of achievements in university life, with many helping hand I did it. Although I could never relax in critical events in my university life, almost always I was seriously panicked, sometimes with ...

I reflect on the needs I felt now of what I needed 20 years ago when I was 18 adequate aptitude to enter university in knowledge base, apparently shown by written tests lack of skill to compose a whole presentation, while quite high performance to fill blanks lack of understanding that the goal of higher education - pursuit of truth is primary and education is secondary several items of development in behaviors, communications and social skills left around or under elementary school level (e.g. I didn't know what to say when I eat out) lack of awareness of what I want to do as an adult

Emotions like oncoming wall. Facial expression frowning, closing one eye and the other tightly, big "smile" both ends of my lips risen highly, but teeth ready to bite at the next moment. I tried to smile to care someone else, but ended up making the public fear and strengthening my fear also.

I was a siren-man in elementary school. Every day I screamed whatever unexpected things happen or every slight physical or psychological pain. I didn't know why I end up crying after a few hours after I had made up my mind to behave for the day. One classmate said that "in order not to care the scream he make, you only have to get accustomed to the bell ringing before a train leave." I've forgotten I was such a siren-man when I was in elementary school, but today's stress which was so severe that I was about to put siren noise out my lips, babbling buzzing sound on the way home when nobody else wasn't interested enough. Showing fatigue with implicit behavior may affect morale of the workplace, so sharing information of my physical and mental condition isn't always easy, sometimes busy with their own businesses, so at least I myself should be one who appreciate my 30 years survival refusing tempt of terminating my life by myself, under the daily and con...