Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

These days I've been really tired with data entry work and task of end of the month. I prefer listening to music to newscasts, so I've been away from listening to any newscasts for recent 1 week. Now I feel my vocabulary have gotten much smaller than 2 weeks ago. When I want to write something, it takes more than 2 minutes to come up with the suitable expression, and in many cases I gave up writing what I wanted to write. In this experience, I realized again that listening and reading regularly enhance my vocabulary.

Today, I'm on a half holiday. It's 11:00 a.m. now. I'm starting for work. I start working at 1:00 p.m. Last night I couldn't go to sleep early, although I arrived home 8:30 p.m. I couldn't controll the tension of my mind, and wandered on the Web from page to page. I slept until 7 a.m. this morning. It was later than usual, but it wasn't oversleeping. If I had had to leave at 8:10 a.m. as usual, I would have been able to prepare for work until then. The problem is that I was still so tired that I can't take action early. Moreover, I need more expensive coffee than usual to forget my heavy feeling and continue to work with a great concentration.

I was so tired that I left early a meeting of adults with developmental disorders, only attending at the first 30 minutes. I couldn't control very well the tension of my mind after I took a business manners exam. Having a chance to meet up with people who meet difficulty at certain situations of real life.

My private tasks are jammed recently. Tasks at work aren't so much. Writing something here, contacting a group of developmental disorders, and scanning old and new document almost flooding on the floor of my room.

Today I received a notification of renewal of an internet domain I own from the registrar. Its renewal fee and domain privacy service fee was so expensive that I decided to change registrars. Now transferring process is on its way. I got it 4 years ago, and ran my site for 2 years, but I closed my site after then because my condition wasn't enough to continue the site. It's already 2 years that I gave up maintaining my own site, and it will take some time to restart to provide information by running site. Until then I want to maintain my domain for as low price as possible.

Self control after it may perhaps be one of the most difficult things about taking a test. It's not easy to get my tension back to normal level after a test. I'm typically excited or depressed. The change of my mental state affects me so much that it may cause lack or low quality of sleep. Aftercare perhaps is among the most important things about taking a test or exam.

A.M. : Ordered a pair of skiing boot. At a custom fair of a ski equipment shop, held in the eastern area of Sendai. I took the Subway Tozai Line. Lunch : Went to a Sapporo ramen restaurant and had a bowl. The shop was about to close for the end of June. I took Tozai Line to come back to Sendai station and took a bus to the western area where the ramen shop is located. P.M. : Got back to Sendai central area, taking a bus, to take a business manners test beginning at 2:50 p.m. Now : I got back home in the west area. I got off of train or bus four time at Sendai station.

I'm listening to musics of atelier series these days, on the train ,as well as playing a video game. Usually I listen to newscasts or talk shows spoken in English on the train, but these days I'm so tired that I need music more frequently in my daily life.

I had expected too much on the "Railway Museum" holiday yesterday as a stress relief. Today I was still tired, and my apparent stress got even worse, although I did really enjoy the holiday yesterday, and it was really good chance for resting my eyes. Is one day not enough, does it take effect later, or the holiday itself have made me even more tired?

Weather forecasts for today says it rains heavily in wide area of Japan. Although almost all the plan is indoors, I'm a little bit worried.

Tomorrow I'm going to take a holiday and riding train almost all the days. In weekday evenings I'm often frustrated on the train, but it's different for trains for fun and joy.

I was sometimes frustrated by contacts from dull guys over the Internet. They were interested in my posts in my Japanese blog. Well, I have noticed that I myself is and getting even more a dull guy, especially compared with me 5 years ago. Moreover, from what you see here, I guess you can guess I'm a dull person. The guys who sought contact with me was looking for something interesting, while they were suffering hard time at their lives or their workplaces, just as I'm looking for something interesting with my tired spirit. My Japanese blog was richer than this blog, dealing with developmental disorder issues, stress coping in the workplace, landscape photos, and scribble of automobiles I loved when I was child. Regretfully, my activities has become less frequent than I did 5 years ago. Well, I perceive that my energy has gotten a little bit weaker than then. I'm looking for the way to recover the energy to communicate more about my views and my activities.

I use cmd.exe to perform certain kinds of operations, like creating a template file with the date of today. I'm thinking that it's time to transit powershell from cmd.exe, after the Creator's Update of Windows 10 in the beginning of this month. Cmd.exe isn't shown anywhere in the start menu, although you can still use it if you type "cmd" in the "run" dialog. I have been accustomed with cmd.exe so long time that it takes great work to do the same things in powershell, but the Today, I used the command xcopy /t /e (dir1) (dir2) on cmd.exe to copy only directory structure but no file. It's time to look for the way how I can do the same thing on powershell.

Bike and swimming. Forgotten how to. On the bike having forgotten how to ride caused my hip pain. Most of time most of my weight is on my hip on the saddle. Well, as for swimming, I haven't completely forgotten, but I have to learn again how to relax and remove tension from deskwork in the water.

Co-workers' smiles are also important. I'm grateful for the fact that they work with smile as well as I do.

I'm still slow to do anything. In the beginning of this month I felt so heavy that I got really slow to take any action, like preparing for work, having a meal, and even playing a video game. I have much recovered from the condition I had in the beginning of this month, but I still have to be careful not to push too hard on my eyes, continuing viewing my laptop more than an hour.

Don't I hide what really is in my mind? Well my fatigue in the half of this June is from the frustrations of being unable to telling my frustrations these days and in the past. I'm facing two different approaches to tell my past experience. First, I would like to tell my struggle as a business person. Second, I would like to communicate my passion I felt and am feeling when I suffer struggles. If I can tell a story of my job hunting experience effectively, this will be valuable information for a few people looking for a job and struggling with their shyness and other communication problems. Unfortunately, however, for now I don't have the capability of telling a story without harmful exaggerations. This is one reason the other day I withdrew a blog post as my work. I want to take a businessman approach, but it will take 10 more days to complete my story with this approach.

It's time for leaving my laptop, folding my business suit and rest my eyes and mind, instead of viewing news topic not specially interesting to me. 20 minutes has passed since I looked at Yahoo! Japan top page to checking if there were interesting topics. Well I have some words to look up interested in a few podcast episodes, and also I have a few topics I would perhaps like to tell, but I should do this early in the morning, if I remember.

Having fair amount of confidence for my small progress. This is the key to write a blog entry when I'm disappointed because of great works I see daily.

I haven't even touch my road bike since the beginning of this year. Last year I was so crazy about getting one. My mind has been too weak to ride bike again. I restarted to bike today. I began with touching it, removing its cover, cleaning up the rust of the chain, and lubricated the chain. I rode a route around my home, then in the afternoon I brought the bike to the shop for maintenance. The next time I ride a bike will be the next Saturday, weather permitting.

My mental condition these days is relatively good. I'm working through without absence, and there is no warning sign like more mistakes than usual. There are a few small concerns with my mental condition. I'm easy to get irritated these days in the period of the day from I started for work and I arrive at my work. In addition to that, I need to have a canned coffee every day to refresh. If I was really fine, I would be really satisfied with instant coffee much less expensive than canned coffee. Today I talked to my mental health doctor about these days. I talked about the problem of morning train, but I forgot to talk about canned coffee problem. Well it's quite normal for people to have a canned coffee or two daily, but I'm hoping to cut expenses to my daily coffee, and the degree how much I can do is one good barometer of my mental condition.

I have a habit of counting down aloud while taking a bath. I have forgotten to what number I have counted down, so these days I'm counting around 26,300. Counting down is a good pronunciation training. You can focus on the movements of your tongue and lips, without caring about grammar rule. The order of numbers is same in your first language and a foreign language you are learning, even if the order of words is quite different between them, like me, English learner, with my first language Japanese.

I took a paid holiday for my birthday. I'm planning to go to Railroad Museum in Ohmiya. I take local train instead of Shinkansen on some part of my way, because it costs a lot I take Shinkansen all the way. I hope I can take green car (first-class car) of a local train, which I missed due to a trouble in the outing to Tokyo 3 years ago.

I ordered Starbucks Caffe Americano for the first time. I did because some website recommended it. From what I've heard, it's espresso thinned by special hot water, and some people prefer it to drip coffee. After I had it, I felt that I'll order drip coffee nest time, perhaps the other day in a week. I seem to like drip coffee better, which I usually order. Aroma and taste wasn't bad, but I thought that I can get similar taste with instant coffee. I realized that what I want for Starbucks coffee (regularly, except for "Reserve" coffee) is its strong taste.

I'm tired a little bit these days, but just in a 2 or 3 days, I thought that my condition is still manageable thinking of benefiting someone else.

I started my recording with my Walkman and its accessory mic. I read out loud scribbles of my ideas I made on Friday. I had gotten the accessory mic 2 years ago, but I hadn't been used many times because I can't use mic and headphone at the same time. This means I can't hear my recording right away until I detach the mic and connect the earphone. In spite of this inconvenience, I restarted my recording, because listening to the recording of my speech is important to improve my speech.

I'm into video game these days. The time to stop is really important to me. I play Atelier Meruru for the first time in 2 years. It is so highly addictive, make me think of how to make up strongest items and equipments, although I can beat the strongest boss with so-so but not strongest items. I use eyes and brain as well as while I'm working. It takes strong self control to decide when to leave so I prepare for other things.

I went swimming like last Saturday. The pool was not so clouded as last week, when fire fighter was doing lifesaving training. I was able to swim at my pace. What I like about swimming is that I can remember how to breath deeply, I tend to forget in the middle of paperwork.

First step : frequency. Achieved. I write anything whatever trivial and short everyday. Second step : frequency. How much, how many word I offer in every post. Now I only have at most 100 words for a post. I need to think what to communicate. What do I do? What can I tell if I want to make my post more than 200 words? Telling about suffering and joy in my elementary school life? Would I tell seasons and interesting monuments I see from home to work? I need to try as much as possible to give my audience from what little and strange I have through my life experience.

Although I have hard time with understand why, and although I'm not confident in putting all into actions, I don't hate to learn good practices of business manners as knowledge. The exam date will be June 24, 2017.