Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

The end of the year, I have few words. In the beginning of year, I post on this blog everyday. To the end of the year, my posts have less and less words, but it is still quite an achievement to post more than 500 times a year every day.

When I count numbers in the bath, I did without thinking. I know that now I've learned numbers from 1 to 1,000 by heart. I also know that half years ago, I hadn't really learned by heart how to count numbers in English. When I began the habit of counting numbers this summer, I often had to think what would come next. This thinking time prevent me from speaking smoothly, and even simplest things like counting numbers, it happens. Just counting numbers in the bath has told me a lot about what fluency is like and some of problems to solve to speak English (and Japanese) fluently.

Today I went to Sendai station in spite I was off work. I had two coffee tickets of Starbucks, which expire on the end of January, and I wanted to use them before they expire. At the shop I ordered soy latte Venti with extra shot of espresso. I was so tired that the extra shot was a little bit heavy to me. After lunch I went to a discount store and bought a film for Kindle Fire HD. I replaced the film while riding train. While covering Kindle with the film, the screen should be clean and free from dust. The covering work should also be done carefully. If you do in a rash, there are foams between the screen and the film, and you have to do again, and the more times you try to do, the less clean the screen, which is less desirable. After five or six times of retry, finally I succeeded in replacing the film. There is some dust remaining between the screen and the film. Then I took photos of myself with my Kindle. I was a little disappointed because I looked older and less neat than ...

I finished writing new year's greeting cards. I have a few people to send ones. I wrote messages and illustrations with my ball point pen. I hear that some people send tens or hundreds of new year's greeting cards. Such people use printing services or use printers and a little bit of handwriting messages. I can hardly imagine what I have hundreds of people to send greeting cards, but I imagine that probably it's what people doing important jobs is like.

I'm off until January 5, next year. All work days for this year have ended. I'm really relieved. I experienced a few mental crises in this year, struggling with coping with basic business communications. I made a great progress in skills in editing web pages. This is thanks to the opportunity of Abilympics. I prepared a lot for this skill competition and learn a lot of things about web pages and web programmings. There is one sad thing about my workplace. It's set as a workplace for disabled people in Sendai, however now I'm the only employee with a disability who regularly go to the office. I hope in the next year we'll do wonderful work with wonderful staff members with and without disabilities.

This evening I counted from 1000 down to 1 when I had a bath. It's for the first time in recent weeks. I don't remember any time I counted this many after December came. I was too tired to count many in December. I counted from 300 for a few times. These were the best I could these days. Today I could because I has been released from the burden of work for this year. I'm thinking that one of the simplest habit like counting numbers in a bath is not easy because our physical and mental conditions vary so much. Continuing a simple habit sometimes take us so far, and my counting habit helped me improving English pronunciation and speeches. I hope to improve my English speech by continuing simple habits like counting numbers in a bath.

In the morning these days, I'm so tired that I move slowly. I don't know what to do. When I listen to the music of favorite games I played many years ago, I feel a little bit relax. In this way the time of breakfast come, and prepare for going to work.

It hurts as if I had bruises on my legs and hip, but it's really a pain from stress and anxiety. I stopped several time when I had to walk to work from Sendai station. About 10 people passed by. Probably more than 100 people passed by since I arrived at the station until I arrived at my workplace. I guess this morning I couldn't overtake anyone walking after I arrived at Sendai station. I walked so slowly then. I jogged and overtook a few people from home to Ayashi station where I take train to work. I have to jog to catch train, because I don't have much time after I leave home.

I wish the true light be in your mind.

Today I went skiing. I learned that it's difficult to balance when skiing. Especially I need to twist the opposite upper body when I turn to the right, in which I stand on the left leg. Skiing has been teaching the understanding of what is standing straight like.

I prepared for skiing. Tomorrow is a national holiday. I was so tired that I'm not sure I will really able to go. My stressed and unbalanced head told that it wasn't safe to rest and relax in the bath today. I was afraid that I would be faint in the bath. Skiing is a good way to release myself from daily stresses, but it doesn't always assured that I feel great in the next working day.

Me the beginning of the weekend, anxiety. The anxiety that I might begin to scream any time with the last straw. The anxiety that I can't imagine what I would do when I fall into panic. I've felt these anxieties once in a while after I began to work at the age of 35 and when I went to university in my 20s and when I was doing hopeless job hunting in the first half of my 30s. Speaking about my anxiety may not encourage anyone, but I believe that it's far better than I resort to any destructive behavior when it be too late and my anxiety be too strong to control and recover from.

Christmas is a few days away. Today we celebrated Christmas at church.

Today I visited the mental clinic and got medicine for 3 weeks. After that I had a coffee break and later I had lunch in a Chinese restaurant. By the time I was about to come home, I felt a little bit uneasy in my stomach. It was probably out of my tiredness. I didn't feel like drinking a cup of coffee when I came home. I made a cup of instant coffee anyway. It was organic coffee. I had known that organic coffees are much gentler to stomach than typical coffees. The coffee didn't upset my stomach at all. I again felt that how gentle organic coffee is.

I've just noticed that I've seldom read back my posts in this blog, the only English edition of my blogs. I guess I probably hate to know statistics of the blog would show that the best reader/audience of my blog could be myself. Isn't this sound much lonely? On the other hand, in my Japanese blogs, one for my personal blog, and one for my workplace, I often feel that the person who wants to read my posts I guess is myself. Here's an episode to show this. A few years ago I wrote a post about TOEIC, a popular English test in Japan. There I wondered why on the Internet I hardly see articles of this English test and mentally or intellectually challenged (young-adult) people. (Personally I think foreign-language tests include some ingredient of intellectual tests) Some month later, the same question aroused in my mind and searched for the internet. The first page I saw was my blog post I had written beforehand. I've experienced similar results with some other...

This year I've already posted on this blog 485 times. This is much close to a goal I set in the beginning of this year. I set the goal that I post either every day or 500 posts for this year. Now 15 left to post, and 13 days left. In the beginning of year, I have a lot I want to tell someone about my characteristics, especially ones related to autism spectrum disorders. I also had a lot I wanted to tell how I struggled to find a job. Soon after I'm tired with my daily work and I was missing point in talking about myself as with a kind of autistic disorder. I was beginning to think that my weakness in communication can be overcome with an effort, which is incompatible with views from some adults with similar disorders. These days I simply haven't have very good idea for blog posts, because I'm even missing everything I'd like to tell because I've been too tired to form any thought or if I could have, I couldn't have put it into words. Continuing to po...

I often listen to newscasts spoken in English. I usually listen to these newscasts repeatedly. In many cases, I understand the point of the news only after I listen to them several times. I sometimes wonder that I seldom talk about news I listen to. I guess the newscasts I've listened to hardly has affected to my spoken English. Today when I listened to a newscast, I tried to translate word by word, and noticed that vocabulary and topics for the newscast are usually a little bit too heavy for daily conversation. Probably, this is a reason why my English conversation hasn't much improved no matter how much and how often I listened to newscasts spoken in English.

An piano app on Kindle is fun, but it consumes battery a lot. I've hoped that if I have some kind of portable piano, I'll enjoy music more. Some smart phones are said to have this kind of apps. I looked for one, hoping if there is one which runs on Kindle. I found "Real Piano", a free app on android, and checked if it's available on Kindle and it is. I lost no time installing and playing the app. It's fun to specify sounds of musics I listen frequently. However, thinking about sounds uses a lot of mental energy, as well as the app exhaust a lot of battery on Kindle.

When I'm kind of mentally out of shape, I tend to spend long lazy time even until I can sit and relax. Yesterday morning I listened my internal scream before I actually cry out loud. I actually endured silently and didn't shout. In my case when I listen something which doesn't sound outside, it's usually my internal voice or noise I'm prone to make but I barely refrain from making.

Yesterday I was so tired that I could walk only like a penguin. Today I had to walk like a penguin for another reason. The snowy sidewalks. By the time I was to leave from work, it was snowing and the road and the sidewalk was covered with snow. When I got off the train, the snow got even deeper and more slippery. I wasn't so tired as I had been the morning before yesterday, but I ended up in walking home like a penguin on the slippery sidewalk.

There are 950 meters from Sendai station to my workplace. In the morning usually it takes a little bit more than 15 minutes. When I'm heading for home I hurry from the office to the station in less than 10 minutes. This morning it took more than 25 minutes. I was so tired that I could only walk like a penguin. It took more than 2000 steps from the station to the workplace. When I left from work, it was less than 10 minutes left for the train, but I managed to catch the train. Regretfully, I didn't count steps, but if I had counted, it would have made a great contrast from 2000-step penguin walk in the morning.

Gravity is trying to wipe me out of my skis. The bindings and ski boots are holding me tight, so I'm barely on my skies. Keeping myself on the skies is the work to prevent gravity to wipe me out of the skis.

Skiing is fun, but after I ski too much I feel much tired. Everywhere in my body sores, especially around my calves, ankles and surprisingly, around my ribs. Today was the second day of the training session for skiing instructors. In the session, participant learned how to teach parallel turn from wedge turn. Since I haven't actually had an opportunity to teach someone skiing, I took the lesson passively, and didn't imagine how to communicate my students. I can't imagine whether I'm going to teach someone skiing in the future, but still, I need to be able to show and explain how to improve beginners' skiing, since I've been certificate as this position.

I went skiing for the first time in this 2014-2015 season. I participated in training sessions for skiing instructors. I participated in it because it was kind of compulsive. If it had not been compulsive, I wouldn't go skiing in this weekend. After I safely finished my first few runs, I thought to my self, "I still kind of like skiing, but these days, regretfully, I don't have enough mental capacity to recover from tiredness from work and my daily life and make time for skiing." Once I'm in the situation where I am to ski, certainly I find that I kind of like skiing, but now I hesitate to say "I make every effort to make time for skiing, coping with my daily stresses." On the other hand I can confidently say "I make every effort to cope with my daily stress and continue to work." Skiing is still one of my hobbies, but it's something I might choose to drop if I want to make a progress in my work.

I've gotten better from cold. Still, I've been feeling fatigued since this morning. I'm slow in doing everything these days. In spite I get up before 6am, the time I have to start for work is felt on a blink of eyes. This morning the word "I want to die" was on the tip of my tongue, but what I exactly felt was just, "I'd like to spend time relaxed not in a hurry".

I like to listen to BGMs of computer games. Sometimes I bought soundtracks of these games. I also like sound effects. Especially ones of Dragon Quest is unforgettable. When I select a command, when I cast a spell, when my turn to attack come, and when enemies attack, the sound of them is strongly engraved in my mind. As technology advances, BGMs has been much advanced and has become much more acoustic, so when I hear sound effects unchanged since its earliest series, I fees somewhat relieved.

I'm trying to write something. Considering cure of my cold, I think ,the shorter the time in front of my PC, the better, but I don't come up with any idea. Wasting time in front of my PC, I noticed that I'm looking for information about public ads, some of which were so scary and traumatic that I remember many times. I have had no idea of talking about public ads, but I've found myself curious when I look for scary ads when I have no idea what to write in front of my PC. When I was in university more than 10 years ago, I was writing an email. I hadn't been used to writing an email, so it took many hours for me to make a response for an email. I found myself looking for some scary ads while I was worrying that my email was either impolite or strange.

I've just looked for information about how to cure cold. I've just known that working on your PC is bad for curing your cold. So I'm thinking that I need to blog as brief as possible. The shorter the time in front of my PC, the better for cure for my cold.

My movement is slow. My thought is slow. This has been since I caught a cold. I've just come up with a few words in front of my computer. My tongue is also slow. I bathed today. I tried to count down, but I could only slowly. It was a good pronunciation practice anyway. I'm going to be slow to sleep, which I have to avoid if I want to cure from the cold. I'm doing my best to finish this post to sleep as early as possible, but the cold has been making me everything slow since I came home. It was fortunate that the cold didn't make my work slower.

Yesterday the low temperature was 2 degree below zero. Today it was zero, and the roads were covered with snow. I need my gloves and my coat on when I go out.

In the middle of November, I caught a cold. I couldn't be cured completely before I go to Nagoya to participate in Abilympics. In Nagoya, I needed to block coughs by taking medicine. After the trip to Nagoya, my cold seemed to cure, but I couldn't take enough rest and hadn't been cured completely even recently. Yesterday it was so cold outside and inside that my cold has gotten even worse. Fortunately I was able to sleep during the entire afternoon. I hope it help me be cured from this lingering cold.

I had a small reunion this night with a friend of badminton club when I was high school. We had a nice conversation. I was sad when I heard news that a few of my classmate have died and a few got involved in some troubles, and realized that we are much blessed, even though we aren't rich and at high status at all, but we have gotten along so far supported by many good people.

At work I check data back and forward again and again, being afraid of a mistake. Recently, I've been so much of perfectionist that it take much longer time than ever to get off a train, leave for work, and leave the workplace home. Adequate sleep, one hour longer than normal, will be continue to be needed not to make my state even worse.

Treated as if there were not such a person as me. As far as this blog is concerned, it's no problem to me. Now is not the time to be treated as there is a person as I am. The idea I can show in this blog, with the limit of writing in English, is too incomplete to tell someone something valuable. I hope, in the future, this blog will be recognized by several people as I'm showing my unique view fully from my standpoint and they will make the best out of it.

It's dark in the morning around this time of the year. When I wake up near 7am, time to prepare for going to work tend to run short, and I still feel a little tired even after I fully sleep. I need to wake up earlier. I've just set the alarm of the alarm clock for 5:40am. I've already set one of my watch for the same time, 5:40am, since I was on the previous job 7 years ago.

I've come to understand spoken English much more after I learned some tips for pronunciation. Now I often do a few types of "swing practices" of my tongue and lips. Counting numbers in a bath is one of them. I do another type of "swing practice". I listen to a certain podcast of spoken English, for example a news cast, and I move my tongue and lips without actually making sounds. I've, however, come to be able to imagine what sound will be made next. From this experience, I understood that any spoken language come primarily with sounds, and secondarily with letters, therefore learning sound is the most important if I have ears to listen.

I have every reason to let stress dominate over me. I'll sleep as soon as possible at night and take as many as possible, and if I'm able to wake up early, I'll do daily things and write something for my blogs and social network sites.

These days I often visit LingQ. Besides English, I listen to several foreign languages; French, German, and Chinese. Whether I'm really going to communicate in these language I'm not sure, but by the progresses of lessons, I know I'm capable of understand more than one language, which makes me freer, even if I'm not really going to communicate in these languages. This has been the motivation with which I learn English even if I don't have any concrete plan to communicate with anyone.

I slept for 3 hours in the afternoon. I needed to do this to recover from the stress, and today was the only day I could this in a few weeks.

On Sunday I have to participate in a lecture on skiing. If I don't sleep well today and tomorrow, there's no chance for recovery from fatigue from the trip to Nagoya for Abilympics and work after the trip.

So far I've been OK in this week, but I've find it hard to make any idea now. Probably I've been overloaded these days with Abylympics in Nagoya and making a lot of communication at work and people with disabilities of same category as I have. It's not a good idea to tell something by pushing myself too hard when I'm really tired. I hope that my vigor will be recovering soon.

Recently I've been doing well at work. The other staff member looks like struggling with business communications. We both are categorized to developmental disorders, but the way of do things and communicate are quite different. Fortunately I have been able to acquire some tips of business communications, but, as many with developmental disorders are likely to do, the other member seems to struggle with how to effectively communicate in typical communications like making a report, making a question, and taking orders.

Yesterday, on the last day of this holidays, I encountered an ad. It was about an English learning program which focuses on pronunciation with a goal to acquire speech speed of native speakers and understand what is spoken on a movie. My goal wasn't really joining a conversation with a native speaker, so I wasn't one who buy the program. I, however, was interested in the English teacher the ad recommends to take a course of. Seeing his video, I learned that making right sounds is the first step to learn "power-saving" pronunciation native speakers are said to use in their daily conversations. I adopted some of program. When I practiced pronunciation with super slow speed, I was able to be much more conscious of each sound I was to make than ever before. Unfortunately, I noticed that I couldn't really tell the difference of the pronunciations between "L" and "R", or "see" and "she". On other videos, I learned to mak...

As one of people with developmental disabilities, I've believed that we needed some technical terms in order to describe our difficulties. On the other hand, some English conversation programs focus on typical patterns you are most likely to hear or see. One program I saw a little while ago focuses on 60 patterns. I complained to myself that with these 60 patterns I can't describe my difficulties. On second thought I decided to explain some of our difficulties, with developmental disabilities, in expressions I think which is basic. Problems in Input / Output : What you see and hear / What you speak and write Very limited short time memory : When we are told several items or to do several things, we tend to easily forget what is told at the first. Single task : We basically do one thing at a time. Typical office workers can do several things at the same time and often requires co-workers to do so. We're likely to have a trouble when we have to / try to do more...

Now I've been set in front of my Computer at home in Sendai for the first time in four days. Never had I imagined that I continued to post to this blog during the 4-day trip in Nagoya without missing a day. It's thanks to Kindle and free wi-fi access at the hotel I stayed. Although I wasn't as comfortable as on my PC when I post on my Kindle, it showed several suggestions of words when I type the first few letters, which help me completing my daily posts.

Today Web page making for the contest. The competition has been done. Now, waiting for results. My performance was far from perfect, but barely satisfied minimum requirement. There were a lot of features I gave up, but at least I managed to appeal the point I most wanted to tell. I hope my approach will please the judges. One of the competitors was from a famous game manufacturer and he looked like high skills of programming and design softwares.

I'm in Nagoya to participate in the Abilympics, national vocational skill contest for disabled people. I'm going to make a website in the competition. Today was the opening ceremony and inspection. The opening ceremony was unexpectedly entertaining, although its audio environment was a bit too loud for me, which made me a little tired. In the afternoon, I was on the inspection. I imported the site I had made, and made some modification to make my work more efficient. Many things, I think, are missing to make it tomorrow, but I'll do my best anyway.

Thanks to the wi-fi service "mobilepoint" I'm online and can post to the blog on Shinkansen the superexpress train. I struggle with activating the connection, partly because of the purchase,  of the account, and partly because I wrongly took the note of my account.

I'm going to Nagoya tomorrow to participate a technical competition for disabled people called Abilympics. I'll stay there for 4 days. I thought that I'd be offline and wouldn't post blog posts during this stay, but I've found that there are some ways to connect to the Internet there. I'm not sure I'll post articles during the stay, but thinking about the options isn't bad.

For the competition in a few days, I go on making sample web pages based on which I work out on the day of the competition. Participants are supposed to make a few sample web pages to appeal to the make-believe customer, an NPO client who tell information about the city of the venue. I've been struggled with the appeal points and contents. Later, I've noticed that having been a blogger for several years can be appeal point to the client in that I can communicate grass-root information about for example details of local restaurants of sightseeing spots. I have been not so good a blogger, most of what I tell is daily struggle with my mental condition and my work, but thanks to many supporters in real life and on the Internet, I've continued my blogs in two languages.

I have a lot I want to try before a web page building competition just a few days away. I've learned a lot through reading several books on web design and web programming, and I have a few idea of what is the problem with the web sites I'm most likely to see. It's too short to implement all the idea, but I'd like to implement an idea or two to show new suggestion on web pages for elderly people.

To prepare sample pictures for web pages, I'm making some images using Adobe Illustrator. Since I couldn't take photos appropriate for the theme, making artworks with paint or draw software is a practical choice for me. During the work, I've noticed that I knew little about basics for Illustrator. I couldn't even alter handles for a corner point. Sometimes I moved the entire path instead of adjusting one anchor point. With some help on the Web I managed to make a few artworks, and I learned quite a few about the basics of Illustrator.

I've learned a lot about parts of web pages through reading books about HTML, CSS, and a few web programing languages. Although I've grasped a rough image of how web page parts work, but creating a web page is another thing. I'm struggling with what design and programing component to adopt, and how to organize elements of pages and their style. It's really a good opportunity to work out how to compose web pages with what I've learned in recent few years.

I'm preparing for my work for Abilympics, the vocational skill contest for disabled people. I have to make several web pages prior to the competition, and I'm struggling with implementing some features required for the web pages.

Thanks to a lot of sleep, air conditioner in the workplace, and a cold medicine, my cold has been cured in a day. Be careful not to chill my body again.

It looks like I've caught a cold. This is probably because I couldn't keep myself warm at my workplace. Today, I brought extra socks to keep myself warm. Fortunately, the heater was on today, so I didn't feel so cold. By the end of today I felt so sick that I was unsettled even after I had a seat the train home. Now I'm home, I need to go to sleep in an hour to go to work tomorrow feeling much better.

I visit many web sites and blogs. To view a website and to edit something on the computer at the same time, my browser window is usually narrow. I've noticed that many of those websites require wide window size or full screen. When I view one of these sites in the narrow window size in which I work comfortably, I usually see the side scroll bar which tells there are contents beyond the right boundary of the browser window. A site design which requires a wide window size looks inconvenient to me. I wondered why many websites adopt such a design, and searched for the web. The main reason is likely to the issue of the places for ads from which the sites get income. Usability and income. The balance of these seems to me that many web designer are thinking of.

To prepare for vocational skill competition named "Abylympics" 10 days ahead, I have to prepare sample web pages. It's not easy coping with tiredness from work, but I hope I'll be able to use period in the morning before breakfast and start for work.

Today when I had a bath I counted down numbers again. I was hoping that I wanted to pronounce at least one number like a professional like a news anchor or an actor. Counting numbers may be one of the easiest things, and most of language learners think that they are able to. However, doing this regularly is not an easy thing. This activity may be almost meaningless in order to improve your language proficiency, but at least this can be a suggestion that very entry level learners who have only small vocabulary. I continue this because I like doing things that is rather nonsense but I still find fun, and I believe that this is one of the best ways I'm likely to pronounce English vocabulary like a professional even though with really limited range of vocabulary.

Uneasy? Worried? Restless? Angry? Envious? Mixed feeling? I don't know what I feel today. Maybe all of them. It would be wonderful that some one care for me and I can talk to something about my feeling when I'm down. If not, still I'm OK. I don't take rash action, or decide my feeling without much thought. It's not so simple. I can still focus on have a rest.

 I've become a bit nervous and restless in two days.  I'd borne the stress from communication to teach how to be specific when our team member has to report something to the team manager.  When your boss tells you your mistake, you may want to show you understand what your boss has intended to tell by expressing in your own words, for example, telling a specific action you are to make to meet your boss's demand.  I myself, months or about a year ago, I was struggling with my poor report to my boss. I had been repeatedly told that my report be specific, brief for my boss to know what action he or she is to take.  I feel for the mental stress my colleague feels in the middle of stress, struggling with improvement of communications, especially reports being required.  I'm not sure what to do, what is priority to improve communication, encouraging her to think specific and brief from the most familiar and the smallest task, or should I first wait her ...

Since this summer, I've been counting numbers whenever I have a bath. Soon I also practice pronunciation and smile while counting. I've noticed that I smile many times as many as the numbers I count. I especially look smiling when I'm pronouncing "i" and "e". Therefore, for example, when I say 765 or "seven hundred and sixty five", I smile 5 times. Today I counted from 300 down to zero, 500 down to 300 and 800 down to 500, so I guess I smiled more than 2,000 times while I was counting all these numbers. This is a bit tough exercise and at last I feel a little bit weary in my lips and tongue, but this hard exercise surely will help me speak in a more pleasant way.

It's 630 meters from home to the nearest station. It takes about 10 minutes on foot, but usually I jog from home to the station in 5 minutes when I go to work because I'm usually in a hurry then. When I'm jogging, a meter for a step is a good pace, approximately 6'15 minutes, but with my business suits and business shoes on and with my bag, this pace is a little bit hard.

The weather report on TV said that winter begins tomorrow on calendar. Temperature in reality is getting lower and lower, so you want to be careful not to catch a cold, the announcer continued. I think that this time of the year, beginning of winter is the period I feel coldest. Of course, January and February temperature is much lower than November, but in the beginning of winter, my body hasn't fully adjusted to the cold weather. In January and February, I enjoy skiing so much that I perceive that the cold weather of this period is more bearable than the beginning of winter when skiing season is yet to begin.

The lack of sleep last night made me short-tempered. Having an enough sleep seems to be more important than I've thought for my mental health. I stayed up one hour later than usual hoping to sort out a problem of a study web program I made recently. I walked up at 5am and had a cup of coffee. It seemed to me OK because I didn't feel sleepy throughout this morning. I was wrong. I didn't feel sleepy, but I was much easier to be frustrated. I was sorry for my colleagues. Tiredness after an exercise may affect my temper. When I overwrought on the exercise, I'm likely to become short-tempered too. Managing my physical and mental tiredness is a key to manage my temper.

I'm building a small web program which add comments on a web page. When I was testing how the program run, there were unexpectedly many entry for comments. 2 to 5 insert requests were made by a single page request intended to insert one comment. I tried to sort this out, but I spent hours in vain. Finally, by comparing the source file which apparently run correctly, I've found out that empty references may be suspicious : like , or which is initially written in the html5 template I used. I'm not sure what mechanism is working, but I've realized that what and how many requests are to be made when a user make request a web page.

I'm filling in the form for year-end tax adjustment. I have to fill in information about the disability certificate and the premiums paid for life insurance. I also have to attach evidences of them. A copy of the disability certificate and the premium receipts.

Today I went to Kakuda city to run a road race. I run 10 kilometers in 53 minutes. I run a road race for the first time since I run a Sendai International Half Marathon one and half year ago. I registered for the same race last year too, but I couldn't participate because I caught a cold a week before. I used to run 10 kilometers in about 45 minutes when I was around 30 years old. At that time, I practiced much more than now, and I was younger. It's discouraging that I was only able to run much slower than when I was younger, but at the same time, I did well in that the pace at which at run didn't fall throughout the race, even though it was much slower than I had been able to about 10 years ago.

I've recently reading The Non-Designer's Web Book on my Kindle. This tells much about designing of business cards, newsletters, posters, pamphlets and web pages. I'm interested in The Non-Designer's Web book introduced in this book, because part of my job is making web pages. Unfortunately this web design book isn't available on Kindle. I'm also interested in The Non-Designer's Illustrator Book. Last year I bought Adobe Illustrator CS6, but I didn't use it so much, which is available as a Kindle version. It seem to have good reviews and good for a beginner to learn how to use the software. I'm hoping to make use of this graphic software with a helpful guidebook like this.

I feel a bit burnt out. I've learned what to say if I have to report something, but one of my co-workers is struggling with this communication skill. It's strange that I, with autism spectrum, helping someone with communication. I may have been learned that how to communicate, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I can be comfortable after lots of communication.

Months before I was siren right after I left my workplace home. Recently I was silent, struggling with finding what to say in my blogs. Both of these were because I was so overloaded.

Before I began to work, I thought that someone would solve my problems which prevent me from working and using my abilities. I've, however, noticed that work is to solve problems of other people. Considering this, what I did then was seeking someone else working for me instead of myself working for someone else.

Recently, and almost throughout since the beginning of this blog, I've mainly focused on troubles and stress from my characteristic related to autism spectrum. Now I'm thinking of changing the way of thinking. Using more positive words. Through the experience of working for my current job, I've learned this perspective. Stress and tiredness may be real, but still I believe that I can make the most out of them, because there are a lot of things to learn from them and from the cause of them, mainly from communications. For example I guess I tend to get more stress than average people. This however make myself more conscious of the load of communication of myself, my bosses and my colleagues, and made myself aware of the need of acquiring more effective communication skills not only to achieve higher performance, but also to reduce the stress in communications.

In elementary school I was a trouble maker. I didn't intend to make a trouble, but finally I ended up in being involved in trouble. This was one of my typical days. Probably the way of reaction and communication was really strange and terrible. I simply just wanted to have a chat like other kid did, but hardly anybody turned to me. I sometimes screamed to draw attention. I sometimes cried because the trouble I was get involved was so severe. But the worst thing I went through through was I was treated as if I hadn't been there. One day in classroom, no one responded when I asked for some information to get by. I even felt that I was invisible in the classroom. On the other hand, I also had memory of playing with friends. Playing video games, and playing soccer even though I couldn't play very well. There were a few times that I was addressed. The memory that I felt as if I had been invisible was so shocking that it had been all about the life when I was in...

Take time and effort to type syntax of a programming language? Or take time and effort to make simple macros to make an element from quite a simple words? Recently I'm raising this question because parentheses and brackets required for making most of programming code element are placed in relatively inconvenient places on your keyboard, and typing open and close many times causes fatigue. I thought that if  I make a simple macro to input a programming part, perhaps I may be able to reduce fatigue when I'm typing programming codes. Another problem is that thinking of, making, arranging, and organizing the macros will be another time and effort.

I plan to cut the cost of coffee I drink on weekdays by taking soluble coffee with me to work. I ordered a Thermos stainless bottle and a bottle of soluble coffee. I also bought small containers to carry portions of soluble coffee for a cup or two. I had thought of buying single-serve sticks, but finally at last I chose Mount Hagen instant coffee, because it had good reputation. The problem is whether I can continue boil hot water for the coffee for the day. I'm planning to carry hot water in the stainless bottle, a mug cup and coffee in the container.

I happened to dropped in on the entry "rebuke" on the dictionary installed in my Kindle, when I'm reading a book and looking up the entry "ragged" and then "rag". There I learned, that "to rebuke" has very strong meaning, showing disapproval severely and sharply. The entry had the difference among words to tell someone that they are doing something wrong. These words were "admonish", "reproach", "censure", "reprimand", "scold", and "rebuke". I learned that when I want kindly to tell that some actions are wrong or inappropriate, I may want to use "admonish", or "reproach". On the other hand, "scold" and "rebuke" show strong feeling like irritation or strong disapproval. I've never known these differences of nuances. When I learned these words for exams these words were treated like synonyms. In Japanese also, there are similar but dif...

I'm learning regular expression in a JavaScript book. As well as it's powerful on your internet browser, JavaScript, I've learned, is powerful in processing text strings. Especially I've realized the power of regular expression. With this, some of routine data entry at my workplace will be much easier. It's been hard to understand until I really realized the need to simplify our daily routine data entry, but once I realized what theory the routine is based on, it was rather easy to understand. The need in work help me understand concepts of programming ideas.

I first knew the word "item" in a computer video game. An item there was something that was useful and you could able to take advantage of it to make things in the game much easier. This usage has made me difficult to understand the word's original meaning, "an individual element". Sometimes I was so confused that the usage in games is specific in Japan, which wasn't true. I recalled that Wizardry had a command "use item", and many popular role-playing games in Japan were influenced by this game. An item as something you have in a game isn't much referred to in dictionaries, and some glossaries related to computer games refer to this usage. Thus this usage is probably specific to games.

At work, our staff members are recommended to find a good point or strong point of another member and communicate it. This is the thing I hadn't done before I work on the current job. When I was told I'm good at caring about my colleagues as well as I'm good at using a computer, I I found one of my aspect I hadn't been aware of, became a little bit more confident, and became mentally in better shape. There are vocabulary lists for general purpose, and I sometime see the lists for a particular purpose, most of them are related to a certain specialty. Now I may want a vocabulary list for find a good point of another person and tell them.

I often write a diary on my sketch book. Sometimes, it's good for a blog post, and sometimes not. Some of blog posts are from what I wrote on my sketch book. However, not all entries become my blog posts, even I intended to be on the blog. There are a few reasons for this. The first reason is it's too incomplete. I wanted to write about a particular subject, and for several reasons, for example I sidestepped topics too much, or I was tired of writing before concluding. The second reason is the entry may be inappropriate for made public for a blog. The third reason is, in spite I somehow concluded the entry and it's not too bad to be made public, I don't feel like to tell what I've written, partly because I'm shy, and partly because when I'm in front of my computer I want much less to tell audience what I've written than I've just wrote the entry.

I bought Sidas insoles for my business shoes on Saturday. This is the first day I wore my shoes with the insoles on. At first heels felt too high and narrow, and felt like unstable. By the time I was on the way back home, it turned out to be not so bad. They reduced the fatigue when I had to stand on the train. I'm glad that now I can stand and walk longer more comfortably.

Sunday morning it was clear. I turned my camera to the sky and took a picture of light blue all over. In the evening there were many clouds although it was still sunny.

I bought a pair of Sidas insoles (Walk Slim 3D) for my business shoes at a sport shop. As soon as I got it, I tried them in my jogging shoes I was on then, replacing the original insoles for the shoes. It was felt a little bit harder than original insoles, which was full of cushion for long time jogging, but it was really good flexibility for walking for a long time. After I was back home, I set them in one pair of my business shoes. I'm looking for using them when I go to work on weekdays.

I limp. I feel as if I listened to mosquito sounds and sirens inside my head. I walk anyway. I have to be watch for the traffic to keep myself safe. I'm glad I was able to ride a train at 5:50pm as usual. It was crowded but finally I arrived home. The weeks before I had been so tired that I gave up riding that train. I was so tired that I really wanted to have a seat even if I arrive home an hour later. Today I may want to be free from further worry about what to write. My priority will be write earlier, walk earlier, and sleep earlier.

I listen to podcast news. I tried to imitate how President of the U.S. Obama, other government officials, or correspondents of the news. It's too difficult for me to imitate while understanding what they speak. I've found that focusing on sounds they make and imitating them is much easier, forgetting about what they are talking about. I remember some of what they speak about as side effects.

In the morning 7.1km jogging. This is the first time in this year I jogged this course. I jogged this course frequently years before. I haven't jogged this course because I feared of becoming short temper in the day after I jogged a long distance or I pushed too hard. Continued jogging and better condition have enabled me to jog this course on a weekday morning again. In this evening I walked 1.6 kilometers. This was the same course I run yesterday. Walking constantly is really difficult. Today I walked constantly. I tend to either walking in a sluggish way or running for a while at a faster pace than I usually jog when I feel heavy or stressed. Temper control after an exercise has been my problem since I began to work.

I use Pale Moon as my main Internet browser. I use it because it's a Firefox-based browser and is optimized for Windows. The day before, the browser had a major update Version 25.0. After the update, a site I frequently visit, Yahoo! Japan, didn't fully displayed. The message on the site imply that I was using an unrecommended browser. The recommended browsers were up-to-date Internet Explore, Google Chrome, Firefox and Safari. I didn't want to change browsers in spite of the inconvenience on the Yahoo! Japan. I looked for a way in which tell the site that "this is a Firefox-based browser". After a few minutes' of search I found several information that "about:config" has related information, entries beginning with "general.useragent.override". Several entries followed domain names. These entries are likely to be set overriding rule of telling each site its browser (user agent). By default setting, the browser tells its own user...

English I speak and write is second priority. Then what is my first priority in learning English? This is acknowledging great spoken or written words. My lack of understanding prevents me from this. I'd like to strengthen my understandability of what is spoken or written roughly and in detail.

I'm an introvert. Although I don't hate having a conversation, I enjoy a conversation in very limited times with very limited range of people. In the past I envied people who easily communicate with a lot of people. This is the reason I began this blog with a name including "green-eyed". I've been come to terms with my introverted nature. I could push myself harder to speak more frequently with more people, but I imagine that if I did so, I would suffer so much stress that I would even struggle to walk and limp with mental tiredness. Some people may say it's a problem of with mind. I don't deny this. It's certainly a problem with my mind. At the same time, this is a reality, while they're implying as if the problem with my mind can be solved if I change the way of thinking. Changing a way of thinking may be my work, but it isn't so easy as they imply. The problem with my mind have to be dealt with self-care, and care and help from anoth...

I swam anyway. I felt so tired that I hadn't planned to swim, but for an exercise, I had thought that I had been walking to the pool. When I was walking to the pool, I felt slightly better and I though that I might be able to swim. When I arrived at the pool, I wore my swim wear and dip myself into the pool. I felt a little bit heavy, but I floated anyway. At first I swam only slowly. My body was still heavy, so heavy that I couldn't even fully stretch my body. After I swam 200 meters I felt I was fine enough to fully stretch my body. Even after I swam 500 meters, I didn't stop. I think I swam more than 200 meters and less than 500 meters since then. I walked home from the pool after I swam. Even if I felt heavy, going out for a walk often makes me feel better.

I met with members of the ski club I belong in. I haven't sorted out the feeling but it looked like the members who are really into skiing, aren't the right person to share the feeling that I've been struggling with stress to cope with daily things so much that I won't be any longer as active a skier as I had been years before. I like skiing, but I know I have to come to terms with the balance of my work, my mental health, and skiing activities and others. I'm struggling find a way to do this as comfortable as possible, and regretfully this will make go far away from the members' enthusiasm for skiing.

Hardly had I had a question why they can continue to speak so long a time. When I was counting down from a thousand while having a bath, I was thinking about news casters. With practices for a few months, I had been able to counting down smoothly, but sometimes my pronunciation became bad, or I had a sore throat, as a result, I couldn't pronounce some numbers clearly. Even in a simplest thing of counting numbers I couldn't pronounce sounds accurately. This has made me more aware of the skill of an announcer to say words accurately for a long time.

I've been feeling heavy since last morning. Yesterday, I jogged in the morning and in the evening, but I could jog at lower paces than usual. Maybe I've almost caught a cold. I need a rest keeping myself warm enough.

When I walk from the station home after work, I saw the Moon, with its bottom dark. At first, it was a cloud, but I recalled that it was a lunar eclipse. When I jogged after I had supper, I saw more than ten people outside watching the Moon. It was a clear night, but it was a little bit cold, and I may want to be careful not catching a cold.

Now I'm near 40 year's old. I've been rather negative because I've focused on the decline of my physical capability. I used to run 1 kilometer in less than 5 minutes. Now I can't run at this pace without becoming breathless, although I regained jogging habits. While my decline in physical abilities, I've almost forgotten about great progresses in mental stability. I didn't think when I became 30 years old that I could go to work regularly riding the same crowded train in the morning. Mental depression has also been improved greatly. Although even now I'm almost saying "I want to die" several times a month. In the past years I thought that way much more frequently. Also, recently there are some times I feel good in the morning. Since I was 25 years old, I had seldom felt good when I walk up. I had been almost always pessimistic, and become optimistic once in a while, and in recent years, the time I feel myself as optimistic more often than bef...

I often visit blogs by English learners in their middle age. The blogs I visit again have interesting posts about their daily learning. If a blogger shows their stories interesting, their blog is successful. Similarly, if you make your story sounds interesting in a conversation, the conversation is successful. Many people introduce themselves and say they like something they like. If they are able to show this interesting, their self-introduction will become much more impressive. This is a common problem in my speech and blog, and the blogger's English learning I guess from their posts.

I told in this blog in the beginning of this year that when I visited city developmental support center at the age of 30 it took 15 minutes to say my name with which my self introduction began. It was obvious that I had a problem with speech, but in another view I've noticed an interesting thing. I had hardly said my name properly since then, even though I had had a few time in which I introduced myself. If I remember carefully, I had a few times when I said my name. Regardless of the certainty my memory, at least one thing is certain. I had heard my first name called many times, more than a thousand of times by my family members, and I had usually heard my family names called by teachers or classmates. At school, I had heard my first name called less than a hundred times. It looked like that my surname is much easier to be called than my first name. Of course I knew my own name, but even myself was surprised when a friend of mine call me by my first name. Interestingly...

Today I visited a mental clinic for the first time in 3 weeks. On the way I thought to myself that one of the most things I had hard time with is finding a position to make a living, with assistance or independently if you can. In order to find a position it's very important to find the points you're good at and in which you may give other people give values. Although I have some strong points in thinking logically and doing tasks precisely, I had failed to perceive them as the points that I might be able to values to other people. As a result, I had believed that I had had no value to tell prospective employees, and couldn't speak anything when there was a job fair to meet them. In gatherings of young adults with developmental disorders, this kind of topic seem to be of lower priority because many of them, including myself when I had to begin to look for a job, want to discuss other things, understanding the characteristic of them, what they like and so on. Throu...

Today I road the usual train home. Last Friday I couldn't. I had been so stressed out. I became much better than last week.

The day before yesterday, when I had a bath, I counted from 32,768 to 32,868 one by one. I found it unexpectedly difficult in spite I only had to count one by one. Today, I had planned to count a little bit bigger number. When I was on the way home from work, I was thinking of the summation of 32,768 and 65,536 by adding each digit. Remembering carries without writing down on paper is a little bit difficult, but it was really a good brain training. They made 98,304. Then I came up with an idea. If I count down from this number, it may be feasible to reach 100,000 when I'm having a bath. The difference was about 2,000, so counting up by ten was actually realistic. I wasn't so confident with counting such a big number that I began to count from 98,304 a little while earlier than I actually had a bath. It was really difficult. Remembering ninety-eight thousand was so difficult that I mistook for ninety-thousand (90,000) for many times. I guess I also counted double near a h...

Thanks to your visits, I've continued to post at least one every day this year, and this article is the 400th posts for this year. I've set goal for this year that either I post at least an article every day or I post 500 articles this year. Although I've posted at least one article so far, the first requirement is hard to meet, because I'm going to be offline for a few days to go to a vocational skill contest for disabled people, in the last half of November. Therefore, it's very important for me to meet the second requirement, 500 posts a year. Anyway daily posts will enable me to meet this even if I know it may be impossible to post literally every day. There's 92 days left and I have 100 to post, so if I post a little bit more than once a day, I'll achieve this goal.

For October, I've set a goal that I take care of my business shoes at least once a week. Monday morning suddenly, I felt something was strange on my tip of my right shoe. Its sole had come apart. It's been a little bit more than a year since I bought this pair of shoes. It isn't the pair in which I inserted insoles of unused running shoes. It was felt a little bit hard at first time, but after I had wore for more than a half year, it fit me very well and its moderate hardness gave me the sense of reliability. I didn't think it would break this early. I thought if it can be repaired, and expected the time it may take for it to be repaired. If it had taken more than a weak and if I wouldn't buy new pair, I would have had to wear only the other pair for around a weak. It may be tough for me and the shoes which I was going to wear for next one week. I even thought buying new pair today anyway even if the shoe can be repaired. Fortunately there was a shoes repair...

My mental condition has recovered. I restarted counting numbers when bathing. I counted from 300 to 0 as usual. I was relieved that I was able to count smoothly. Next, I tried to count bigger numbers, more than ten thousand. Big number I can easily imagine is power-of-two numbers like 256, 65536, 1048576, and so on, for I've been familiar with the theories of computer. For starters, I counted from 32,768 to 32,868. Just counting 100 numbers, but it was really exhausting. First, it wasn't easy at all to always remember thirty-two. Many times I began with "thirty thousand, seven ...," and corrected to "thirty-two thousand, seven hundred and ...". And then remembering the rest of a number I was to count was also difficult. I guess I counted several numbers double or triple, because I had just forgotten counting a certain numbers and counted it again. This is just counting numbers, but it's really tough training of short-term memory retention.

A clear day in this season is the bluest and highest sky in the year. In a weather forecast yesterday, the forecaster explained why the sky of this season looks so high. I've forgotten the other reason if any, but one reason is clouds tend to be made up in the highest area of the troposphere. He explained and showed a figure how Earth's atmosphere is composed, Troposphere, Stratosphere, Mesosphere, and Thermosphere. He also explained that almost all weather phenomena happen in the troposphere. I personally thought that the sky of this season is bluest in the year, although I also like the sky of summer and winter. I also thought that it would have been better if the figure had had how high each layers are, because I was also interested in space flights and the figure of Earth's atmosphere is also related to space flights like the International Space Station and commercial space flight. Anyway, space flight is rather out of scope of a weather forecast, so I thank anywa...

I'm glad that I can tell you I've come home after the first work day of this week. On the train to work in the morning, I thought a lot about what I could do the best for my boss and my workplace in the middle of my condition in which I felt my brain shake sometimes for three consecutive days. I decided that I wouldn't do anything critical and do only the routine work with the best care. I also thought about what a professional is like. At that time, I was quite unsettled. The train was about to arrive at Sendai station. It looked like it would delay about 5 minutes. I heard an announcement of the apology for the delay. I saw the conductor because I happened to ride the last car of the train. I didn't find in him any sign of anxiety, in his appearance or his announcement. This may be nothing special for a staff member of a railroad company, and this may be what a professional should look like. In spite of great anxiety in the morning, by remembering this, I...

I said to myself that a sacrifice that please no one, I must refrain from it. I think of myself as a little to bit selfish when I hope I'll safely finish today's work and come home, when I have little energy to push hard. If I wreck myself, no one will be pleased, although I need to do my best to meet the demands from people.

My Japanese blog joins in blog communities called "Nihon Blog Mura", namely "Japan Blog Villages". I join in the community of developmental disabilities, personal computer, and middle-aged people learning English. Middle-aged English learning community (written in Japanese) was created just a year ago, and the community was so small that I was able to win the top blog of the community frequently, if I visit the community via my Japanese blog. (The visit by the blog owners is counted as one session and it's the legitimate point according to the rule of the community, so that visited by many visitors win more points and win higher lank.) I must admit that until recently, I've avoided visiting blogs of this community in order to maintain my rank, even if they have interesting posts. Now this community has become a little bit larger, and I realized that maintaining a high lank only by my own visit is becoming impossible. It's time to admit that my blog ...

After I came to Sendai in 2005, I spoke in public a few times as a speaker with an autistic disorder. These opportunities were supported by city developmental disability support center. I made minimum preparation, but most of the preparations were by city staff. They arranged what I said and what best describes my thought according to the remark of the past meeting in the support center. They also made me presentation for me of the summary of what I was to speak when my turn came. It was a good experience to speak what I think myself as a young adult with an autistic disorder. At the same time, I haven't shown that I can be an independent adult even if I have an autistic disorder. Having shown that I can state my view is a good thing, what I think about myself, my life so far, experiences with people around me, and hope for society. However, If I could show public that I were more independent, certainly I could give more hope of adults with developmental disorders to be more ...

Today in the morning I avoided going out and stayed home. In the afternoon I went to a public indoor pool and swam 2.2 kilometers. I also jogged 2.7km home from the pool. These exercises released me from my stiffness I felt the last half of weekdays especially when walking. Especially when swimming I felt more free because I didn't need to maintain myself stand upright. I need to find way to breath constantly, but it's no problem because I've learned by myself that the way to relax my body in the water and more easily to put up from the surface of water.

I'm scanning notebooks I used in 2005. The year 2005 was a hard time for me. I had to look for a job, but I was mentally impaired so much that I couldn't say my name at first. I had no choice to move to Sendai, where my parents live in. Although they have live in there, it's not a place I was grown up. They had moved in there several years earlier. There wasn't anyone to understand me with an autistic spectrum disorder in the church I go to in Sendai. In this year I almost spent time in the church jumping up and down, and spinning around the hall of the church, and talked with few people. I could neither say a lot of things which I could have in the church I had went to in Sapporo. Also in Sapporo, I had had spent long time to break ice and talking about myself and sharing my thoughts and faith. All I could was relate to the kids who come to the church. The level of vocabulary I spoke in the church in Sendai in the first year was I guess as low as 5-year-old....

This week I was scolded in my workplace a few times. Since I was in elementary school I often panicked after I was scolded. My panic was big sometimes and so small that it was invisible sometimes. Sometimes I fell on the ground a few seconds later, and sometimes I scream when no one was around many years later. My weird reactions after I was scolded often made me a troublemaker. Recently, I've realized an important fact. Being scolded cause me pain, and then cause me strange reaction, even if I understand in my head that I was wrong and I know in my mind what I shall do next. Because being scolded is intangible, I thought the pain was also intangible and therefore the pain was "mental", but as for me, in many occasions I also feel physical pain, often in muscles of my limbs and back, and sometimes in my stomach. Most people look like strong enough not to show their pain, and I'm not, but trying to imagine other people's pain from words may be important...

I've just had a bath. I didn't count numbers. I didn't even fully bathe. All I did was dip my legs into the bathtub and then washed my body. I was a little bit worried about my heart after the shock on the way back home. Now I'm trying to say a few numbers, but all I say are some weak voices like a mosquito.

Now I'm about to have a bath, but I'm not in a condition to count numbers (but still writing something). I'm so depressed because I was scolded for a small mistake in the workplace that it took three times longer for me to go home from work. I swallowed many words, and I stumbled many times. Sometimes I felt as if I had had a heart attack. I felt my whole body sore many times. I listened to the sounds of siren and bells from inside of my ears, not from outside. I definitely need full rest in this weekend if I really want to continue to work and continue to improve myself.

I missed the monthly meeting at the city developmental assistance center, because I was too exhausted. I had finished the monthly meeting at work earlier today, and I was relieved that it ended without much trouble. I was able to speak what I needed to speak. Later, I felt my whole body become stiff. I could walk only slowly. I said to myself "MP run out", the message when I played Dragon Quest and the magic power of player character had run out. In this game you can use physical attack without running out, but magical attack and magics of other effects, recovery and reinforcement require finite magic power. When you explore long, I would be concerned about the stock of magic power. To many "standard" people, communicating with other people seems to be infinite. They seems to speak to other people without running out of energy. On the other hand, when I speak to other people, I sometime stumble and I sometimes speak well and even enjoy for a while. Then howev...

I go on enjoying counting numbers in a bath. I find a few things while counting and when I see myself counting aloud after taking a video (in front of my laptop.) The other days counting numbers aloud is a good fluency and pronunciation training. Today I realized that it's also a good retention training. For the retention training purpose, counting numbers one by one around many thousands would be a good exercise. When I learned listening English, retention is important, and I heard that many interpreters do retention trainings. Retention training is remembering what you've just heard for a while to understand the whole sentence or the phrase in the context. So far I have adopted a few retention trainings. Sometimes I tried shadowing. It looked like to work pretty well, but only as long as spoken English is easy. Sometimes I tried dictation. To be honest, it was so difficult that I gave up after a short while. It took as long as 10 minutes for me to transcribe a 1-minu...

Today is a national holiday, the Autumnal Equinox Day. I went to Akiu Hot Spring with church members. I had a lunch with them, and took a bath in the hot spring. Before lunch we had a mini game. This was a problem. At first church members introduced themselves. Then I realized that I couldn't say my name at all. Of course I know my name, but I can't say at all. Finally I asked for a help to introduce me. I gave up joining in the mini game. I thought I had overcome my difficulty in self-introduction, because I had made a lot of effort to introduce myself at work, and I had succeeded in introducing in myself in front of guests many times. It may be certain that I've made a lot of effort to say my name and the name I'm going to address, but from this experience, saying my name may well continue to be a problem with me, for if every time I make a great effort to say this, for this is often required at work, but I'll be hardly likely to say my name ...

In a programming practice making a blog program, I post several pieces of writing daily. This reminds me of what blog was to me originally. I post things I think too trivial to publish on the internet, like what happened when I was working on programming, and what I felt then, and what the function will be required if I want to upload the internet. From the point of a reader of blogs, I may want to post articles to give information which is useful to at least a certain number of people. This is good for my goal if I want to make a success at work. On the other hand, I miss the place I can freely post what I'm in mind, sometimes too trivial, too many grammatical mistakes, or a little bit negative and depressive. Because my practice blog under construction is offline, I can freely post these things. This has given me some cathartic experience, and reminded me of what a blog meant to me. By writing, I had a chance to review my feeling, and also, it helped me remembering events...

The jogging shoes I ordered Sunday (asics GT-1000 SW) was cancelled. According to the store, it wasn't available. I thought that it was too cheap. It was half of regular price even including shipping costs. It's fine as long as I can get refund. The shoes I ordered last week have arrived. Asics GT-2000 SW New York. I jogged several kilometers and it's proven that the pair is just for me. It will make me continue to like jogging, even though I can't run as fast as I was in my 20s. It was good deal enough, with a discount of 5000 yen, although it's an old model.