Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

It might take forever for me to understand the way people communicate, me who wonder why iPhone has to be a phone. I understand people want to take everywhere something that can connect to the Internet, but I haven't understood yet why the handheld device has to have a function for its user to talk someone else. I sometimes enjoy conversation, but when I'm alone, I have a lot of things other than talking to other people. Releasing stress in a lonely place, saying, crying, screaming some senseless things which make them think I've gone crazy (and I actually am some sort of), indulging myself into imagination or fantasy based on video games, automobile catalogs, data books of trains, and so on. Inability to understand the need to communicate as much as possible to have fun of do effective work may have made me hard to understand the need and convenience of a mobile phone, making call everywhere. I happened to see on a portal site a news telling that it's been 7 ye...

With this post, I've written something on this blog every day for half a year. Sometimes I feel as if thinking of a blog post were my duty, and I wrote half-minded posts probably tens of times. I'm afraid that even this post might be another half-mind posts. Even though many of my blog posts were half-minded, the fact that I posted this blog every day for a half year means I've achieved the half of the new year's resolution for this year. This is thanks to readers, and mental supports and encouragements from church members at my church, running a English conversation class, and this is also thanks to my obsession with doing something with English I happened to learn continuously, for at first the rehabilitation from dropout and "Hikikomori", withdrawn to home for a long period by having something good at compared from average students in my university. Although I haven't referred to much so far, it's time to tell the story of why I don't gi...

When I went to job training and mainly engaged in data entry work, my concern was enhancing my strong points. I was interested a lot in computer, and I sought opportunities to learn and practice more a little bit beyond data entry and operation of an office suite software. I'm especially interested in making something on a PC, and I thought the only choice was through programming. Meanwhile, among our data entry team, improving data entry quality is an important agenda. Practice makes perfect, but the problem was, there wasn't any offline practice environment. There was only written and online static documents of entry rules and a few examples, though. (These was very useful themselves and the management had really effective method to feedback operators, though) Besides, there wasn't much data enough to give operators work fully, and there was a lot of idle time. These were the reason why I tried to make a data entry simulator. I chose the platform an internet browse...

I slept almost all daytime except for the Sunday service. I felt I could sleep until evening after I had breakfast. I woke up at 10 a.m. and went to church anyway. Surprisingly, in spite I had limped to church with leaning on my umbrella as a stick, I could stand the sound of worship songs I usually felt too loud to stand, and sang in tune, and was able to follow of the speed people say the Lord's Prayer. Today, I learned the attitude of prayer from Matthew 6:5~. I looked back on myself if my prayer was something to show people, especially people praying together. I learned that a prayer is 1 to 1 session between God and me, and hospitality to God. At work, I often have an opportunity to learn about customer satisfaction hospitality. Listening to today's message in the context I want to learn more about hospitality, even if it's not at all what I've been good at with my extremely limited interest. I also learned that I want to mean it when I say a prayer...

When I felt good, I tell daily things interestingly, even small things like colors of rose flowers in the rainy season, or troubles with hairy caterpillars all over the passage to the church. While I have adjust myself to stand work on weekdays, I've lost the aspiration to tall daily trivial discoveries, which look to me vivid in color and other details and invoke the desire to tell these discoveries as much as possible. Even now a few times a day, I feel such kind of discoveries, but it looks like that when I sit in front of my PC, the impressions I had felt in the morning felt blow away or deep into the closet of my mend, for example when I got out of the train to work and looked down on the platform, for metallic shine of the rails, signs, signals, and underfloor devices and bogie trucks. Now on weekend my eyes and body and mind are first requiring rest. I feel as if I could sleep I could sleep most of the day and still can and need to have a regular sleep at night. Real ...

Rainy season has come back again. In the beginning of June, we had heavy rain for 3 consecutive days, but we hadn't have much rain since then although it was often sticky. Today, when I went out for lunch, it rained a little. My umbrella was useless because it was windy too. I had planned to go to pool later in the afternoon, but I canceled it because the rain and wind become even stronger. According to the long-range weather forecast, we may be going to have a lot of rain in July, although temperature will be like average year, changed from the previous long-range forecast which says temperature may be going to be lower than average year affected by El Nino.

I haven't have a mobile phone, let alone a smartphone. Most people, especially people I see at work and in an activity with young adults with same disability. Besides, when I ride a train, most of young people are viewing something with their smartphone, (or sometimes their feature phone). The other day, I had an opportunity to make a 1-minute free speech, and I chose the theme, calling anxious about waves. When I thought of this speech, I felt myself as if I had a mobile phone and talking on the phone where microwave is not strong enough. In terms of mobile, it was true, and in terms of making a call, it was also true, but it wasn't on mobile phone. So what is it? In my Kindle (an e-book reader), Skype had already been installed, and I bought a Skype credit to make a phone call to a telephone, mainly telephoning my house. There is a free wi-fi spot near the station, so I thought I could make a call. I couldn't make a call at all. Finally, I used a public phone as I ...

I've made some artworks with for websites Microsoft Office, on an office laptop with limited graphic tools. Its auto-shape functions are unexpectedly useful and with a well-thought combination, we can obtain unexpectedly rich expression. I prefer Excel because it can place auto-shapes the most freely. I learned the ABC of drawing Bezier curves through Excel. To meet various needs of artworks, I've found out that it's important to be familiar with well-known graphic tools such as Adobe Illustrator. I bought this last fall. It cost as much as my new PC, but when I buy it I was looking forward to the new possibility to enrich my computer skills. Since I bought Illustrator, I continued to use Excel to create some artworks. Illustrator had a lot of functions to modify your artwork, but without knowledge, I couldn't even draw a simple shape. In fact the first month after I bought it, I only used the function to automatically trace a photo. Considering my investment on t...

[Old Title] Maitta Blog English Version -Just one more step ahead.- [New Title] Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions - Small but never ceasing confusions and growths I bring about and I feel daily. I began this blog as Green Eyed Clunker 5 years ago. I chose the title the because, firstly I liked (and like) vehicles like automobiles and trains, and secondly I was struggling with dysfunctions in my daily life, especially affected my communications and my job hunting. Thirdly, I envied people who look like having fun, meanwhile I was stubbornly in my lonely shell. Since I began, I had wrote posts once in a while, but I didn't really think of who were the readers like. I was even scared of my post being read in a first few months after I began. After I got used to communications in my Japanese blog, I decided to grow out of being a clunker, and change this blog title drawing the name from my Japanese blog. Since I changed the name of the blog " Maitta Blog Engl...

A monthly meeting for adults in the autism spectrum in my city is planned for this evening. Basically I want to attend the meetings of this kind, but I'm going to miss this time for health reason. My health isn't really bad, but in the end of each month, my stress level tends to go up, and this makes me prefer rest as long as possible rather than meet with people outside work even I recognize them as comrades, who have suffered a lot of distress in their human relationships. There is another problem. The things I want to advocate are on the way of changing through the experience of my current job, especially as to building skills of communication and information technologies, as well as to asking for understanding of difference in their preference, in what they are likely interested in or in the way of communication : if they need to change how they want to be communicated.

I registered the clinic and drugstore in the city branch office to get subsidy for the care, taking a half-day off this morning. In registration I asked the city staff if I could register a drugstore opening for the beginning of July. It turned out to be OK although it may take extra a few week to validate. The certificate will arrive in a month or two. Until then when I want to visit the clinic, I have to bring the copy of the application form received today. Now I'm preparing for the work for the afternoon.

After I bathe I took a walk to a bridge nearby to watch fireflies. I couldn't see them at the place I saw last week, but when I was returning, I saw ones around the channels and rice paddies down the bank outside the roadside. The change in the place they appeared was probably because of humidity. The temperature was much the same as I saw ones last week, but I felt it drier than I had felt last week. Also this evening the sky was a little bit rite with full of stars, while last week the sky was covered with clouds. In this way I saw fireflies the second time this year. "Firebug" is also the second time. It's a Firefox extension which provide us with rich debugging environment on the web browser. On my old PC I installed it and used it several times. The function to inspect an element was very useful to me. (At work, I used the console on Google Chrome, which I think is also powerful.) Through the guidance of the introduction in the book Javascript: The D...

This morning I bought a kindle book on JavaScript with an illustration of a rhino. Its title is JavaScript: The Definitive Guide (O'Reilly), but the rhino on the cover  was so impressive that it gives the whole impression of the book. According to reviews, it's quite a good book if you want to build fundamental knowledge of JavaScript. With a beginner's text, I have had several questions about objects, functions and their arguments, and events. I'm looking forward to finding some answers of them by reading through the book. The amount of this book may be great, but I'm sure that my curiosity will help me read through this book.

I'm preparing for a technical competition for people with disability. I plan to participate in web page building division. There is only a few weeks left for the competition, but I'll do the best for this limited period. I've made up my mind to type a few line of basic templates for web pages, and more.

In the beginning of this week I found there were so many anxiety factors that I was worried that the lingering pain all over my body would get worse. As days pass, some of these factors have been solved, past or disappeared one by one, and I've been much relieved of stress. I hope the pain will wear off some time in this week.

I'm being overwhelmed by tasks to do this week. I hope I can stay calm and it won't have major mental impact.

The clinic I visit for mental care has been in-house prescription. From the next month, I will have to take the prescription to a pharmacy to buy the drug. I have to register a pharmacy to get a subsidy for mental care, but the problem is that the pharmacy the nearest the clinic will only be open after I have to renew the registration. This frustrate much, but anyway I have to find a way not to miss the drug I've been dispensed.

It's already been only one year left for my 30s. Over this period, I experienced many changes in my condition, many levels between physical to mental. As you may imagine for a typical men in his 30s, my pure physical strength has been lowered, which I hate to admit but I have to do. In some levels I've lost a little just as my pure physical strength has been as I mentioned now, in some levels, I've lost much, and on the other hand there are levels I've gained a little and even there are a few I've gained greatly. To describe this, I'll list up some description which reflects the change in my condition over my 30s. Pure physical strength was on the decline. Now I can't imagine myself running a half marathon with the time around 1h40m (100 minutes), which I achieved around the age of 30. With being conscious of the core of the body, I feel I can run and throw with less effort than when I was 20. Till I became 30, my form of throwing, running, and s...

This evening I looked at myself in a mirror. My eyes are red. As my job requires, I have a lot to do in front of my PC. To minimize the time to look at screen at the PC, I need to plan my work before I work on things in front of my PC. (It may be because I swam a lot in a pool today. I need to take care of myself anyway.)

This morning, I modified my blog template with elementary CSS knowledge I use in my current job. I used as the background my favorite photo of plants I took in the past, and adjusted colors and opacity of blog parts. Modifying the design either a web page and a blog is fun, but after the modification, I feel much tired especially in the eyes. Now that it's a a weekend I'm off duty, I think to myself, be careful not to work on design too long.

It's Friday. This week I was always thinking that I may be burnt out some time in this week. Every day I felt somewhere in my body was sore. Besides stiff muscles which made me hard to take any exercise, tips of my fingers, palms, soles were what I felt sore some time this week. I didn't even thought that I would spend a pastime playing my favorite games. I'm not really sure if I have been really burnt out. All I know is that I'm home and I'm writing this article.

I guess you can easily regard a blog as an output tool, but a blog is useful also as an input tool. I've felt this through interaction in my Japanese blog. I post daily records several times a week. These records are events I encounter daily and sometimes views of these events. My views, along with my interests, reflects my circumstances I'm in. Since I began my blogs, my interests have been life as an adult on the autism spectrum, learning English and other foreign languages as a person with extreme shyness and very odd interests, and Christianity viewed from mentally distressed with my autistic characteristics. I register blog communities corresponding to these interests, views other blogs with close interests to mine, and once in a while interact with some of the writers. Like my blogs, most of blogs are just a diary, but still, they are encouraging and also informative to me in that I can see they are at least as fine as to write a blog, and bearing daily struggl...

Before I wrote the article of a computer game Wizardry and learning English, there were already 499 posts in this blog. I thought the article was my 500th posts. After finishing the post, the count of post was still 499. The title of memorial 500 posts slipped away from that long story of my memory of game plays. I wondered why. After a little bit of thought, I recalled that I had deleted an empty post. This is because the number was still 499 after I posted the previous article. This is the real 500th post (including drafts in my dashboard), as long as I don't delete another empty article or a draft I decide to discard. I wonder again what is the real 500th post which is published.

The first time I learned English was when I was 12 years old, first year of junior high school. It's already more than 25 years since then. I did quite well at classes, but around that time, the best opportunity I was interested in learning English was from a computer game. I played computer a series of games named Wizardry on Nintendo Family Computer. You can choose language from either English or Japanese. At first I chose Japanese, but before long I chose English. There are many words which I didn't learn at school. Every time I encountered these words I looked up a dictionary. The words I remember I learned from this game was, encounter, immediately, completely, flee, resist , and so on. In the first years since I began, I pushed the reset button whenever I got a bad result such as when a character was killed or drained levels. (The platform Famicom allowed such a playing style) I was into endless level up of characters and hunting for strong and rare items. Wit...

I'm thinking of few agendas recently. There are some of them following. reconsidering who to listen to frequently conscious of quantities and efficiency since the great earth quake in 2011.3 stances to work may make a great difference, but I think they are highly dependent on their potential intellectual ability. How to fill this intellectual gap?

Sendai Station, where I get off every day to go to work, is under construction. A new subway line will be open for the next year, and commercial complex is also planned. The passage from the east to the west of the station will be expanded and I hear that new gate will be open when new passage is open. Every morning, when I arrive at the station, I see the construction site of the east of the station. Today, I saw a huge crane. It had a label saying its maximum load is 300 tons. 300 tons, not 300 kilograms. I have thought that 300 kilograms is heavy enough. At least I can't lift this much. At fast I could hardly imagine how heavy 300 tons is. Later I imagined that the crane can lift about 200 taxis (about 1.5 tons for each one) at the same time, then I imagined that it can also lift the whole train I had just rode. It was 6-cars and about 40 tons for each car. I haven't imagined what big machines support the construction, which require columns, pillars, frames,...

Fireflies!  I saw this evening!! It was 7:30 pm and not really dark this season of the year, even though in a cloudy day. After I came home and had supper, I was tired, with lingering tiredness since last week, so I was able to walk only slowly. When I came to the bridge, all light I saw was from either street lamps or cars. I climbed down the slope past the bridge to the stream flowing into the river. There were two lights blinking in the bushes of maple trees. I've known that fireflies appears in our area from late in June to early in July for a couple of years, but I haven't known they appear this early. It was a cloudy and dump day and evening. Later I come home and check the thermometer. It was 22 degree Celsius. I expect that we'll able to see fireflies a few days later at night even from the bridge, more than 10 meters up the river.

I took a walk after I had supper. It's mid of June. Last year I saw ones at a hot night of the end of June. I had thought that I could see fireflies. I went to the bridge down which I saw last year, but I couldn't. Probably it wasn't hot enough. Instead heard a chorus of frogs when I walked by rice paddies. I'll take walk again at another hot and sticky evening to the bridge, and I hope I will be able to see the next chance.

Now I know I write something every day, but when I entered elementary school I couldn't. A few month later, there were writing classes in my Japanese classes. The girl next to me did so well that she requested one and after sheets. I remember she wrote 4 or 5 sheets in the first writing class. As for me all I could wrote was three letters that stands for "I". The first term I could only do this way. As long as I remember, it wasn't spring vacation, the last of the school year, that I succeeded to write something in my own will, although I couldn't remember it was a diary or a reader's review. From the first of elementary school I did well in tests, especially in math. But looking back on then carefully, I doubt I really understand language at that time. Then, how did I do well in tests? I guess typical tests were, and are fill-the-blank questions, and I could see what should be in the blank regardless of if I really understood language written on ...

I remember the first day of job rehabilitation 8 years ago. The first task I was given was assembling ball-point pens. At first I didn't know what to do. I was so panicked that I couldn't even say my name. In the first half hours the only thing I could do was crying, sitting on the floor. Other 5 participants seemed to know at least what to do. An hour passed and they finish their task one after another. It wasn't until then I took up the parts, screwing the shaft into the tail screw cap, put the ink refill into the capped shaft, then putting the front screw cap into them, and finally put the cap over the tip of the pen. I was stuck as long as it took other participants to finish assembling all parts of pens, and it took me no longer time than them once I succeeded to began. I continued assembling pens in the first week, and by the end of week, I became as fast as any other participants. After we assembled all boxes of parts, we disassembled them until there was ...

Father's day? All I could do was draw pictures like teddy bears during the worship message. In the beginning of the worship service we say the Lord's Prayer. Today I heard anyone else saying so fast that I could only say the first half by the time the rest of us ended saying. Today, my behavior was too slow to follow the pace of anyone else, and to have fun. It may be the best I could do, but I felt a little bit, to be honest, more than a little bit sad, because I wished I could be more active and have more fun to keeping up with the pace other people do their activities in a worship service. Now I know having a rest is the priority, and if I missed the priority, I would fall into the despair that I'm of no worth or have no joy to live a life. After I came home, I slept more than 2 hours in the afternoon, and in the evening, I heard my father's story who has just returned from mountain climbing. When I saw the photo taken today, I remembered I had been t...

On Sundays I go to church. Sometimes I'm troubled with my broken volume control. As you may often imagine with autism, there is a problem of the volume out . It's really hard for me to stop and sit still. To cope with my internal urge to move or utter words suddenly, I often draw pictures on my sketchbook. Interestingly, the more serious the internal urge to burst, the better the picture appearing on sheets of the sketch book. Even with this behavioral replacement, I sometime sore muscles after that. There is also the problem of the volume in . Although I kind of like singing worship and praise songs, I can hardly stand when they are sung in a chapel. I feel the volume I hear is too loud for me to stand calm. My perception force me to sing praising song outside . It sometimes affect the sense that I'm a member of the church. It's taken a long time that I'm accepted and a part of the church though careful conversations from the pastor and other church memb...

After the hike of consumption tax, the regular prices of typical soft drinks has been raised to 130 yen from 120 yen. Vending machines in public places sells soft drinks in regular prices. This has made me never buying soft drinks in such places.  Instead, I often buy soft drinks in discount vending machines. These discount vending machines are likely to found on a roadside, in front of some discount stores, and inside some office buildings. Before the tax hike there were a lot of discount vending machines which sales a typical soft drink for 100 yen, but after the tax hike, many of them raised the price to 110 yen, and there are still a few which retain the price as low as 100 yen. There are even vending machines with drinks priced 80-yen, but the drink sold in such a low price is very limited, and typical drinks are either 100 or 110 yen.  I tried one of the 80-yen drinks. It wasn't so bad. It's even nice if you are really want to choose it. One mistake I...

I slept well in the night, and in this afternoon also. I still feel a little bit weary, but mild soreness in my eyes and muscles all over my body has much worn off. Now I can see the screen of my PC, and felt like writing a few words here.

Even though my eyes are red, my whole body is sore, and I feel too dizzy to walk straight, it's not so serious a mental condition. One reason for this is this time I don't really find inside myself like inside my head wailing I felt many months ago, when I perceived myself as nearly a critical condition even next to be hospitalized. Three month ago, I always feeling strange internal feeling like continuous wailing of siren in my head and when nobody hears, I couldn't help crying like a siren when no one heard. It may be because I'm too tired to wail that this time I don't feel such a feeling, and anyway it's true that I need adequate rest for this weekend, and not push myself too far, too fast after Monday when I'm back to work.

Although I've been tired much in this week, I'm little worried. I'm too busy with real work to be worried. What Dale Carnegie said in his book is true. It was 10 month ago that I was reading the book "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living", and I did find what's on it was quite enlightening, it's the first time I felt this way from the heart by experience.

My eyes are sore after I made illustrations for web pages at work. My muscles all over my body have been sore since the last half of this week. I saw myself in a mirror several times. My eyes looked red and a little bit aged than last week. Although I managed to walk to my destination every time every day, I could hardly walk straight. I heard the slamming and thudding sounds of my shoes when I walked. I was safe because I managed to see traffic lights, cars passing by and other pedestrians. Every time I walked I dreamed of lying on a bed or a sofa. When I'm in front of my computer at work, I forgot about my tiredness, but once I was free to rest it was the time to dreaming of lying on a bed. Coffee worked a little bit to make me positive to work, but worked little to the lack of the feeling of balance. Anyway I'm relieved that I'm released from my duty for a while and allowed to go to bed for this weekend. Now I have to plan carefully how to spend this weekend t...

A few days later I had had a strange dream of the climbing down race in a 65-story skyscraper, I had another strange dream. It was about a book with strange title. Just now I saw a book titled "An Introduction to Body Parts Tired Most" on my bookshelf. I felt a little bit strange and even a little bit scared. When I turned my eyes to the book to take it, I was awaken. I turned a room light on and look around my room. There wasn't no such book. There wasn't even a bookshelf that book was on. I'm thinking to myself, I'm so tired that several parts of my body are sore. My eyes, hip are, and I feel my whole body heavier and much less power left than usual. The book I saw in the dream was an embodiment of my tiredness these days.  I have seen a book or books with strange title for several time. Also, I often see a dream with a place or a station with a strange name when I'm really tired. Mere a strange name which I believe is nonexistent someti...

When I get off the train to work sometimes I don't walk to exit immediately. Sometimes I feel a sense of healing just watching another trains. Let alone car bodies, wheels and underfloor devices of traines, there are even times I find healing just seeing rails, signals, signs, and poles. Five years ago, I worked for another office than I do now, but every day I got off the same station. When the train to work arrived, I saw another train through the window. It was a rapid train named Minamisanriku bound for Kesen-numa, coastal area to the north east from Sendai, seriously damaged in the tsunami 3 years ago, and the railroad hasn't recovered yet. At that time I imagined a day-trip on the train to the seaside area, and I hoped to ride sometimes after I worked hard and had enough money and a day off. That plan wasn't fulfilled when I was on that job, but after I was dismissed from a job training three years after work, I took the rapid train and went to Kesen-numa...

It isn't until I'm in it that I realize that an information technology job is a job of communication. It takes a lot of communication to do this job well, and I do this well only in a limited range. Real information technology jobs I guess takes thousands times of communication I manage to do now. In this respect, with a problem of autistic spectrum often associated with a problem of communication, I may not have it in me for a job of this kind, but anyway I kind of like the aspect of the job which takes a lot of communications, even though I much struggle with them.

The platform is so crowded that I'm likely to irritated, because I'm in a hurry. The stairs from the platform to the passage to the gate are so crowded with passengers who've just got out of train that people who're going onto the platform to ride a train are likely to be frustrated. I'm likely to be frustrated to see people get into the platforms through the gate I plan to pass through to exit. I'm likely to be frustrated on a escalator because people in front of me are often couple or lovers who looks so intimate. I try to yield a seat to an elderly person, but I can't speak very well. I stand up my seat but no one understand my intention and at last I get back to my seat. I'm sometimes so tired that everyone overtake me and there are few people around me by the time I arrive at the gate, although when I got out I was in the middle of a crowd. There are many more things that I'm likely to experience at a station every day, but today I named...

Recently I've been thinking that I've become not so active as I expected to tell about developmental disorders when I got a job and obtained the skill to tell things effectively. I did get a job and am obtaining basic skills to communicate what I want to tell, mostly at work. I've become active as a worker and this even has made me think that I'm more active than I was before I found a job. Meanwhile, I've become more and more inactive in speaking things from the viewpoint of an adult something different from someone else I see in my daily life. When I began this blog 5 years ago, I thought I had a lot that I wanted tell to the people, especially to those who were going to work together, although what I want to tell wasn't set as concrete speeches. I hope that I'll speak about how I'm different and what interaction would have been helpful to grow and learn to become helpful in the way unique to me. Now I focus on obtain the skill to communicate ...

Today the rain took a break. I saw the roads dry for the first time since last Thursday. When I crossed the river nearby on the train back home, the amount of water has much increased, and I saw the surface of the water was misty with the splash of the water flowing violently. Even though the rain wasn't so big to be called a flood, crossing over a river after a great rain gives me much pressure. I even have a nightmare of a flood after a heavy rain, and when I wake up with cold sweats, I know it's just a dream.

Move to the Modern UI with the Windows key, type first a few letters of the files you are looking for and you'll see shortly the search results and can access relatively quickly. This is what I noticed this morning after I bought my new PC 8 months ago. When I used my old PC with Windows XP I mainly used the keyboard to access file quickly. I'm looking for the equivalent to access files quickly with the keyboard also on my new PC with Windows 8.1, and this morning found this way. There are many things left to customize to my PC more usable enabling to work more. I'll do this step by step.

Monday is the beginning of weekdays and the first day to go to work. When I overloaded myself the week before, sometimes I feel tired and on the way of recovery even until Monday morning. Coping with this carried-over tiredness, I set Monday as a day of warming-up on which I work slower than usual and still working and recovering from the tiredness at the same time. When I carry over recovery from my tiredness from the week before, I sometimes feel that it isn't until I'm home Monday evening after finishing my work that the weekend, last weekend really ends.

The first rain of this rainy season has lasted for three years. There is no sign to stop. Temperature is a bit less than 20 degree Celsius, but I feel even a little bit cold. Just a week ago even inside my house was as hot as 31.5 degree Celsius, and 34 degree outside. After a long lasting rain the amount and the level of water of river has increased. I heard a siren wailing when I was swimming yesterday. It was to inform that the dam was discharging water upstream of the river near the pool. The siren was so near that it was as if it were inside the pool building, and the siren were informing some other disaster like a fire or an earthquake. I wonder how many more days the rain will last. This is the beginning of the rainy season this year around my area.

Anxiety turned into need for a space. I was worried Monday morning coming every Sunday evening. I was too tired to think anything more than daily things on weekdays. Yesterday I visited my doctor for mental advice. I said to my doctor that in I overloaded myself the last half of last week, and was still tired that day on Saturday. My doctor said that it was important to have a space for a while and think nothing.

This morning before I awoke I had a dream where I was on a time attack of climbing down the stares of a 65-story skyscraper named "Tokyo Sky something". It sound like the existing Tokyo Sky Tree, a 634-meter tower opened last year, but in the dream the building was quite different. It was like a huge department store, and the stairs was visible from the floor area. As you may see in a strange dream, there ware more strange things. When I was climbing down stairs, escalators paralleled with them, and I could choose either stairs or an escalator to climb down one floor. When I took a escalator, it sometimes had strange gimmicks like curves on the escalator or rubber slope instead of steps. Coping with such traps, I managed to climb down to floor 20 from 65. This floor was a great atrium and had passages to the station of the subway. I haven't noticed how strange it was to have an exit for a subway on the floor 20.

The other Sunday I was so restless that I devoured my sketchbook. After I drew several sheets, I found out myself imagining "R31 STAGEA". The R31 Skyline (Nissan) is the 1985-1989 model. I didn't like very much when the model was on sale. Its boxy style looked out of date and disadvantageous in air dynamics and space utility. I liked sharper and more sporty exterior. When I saw the next model R32, it looked me like a great evolution. 25 years has passed, and as I stepped into middle-age, my taste of design has much changed. Contemporary car design is not bad, conscious of space utility, gasoline mileage and crash safety including protecting pedestrians. Meanwhile, when I'm free to imagine a car into a sketch, with feeling of nostalgia, cars of such era has much likely to appear. Although R31 Skyline had wagon model, for some reason, this drawing looks after WC34 Stagea, 10 years after R31.

This year rainy season has already begun. It began in the beginning of June, much earlier usual year. In this area, usually rainy season begins in the middle of June. Today, we have a lot of rain as expected. I felt that it was the first substantial rain since this spring began. Sendai is famous for its forest in the city. Seeing the forest basically give us the sense of healing, but in the rainy season, it gives me a little bit, say, much melancholic feeling.

In this several months, I haven't really went serious panic as I did just after I began to work, but by the end of every week, I feel my energy having run out. Today I manage to walk straight home from station, but I feel sore from eyes through the back of my head. Is this because I worked out in front of the PC at work for more than 4 hours, or is it because I worked out several calculations to adjust layouts of links of the web page I'm working on? I wonder what is the cause and how to recover from this running out of energy. Probably not thinking much of this and enjoying the weekend is one of the best answers.

Just now I took a rest for a while at the station right after the train home arrived. I was so tired today. Nobody but me seemed to take a rest but most passengers went to the gate and probably headed to their houses or destinations. I guess many of them were tired enough, for they are right after work, but I wonder nobody was so tired that they wanted to take a rest at the station before they went home.

At work, I gradually have to be aware of my strong points and be able to explain them to our customers or co-workers. I've been so accustomed to focus on my negative aspects that it's a little bit difficult to find and explain ones. One is my thoughtfulness. When I was in university, I took a English writing class. Every week, the participants had to hand in reports, written in English. Every time I struggled to complete them, and was nervous about what response I would receive from the teacher. When my first report was returned, I received a response, commended for my thoughtfulness and a certain standard of my writing style. Of course, there were a lot of mistake and I got correction for them, but this experience gave me confidence to continue to write in English. These days, I have to express my strong point in Japanese rather than English, in the middle of human relationships at work, but recalling this experience giving me another awareness of my strong point wil...

Just I did last morning, this morning I scanned some documents. I scanned the handout of a monthly group meeting 3 years ago, and the instructions for the skill competition for disabled people called "Abilympic". As for Abilympic, I participated in the competition of database. This year I plan to join in the one of making web pages.

Yesterday evening I took a walk hoping that I would feel so better as to begin to jog, but I didn't feel any better. This evening, much cooler than the day before yesterday, I took a walk again. I decided to jog at a pace 10 minutes per kilometer. I thought this pace doesn't give me much overload, and it's a good pace to build the stamina to keep on jogging. I take 160 steps a minute when I jog. If I jog the road from corner to corner (250 meters) in 400 steps, it'll be the very pace. Actually I jogged there in 360 steps, which made the pace of 9 minutes per kilometer. I found that slowing down, keeping to the pace of 10 minutes per kilometer , required much concentration and I should be in shape even more.

This morning, I'll scan at least 10 sheets of paper before I play video game. Then I'm free to game. I make it a rule. Once I took up and a little while I fount myself having scanned 50 sheets. Now I'm free to play a game but considering my tiredness, whether I do or not is not clear. I'd like to be in best condition when I leave for work.

After supper I took a walk 1 kilometer around home. I felt dizzy, probably because I had overdriven myself at work. I thought I would feel better after I walked 500 meters and feel like jogging a little. After all I was dizzy throughout the walk until I was back home again. The other day I took a walk just I did today, in the beginning as tired and dizzy as I was today. I began to walk and jog once in a while. Gradually I felt like going on jogging and even pacing up! Today I wished this walk had gone in this way, but today my tiredness won.

Go outside and take a walk early in the morning. This is the priority for this morning. Then I'm free to play a game until breakfast. I've been into the game and I decided to set a priority for a morning lest the game really affect my daily routines and duties.

I've been using Windows 8.1 PC for half years. I've missed the user interface of Windows XP with desktop and windows start button. I think what is convenient about the Start button is you can easily assess applications or files (actually shortcuts) you want to access by assigning favorable name so that you can reach simple key sequence like [Start button] - [U (Shutdown menu)] - [U (Shutdown)] or, [Start button] - [The initial spell of the shortcut you want to access]. On Windows 8.1, we regained the Start button, but you need to use right click to use the menus if you want to shutdown or access explorer. If you are familiar with access applications or files by key sequences, the default setting of newer Windows may look a little bit more inconvenient. I'm on the way to find the setting how I can make best use of the keyboard to access programs or files. I'm wondering if key-sequence lovers are becoming out of date, while smartphones and tablet PCs are more an...