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Showing posts from August, 2010

Unlimited negative identities

The other days, in my English class, the teacher pointed out that some of the students there had a little bet negative identity. This was true about myself, like "I'm person with mental heal problem". This negative identity sometimes occupies a large part of my self image, and prevent me from take positive action or communicating someone else. However, this wasn't my worst identity. I sometimes fell myself as a person from the planet other than the earth. I remember that my classmate once in a while said that I was from Mars and have 8 legs and have green blood. Whenever the classmate mention it, I was so unhappy that I would felt my feet heavy when I go to school, imagining that I'd be treated like an alien on the coming day. If I was successful in some aspect of my daily life, I could this alien aspect inside me into somehow positive identity, but in the reality that I'm actually alienated in my daily life, especially in business society, this "alien...

Does the feeling of meaningless of learning English bring me new stage and need of English communication?

I've studied English for about 20 years. It is about 10 years since I decided that I'd bring my English up to useful level. Obviously there are no chance to use English offline, no chance in my (non-existent) job, no chance in my activities. I haven't felt that I've been keeping up with communications in English online. In English learning community I'm in, I can share with few people about difficulties of my perception and social activities. In an online group of people on the autism spectrum, I found it difficult to explain regional matters I've engaged in daily. My perfectionism is another obstacle of publishing more comments online. I wish I could articulate my problem more effortlessly in English. Actually, it takes huge amount of energy to explain myself in English, which is preventing me from publishing next post as often as I do in my Japanese blog.

Bullet train ball flying only 6 meters!

When I was 9 years old, I threw a ball to my brother. I yelled, "Take this Bullet Train Ball!". It flew just 6 meters, bounced on the ground and finally my brother caught it.