Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Now I'm checking my blog post records. I've been updating this blog every day since the 20th October until now, the end of 2013. Updating everyday by writing something in foreign language has been a little bit hard work for me, and most articles during this period is nothing more than trivial things. I hope I'll be able to write something daily in the coming year too, and also hope I'll be able to write something more than trivial, something that give you information and more courage.

Basically, I go skiing by public transportation, for I don't have a car. Today I took a train, transferred to subway, and then transferred to bus. It takes more than one and half hours, and I'm on public transportation most of the time. As well as a half hour when I'm going to work, and twice as long, it's perfect time for reading on the way of skiing. Today I went my first skiing for this season, and I did enjoy skiing, and on the way to and back skiing, I also enjoyed reading of a biography of Edison. Reading speed was so fast for me as to advance about 20% of the book for today (I've only read less than 50% by 2 days ago since I began to read the book 2 months ago, and I couldn't tell the detail either even with such a slow pace), I didn't remember the details, but I'm so impressed by his hardworking as well as his inspiration. The remainder for the book is slightly less than 20%, so I hope I'll be able to read it through within the year 2013.

I plan to go out for skiing for tomorrow, December 30th. It is much later than past years in which my first skiing for the year is between December 7th to 15th, and by the end of year I had skied 3 to 4 times. Not only this is my first skiing for the season, it may have the meaning of rehabilitation of social activity as well as skiing itself. This decline of the pace of going skiing is firstly due to declining of my energy by aging, and due to the decline of my mental condition, struggling with coping with stresses of going to work and communicate with other people daily, and thirdly because, I've been feeling like giving up the vision to be active as a skiing instructor, being impossible to coping with mental health without lowering the priority of skiing activities. I even thought that giving up skiing altogether. It wasn't good idea in terms of stress coping. Skiing is a good way of recreation and have a good effect on my mind and body as long as I spare my physical a...

Weather forecasts say that a low pressure like a serpent (the cold front stretching to southwest surrounding Japan as if one) lies far northeast from Japan, and broad area of Japan may have heavy snow, especially the Japan Sea (western) side of northern Japan. Although my city lies in the Pacific (eastern) side of Tohoku (North East area of Japan), we, in a western suburb of the city, have already had much snow that requires snow shoveling. On Christmas, it was slightly "white" in our area in that we had snow a little bit, and a few days after Christmas, we have a lot of snow, which makes the holidays "super white".

In Japan, Christmas is not a holiday, so I went to work the days around Christmas. The Christmas trees in front of the central station disappeared after Christmas, but I saw the illusion of them. Today was the last day for the year, and I've been relieved that I was back without much trouble, although I was so tired that I sometimes limped while I hurried home. I wonder if I can sleep well tonight, for when I was back, the excitement I made today to sustain myself for the work won't wear off easily, even though I know now it's time I was able to relax. Even if I can't (I hope I can because with good sleep I can have quality holidays like going skiing), I need not to worry. Now I need not to be worried about the condition if it is good enough to go out and meet people. Now I'm getting used to the idea I'm also having holidays several days later than those who have holidays since Christmas, and can't help wishing them really happy holidays!

I can communicate in one language without being specially intelligent. Why can't I in two two languages in this way? In this way, the illusion was broken that I became specially intelligent because I mastered a foreign language. I've long been seeing in this illusion because in junior high school, high school, and entrance exams for collages or universities mastering  a foreign language was highly evaluated.

I'm not sure, but it may be due to my aging that I have sore eyes and knees most of this year. As to eyes, I'm careful not to go on working out over an hour without a rest. As to knees, take plenty of rest too and after recovered, acquire better logic to keep good posture longer by using muscle of my hip and abdomen.

I thought I have been burnt out. I went to church for the candle service this evening. I thought I was too tired to have a voice and sit still to sustain a candle lit. In fact I was allowed to sing carols energetically. I gave up the fuel myself. I gave up this evening keeping lighting myself. Lord allowed to light me up and gave also light to my worship voices.

It's been a half year since I bought Kindle Fire HD. With this, I read several books. I've been using default display setting, and feeling a little bit too bright. This is the main reason why I bought JINS PC glasses. With good eyesight, I hadn't had a habit to take glasses with me, and sometimes I forget the glasses. In short period of time, it's OK to read without the glasses, but when I took my Kindle without glasses, I hesitate to read books for fear of my eyes being tired. It wasn't until today that I tried the display setting of my Kindle. I changed the setting with background black, and letters white. Even though I don't have a habit to read a book with black paper with white ink, I felt that it's much gentler to my eyes than default setting with black letters, white background. I also made letters two points bigger. Since my reading speed is slow, with default letter size setting, I was often overwhelmed by the amount of letters, which prevent me...

I post blog updates daily for almost two months. I had made up my mind to write something in English daily. Most of the posts write about trivial things in my daily life and my mind so far. By the way, I often make blog posts at night after I take a bath. Even making the most trivial post, it takes some time, and it may cool my body excessively and cause me catch a cold. Times permitting, I hope I'll be able to finish my post before I bathe.

Today I used the document scanner that arrived on Monday for the first time. At first I put a sheet of paper in a wrong direction and it was stuck. I didn't know how to remove the stuck sheet until I read the manual which can be downloaded from the internet. Once I learned how to scan it takes only a few minutes to scan a notebook if it is properly cut into sheets of paper. I hope I will be able to scan and put out unnecessary document, and realize the dream of the clean desktop.

I'm relieved that I know I'm standing as tall as I've been. Is it because it snowed this morning, for I'm considered that I've been shrinking like snowman, or is it because it's Friday, since I'm considered that I've been worn out because of the workdays with more change than other time of the year? Anyway it's likely that I'm gonna be able to go to work standing as tall as I've ever been.

Batteries of some devices was running out. It takes time to charge them. I was worried about it. The batteries running out was of, my iPod nano 3rd, my kindle fire, and myself .

I've done a lot of work for a week, with a lot of flexibility, which, like other people with developmental disability, I'm not good at basically. Looked like I looked like so tired that I was on the way of shrinking by 1cm a day, and if I continued to work at that pace, I would melt away. I was said this at work. Even if I shrank at this pace, I would be able to exist nearly a half year, but I need plenty of rest and pace control if I want to continue to work long.

Yesterday, I told a story that I bought a USB memory drive, mounted it on the home wireless LAN access point and put it music so I can listen through my PlayStation 3 without turning on my PC. I also reported small inconveniences with the orders of tracks. It happened because there was a problem in transferring process, and I deleted the folders with the problem and copied them again from the first. Then I saw tracks in the right order. In this respect, the access point as a media server has a certain quality as a music player. At least it's better than playing tracks of PC with windows media player through the PS3; the tracks don't line up in the right order unless I prepare a playlist for a CD in the right order. Note that playlists made through WMP don't work if you copy them from your PC to your access point. You can also make a playlist within PS3. I tried to make one, but I couldn't. You can only add to a playlist in a PS3 musics within the machine. So I thoug...

Today a USB memory I had ordered Friday arrived. I lost no time to mount it to the wireless LAN access point. This access point can also be used as a DLNA server, so after I put music data in the access point with this storage, I can listen to music with my PlayStation 3 without my PC turning on. There is somewhat inconvenience in playing order, but playing music through my PS3 is convenient overall.

I've known the word tropical, but I didn't know the word temperate zone in spite I live in temperate zone. I was also surprising to know they have snow in Hawaii. It's been snowing outside in Sendai since yesterday. I would be excited if I were more in to skiing just as I was a year or more ago.

Yesterday, a USB sound device arrived. At first it was unstable. When I connected it first, the PC built-in sound turned off and it worked and played sound clearly. When I disconnected and connected it again, the built-in sound turned on again and the device seemed disappeared. I didn't know how to turn on the new sound device again. Minutes later, I learned to select sound device that turns on default, and selected new device. The new device began to make sound again, but right channel only. The sound itself seemed to be unstable too. I disconnected and connected a few times, and waited. It looked like it takes time to drive stably. I installed drivers from the attached CD. It seemed to work more stably. Finally, I installed the utility software to edit audio files. Later when I record from mini-disc radio cassette player, I found this utility useful. There may be a software like Audacity, with lots of useful functions, but this utility seems handy and powerful in that you...

I've continued to update this blog daily for over a month. In writing something and making it public daily, I've achieved the goal I set in this fall. I'm wondering if it's time to go to next step. I doubt that my posts have made any sense to anyone. To reflect on them, they are even short of record of my memory. I keep writing for the goal to make some sense to someone in the long run. Just as I'm doing in Japanese blog, I'm now to continue to keep records that'll make sense at least to future myself, who I hope think and experience a lot more than now.

Today on the train home, I was so tired that I couldn't keep standing. When I got off at the station near home and began to walk, I felt released. Interestingly, I feel more tired standing still than walking or even jogging, in a same period of time. I wonder if there are many people who prefer walking to standing still.

I built a speaker set and played jazz and pop music through media server on PS3 driven by a digital amp. When I walk up and I made cafe au lait downstairs, I felt as if I was in a cafe. The piled dust brought reality of my messy room. Why don't I clean up dust at every corner of my room day by day and feel more and more like cafe?

When I learned English, I've sought excelling someone else who was also learning English. I sought great pleasure by winning higher certificate or mark of English Exams. I'm thinking this would be nonsense if I'm learning language seeking more communication and more friends. Today when I was on the train home I was reading a book by Dale Carnegie, and I read  "If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you"  I may have been learning English in a way I might have make enemies. As you see in my posts, the attempt that I excel someone else at English doesn't look like successful. If I really want to learn English and live fruitful life through the language I learn, I thought, "why don't I begin with acknowledge someone else excelling me at English".  

The speaker kit and digital amplifier arrived. Although I kind of struggled with attach speaker units to faston terminals and fixing the units with bolts into enclosures. Since it's night now and I can't turn up volume, I can't fully evaluate the speakers' performance, but it's to be seen for the weekend.

I have never had a mobile phone, because so far, I haven't have much need to much phone calls. I call 10 times a month at most, and in most cases, I use a telephon booth. I haven't care much about topics about mobile phones, and I was suprised when I knew that smart phones have been spread so much that you have only limited choices when you want to have an ordinary mobile phone. When I begin to feel the need of mobile phone, and still care much about expence, what choice will I take? And when? I guess I may do without a mobile phone for a few years, but I'm wonderling.

Today I went to my doctor and spoke about things for one month. I made relatively big purchases last month. I experienced huge mental earthquake last week and barely went to work with (although almost inner one) repeated scream. I finally completed my work successfully and happy enough to see the client's smile. I also talked about the analysis why the communications in the middle of this week went wrong; it was firstly because I didn't know how to effectively report of an impended task, secondly because I lacked the sense of responsibility to complete my work as a main engineer, and thirdly because when I'm liable to shrink so greatly when I was rebuked that I even lose voice and standard and sometimes basic communication skill, with limping posture, which would make matters much worse. Doctor said "Take it easy." He was right in that all I want and need is learn to take it easy, and this need comprise, if not all, major part of my characteristic, so call...

Since I bought PC then bought a pair of audio speakers, the urge of extra pair of speakers aroze. I'm totally satisfied with new PC speaker pair, but my TV and video games are placed on the opposite corner of the room, and I also wanted better sound for them. It's not good idea that I spend more than I've spent on the PC speakers, since I also have a plan to buy a document scanner to clean up paper documents and notes and sketches I've written and drown for years. I can spend only as much as I spent on the PC speakers. First I've planned to buy a bluetooth speaker set, and suddenly I came up with the second plan. Make a pair by DIY. I may buy speaker units and enclosure kits, and built them by myself. I'm not sure which plan will give me more pleasure, but I felt it amazing that there may be a choice to get better sound at lower cost by DIY.

Finally I've been safely back from work today, in spite of yesterday's mental breakdown. I'm grateful that I can continue to work tomorrow.

I at 70% understood what was happening. The other 30% part of me hit me hard inside rather than my boss rebuked for my incomplete report. I had no choice but to halt and freeze. This request I guess was far over my capacity to cope with matters and stresses. It's not me who had the power to mess all up, but rather I just let the real gravity working on us work as it as, with shortage of effort to sustain my body upright. Huge gravity also worked in my mind. This huge power of combination of gravity worked on me 80% mentally, 15% physically on myself, and I barely managed to control as low as 5 % of all the power of panic that I ended up in putting out resulted in for my co-workers feeling uncomfortable, because my behavior went much shaky as to limp and lean every door, wall table and chair. Additionally because it took fatal an extra hour to give substantial respond to my boss's inquiry who had to manage a task with deadline for tommrrow afternoon. With all my effort, a...

Today I received a reply for an article of my Japanese blog about jumping rope I had written nearly 4 years ago. At the beginning of 2010, I wrote that article to show how strangely I had done with my jumping rope and how I had improved my jumping rope, with animations. The year I entered elementary school, pupils had to do jumping rope in gymnastic classes. I couldn't jump even once. Later I noticed that I could use wrists to rotate the rope. Until then, I turned the rope by moving my arms much up and down, and jumped with huge landing noise. After I noticed the tip for jumping rope, I became good at jumping rope.

Shortly after I bought new PC, I also bought a pair of active speakers. The size and the quality of sound was just for me. This speaker system made me want to listen to more music, so I registered to rent CDs for the first time since I came to Sendai city 8 years ago.

I installed several server software packages on my old PC I've just installed PC. I managed to share files via the LAN, and I've also made sure that a web server is running. I also tried to install PS3 media server, but wasted a lot of time without seeing running the server through PS3. Some configuration may be missed. I could continue to work on this problem but it may cause much fatigue that may affect my work for this week, so I decided to give up and focused on the thought that my old PC was really good material for experiments of PC, server, and network, and I'm now just a beginner, it takes time to get used to confugure many complicated network and server features, so it's time that I saved energy for work for this week and month and further growth as a PC user and administrator.