me as a siren-man survived for 30 years

I was a siren-man in elementary school. Every day I screamed whatever unexpected things happen or every slight physical or psychological pain.
I didn't know why I end up crying after a few hours after I had made up my mind to behave for the day.
One classmate said that "in order not to care the scream he make, you only have to get accustomed to the bell ringing before a train leave."
I've forgotten I was such a siren-man when I was in elementary school, but today's stress which was so severe that I was about to put siren noise out my lips, babbling buzzing sound on the way home when nobody else wasn't interested enough.
Showing fatigue with implicit behavior may affect morale of the workplace, so sharing information of my physical and mental condition isn't always easy, sometimes busy with their own businesses, so at least I myself should be one who appreciate my 30 years survival refusing tempt of terminating my life by myself, under the daily and constant stress from a trivial failure or mismatch of communication which is strong enough at least make me babble to forget about such stress.

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