Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

It was back to when I was around four grade in elementary school that I felt myself limping not because of my physical problem but because I felt something strange in my mind. After I grew up, I feel such behavior of limping with miserable feeling of mental downturn. I thought vaguely that something was wrong with my mind, but going to mental clinic was the idea the majority of the classmates like to stigmatize. Special education was also target of stigma. Classmates and even teacher said, "if you don't behave well, you'll go to special classes." In my childhood, although I had some sign that something was wrong, but these support institution was not the places to rely on but target of stigma and the last place I liked to go.

Thanks to all the help and support, I worked through this week. The last half of the week, every morning I felt as if I had heard myself screaming. I had hard time with bearing my desire to shout when I was going to work. I thought I needed a psychological checkup. I wish I were in shape enough to go skiing for this weekend, but it's time I met with the doctor.

Had a check up in the morning. Was hungry until noon. Shrunk by 1cm to 178cm, still the second highest in the lifetime. Had apparently no problem but had to miss the monthly meeting of adults in the spectrum in the evening at city support center because I needed a lot of sleep for tonight.

One reason I can update my blog every day is easy access to the edit screen of blog. I only have to turn on the browser and choose the tab of the dashboard, then just click "New post" button. I don't necessarily come up with the idea of what to write, but just activating the new post page, I can type several words which are just in my mind now. I may want to apply this "easy access rule" in working out web coding required for my work and for study for future achievement. Regretfully, until I take up with the editor used in web coding I need several clicks. More exactly, just launching the editor, since it's on my desktop, I can do by one double click, but the problem is it takes many times and clicks to locate the folder I want to work on. For more efficient trial-and-errors I need to customize my PC setting for me to easily to access to my working folder.

Personal matters, especially about what I feel inside are grave factors of my daily life, but they are much irrelevant to my work, and this is likely to be true no matter what my work would be. In this respect this kind of personal matter may be an impact on my work and the business I work for. I'm much grateful that my boss is ready to listen to my such matters as long as she isn't too busy. Having someone who are readily to relate to what I talk about what I feel inside give me much comfort. However I don't want to forget that my boss is responsible for the business we work for, and the reason she relates to the matter is that it is a factor that can be an impact on the business and it is a factor that may affect my performance with which I contribute to my work and the business. This is what I reflected on after I read the first half of Drucker's Management, then I reflected on my feeling inside. Transportation to and from skiing by bus is so long that it can b...

In this morning I was about to ride the train I usually ride to work. This train's doors are semi-automatic, which passengers open and close a door by pushing the open or close button near the door. The reason why the door aren't full-automatic is for efficient heating. By giving passengers a choice to close the doors while a stop, it can keep the cars warm. If the doors were open throughout stops at stations, the heat in the car would be lost, making passengers feel cold, and using unnecessary heat to warm the cars again. There is, however, a downside in the train door system. If a passenger isn't careful enough for the succeeding passengers riding on the train, they might be caught or trapped by the door. It's probably because this kind of troubles have been often reported that I sometimes see posters which give us alert that we want to be careful enough if there aren't succeeding passengers about to ride train before we push the close button. This morning thi...

Monday morning I woke up with my fatigue left much. I was even in despair. I felt as if I had no hope in my future and I were totally incapable. I rode train to work anyway. I draw an automobile and circles on my sketchbook. At this rate my bad mood was prevailing in my office, making more stressful and depressing atmosphere, and making my condition even worse. I decided to write my upsides to get up my mood. These were 10 reasons I could continue to work today: I've been successful to ride the train to work as usual. I gripped my pen to draw some pictures and letters. I wrote some alphabets and several words which make sense I looked up the meaning of the words; work, workout, task, prone, liable, apt, disposition, and mood, to more likely to be able to communicate. I made up my mind to walk from the central station to work without delaying from most of pedestrians. I remembered the message of yesterday's worship service and didn't forget to read bible verse...