Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Today by the afternoon the temperature outside rose to 32 degree Celsius. It was extremely hot in this time of this year, before the rainy season.

A few hours ago, I saw a news bulletin of an earthquake on TV. It wasn't so strong, but the jingle of the bulletin was a little bit scary. Some jingles of TV news bulletin is really scary. When I was in elementary school, I saw a news bulletin of a terrible airplane crash. The serious result of the crash and the scariness of the jingle of bulletin kept me from watching TV alone at night for several days. Even now, when I turn on my TV, I'm sometimes afraid that as soon as I turn on the TV, a news bulletin may begin with a scary jingle. This feeling is similar to one I feel when I'm back my room dark and I'm afraid if telephone begins to ring before I turn on the light.

Burnout? I almost fainted on the train home today. This week I have had to cope with recovery from sick feeling after my driver's license renewal, improvement of answering phone calls, tempers of co-workers (in which I gave a bad impression even a smallest shortage from perfect business manner), editing a lot of web pages, and paperwork of the end of the month. I've barely adapted to my workplace, but once I leave the office, I have to face run-out of my energy. Of course I'm going to work for next week, and I'll do after that. Now it's time I quit thinking of burnout and thought of rest and recovery of my energy.

Today I participated in the monthly meeting of adults with developmental disabilities. To be honest, I felt a gap between the viewpoint majority of participants and mine. I think one reason for this is because many of them managed to landed a job, without any idea that they could be with developmental disabilities, and after that they found themselves either different, incapable, or in communication troubles. Then they began to think that they may be with developmental disability. My case was much different. On job hunting I was regarded as incapable, because I was often mute when I had to say my name, or I tried to avoid contact overly with recruiters from businesses. My struggle has been how to show employers to show that I, who am apparently incapable, am somehow able and seeking help for show my ability, contrary to the majority's cases in which they struggled to make some people understand that they have problem with their perception or communication and ask them for app...

Recently, I've had my hands full with coping with tasks and communications at work, and I have less clear idea of what I'd like to advocate for adults on the autism spectrum like me in the past (and even now, even though I try to hide as much as possible). Through my working experience, I'm thinking of making presentations better for myself of the past, who greatly struggled with human relationships at school and activities looking for a job. Some codes at my workplace may go against my autistic nature, but thanks to them, I've begun to have this kind of perspective.

In spite of many events which drained and discouraged a lot, I managed to weather this day. This morning I thought of the worse, that I had to get out of the workplace, and the team would adopt all idea of the other colleague in the meeting, and prepared for it. The outcome has been far better than I imagined then, and now I feel much better, with little worry, although my tiredness is still serious even now.

I'm now too emotional to say anything online. I need cooling my head.