Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

I'm saying hello through my old pc, which Windows XP used to be installed in until a half day ago, now with ubuntu. Installation process took hours (especially it took over an hour to obtain an tolerable connection speed to the Internet by disabling configuration about ipv6) and a little bit far from satisfaction (my current version is neither latest nor long-supported version, some auto-run program perhaps could be delited to use this PC comfortable but I'm not sure how, and several application should be installed to be in practical use).

Anxiety - bad atmosphere - stress - anxiety... a vicious circle. To break this I try to amplify positive messages like gratuities or admirations. When I'm being stressed out I tend to "hear" screams from my mind as if I wanted to hit, beat, and even try to kill myself. Although I know this obsession is false, I have to fight against these delusions daily. To defeat these, I need to be equipped with positive self images.

A half year ago I bought a business bag. The belt was broken in two months. I swaped one from my old bag. It was much stronger. Today this belt was broken too. I bought new one. Is the belt the bottleneck of a bussiness bag?

To enhance account security, I've taken up changing password encording rules. I tried this a few years ago, when I acquired an account of a virtual private server. The attempt however failed because the encoding rules are too complicated. I simplified the rules and am trying again. The passwords of all account services should be set according to new rules by next April.

24 hours after the incident, I recovered the sense that gravity is working in the right direction. I tried to behave, but it was thanks to my co-worker's understanding and consideration because I recovered without screaming in the workplace. Having said that, working hours feeling gravity in the wrong direction has made me really tired. Today, I hope I'm gonna going to bed in the right side and tomorrow'll I wake up in the right side too.

It's anxiety that really trying to kill me. What happens in my mind is likely to happen not only me. It takes time to calm down.

I don't talk much about today's event, but I strongly felt and learnd that human beings are more driven by emotion rather than facts. I watch out my behaviors and words keeping this deep in mind.