Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

Small but never ceasing confusions and growths I bring about and I feel daily.

Resist what is killing me today, which really is anxiety

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November 25, 2013

It's anxiety that really trying to kill me. What happens in my mind is likely to happen not only me. It takes time to calm down.

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Slow Burst

April 11, 2017

My mental state is near burst. I sometimes make strange noises myself when I feel as if my brain were going to burst. I also feel that my mind is going to burst slowly with stresses from too many unreasonable things. One source of these stresses, I suppose, is the incompatibility with the standard way of socialization especially in business scenes and my characteristic sometimes described in the context of autism spectrum disorder. Even now, while I'm thinking that standard social skills in business scenes is worth learning, I scream to myself getting mad when I learn them. Isn't just shaving my beards enough to be a salesperson? Am I going to be disadvantaged forever because the skin of my face and my head is too dry? This is one reason why I thought that I wanted to escape my country when I was 11 and 25. This made me learn some foreign language. However, I'm learning that overseas isn't so good as I dream about, especially as long as I go to public school. W...

It's my lack of confidence that is to be beaten

January 12, 2017

Autism, is it something to be removed? Or is it just another type of human being? I can't answer to this question. I, as you see, have language, and have a job. Although my struggles are real as well, I hear that there are a lot of cases of struggles many thousand times than mine. Ones who don't have language, or with serious behavioral problem. Although my behavioral problems, mainly social awkwardness, I can't answer the question whether autism is something that should be beaten. Instead, I can answer one question. I have to beat my lack of confidence through long struggles, if I want to succeed.

Almost losing one habit, just going to sleep

March 24, 2017

I was going to sleep without much worry, in spite of pain in my hip. But I almost forgot one thing. Posting something here for today. Every post may be trivial, but losing a habit established for years is a great deal.

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MaittakB: I'm an adult on the spectrum. After 5 years of job hunting and job training including social skill training, I landed a job 3 years ago. I like to learn about how a computer and computer networks work. I also have a lot to learn about how my emotions work, how other people's ones are different from mine, and how communications and interactions with other people work, to become a professional. I also seek God and go to the local church. I'm looking for the way how I can be Christian and an autistic adult at the same time.

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