What awareness would I ask for society now? It's definitely different from what I wanted 10 years ago
I have no idea what to talk.
I have imagined myself communicating out myself and difficulties around autism and developmental disorder.
Would I publish a book like Donna Williams?
Would I have opportunities to give speeches in front of large number of audience?
I have dreamed about "my turn" since I knew high-function autism by a book by Donna Williams when I was 18 years old, that was 22 years ago.
I have participated in several opportunities of meeting with adults with similar kind of disorders and in the same kind of problems.
Time has passed, and situations I was and am in have changed.
10 years ago, I wished that my voice reach wide variety of people in society.
I was so cornered and I wanted someone to know I wanted helps to get along with society.
At that time it took sometimes 10 minutes to even say my name after I was asked.
Then I could hardly tell what is my strong point and what is my weak point, although almost all what I can do was appealing that I'm incapable and useless, by being frozen, uttering incomprehensible things, crying, screaming, shouting, and jumping up and down, and fleeing. This had not necessarily been true, and I was capable and proficient enough, if human environments had been well considered - encouraging, empowering, and positive.
Now I have the opportunity to work, and communicate as much as I can, if not I can meet the demand of that of a salesperson. I'm seeking more communication skill which make communications at work much more efficient, thinking that I want to do more in the business stage. My interest has been shifted to how I can give more by communication or actual work, from how I ask society for awareness of how "we" (actually I) needed understanding and help.
I'm struggling with the idea that I have a critical view of my past attitude, with which I strongly demanded understanding and improvement of human environments and workplaces, even ignoring the goal of their goal to make profits. I wanted to be given much more before! The problem is I find it difficult to be nice to fellows, who typically had the view I had in the past. Now I have different views from them, although with the same kind of disorder and meet same kind of difficulties in society, especially at work. I want do more for them to advocate themselves, even though now I have a different view. However, what is my view now? I fear that if I put it into words, it is probable that it conflicts with the ideas they have just said.
With a fear of the conflict, now I escape into fields of data of things, cars, computers, plants and bugs, and perhaps illustration of people, rather than focusing on society, the view of which even among adults with similar disorders would conflict.
What do they want to tell? I can just listen to them.
And what do I want to tell? Only thing I can do for these days is just keeping silent. I can't utter a view that might attack my fellows.
I have imagined myself communicating out myself and difficulties around autism and developmental disorder.
Would I publish a book like Donna Williams?
Would I have opportunities to give speeches in front of large number of audience?
I have dreamed about "my turn" since I knew high-function autism by a book by Donna Williams when I was 18 years old, that was 22 years ago.
I have participated in several opportunities of meeting with adults with similar kind of disorders and in the same kind of problems.
Time has passed, and situations I was and am in have changed.
10 years ago, I wished that my voice reach wide variety of people in society.
I was so cornered and I wanted someone to know I wanted helps to get along with society.
At that time it took sometimes 10 minutes to even say my name after I was asked.
Then I could hardly tell what is my strong point and what is my weak point, although almost all what I can do was appealing that I'm incapable and useless, by being frozen, uttering incomprehensible things, crying, screaming, shouting, and jumping up and down, and fleeing. This had not necessarily been true, and I was capable and proficient enough, if human environments had been well considered - encouraging, empowering, and positive.
Now I have the opportunity to work, and communicate as much as I can, if not I can meet the demand of that of a salesperson. I'm seeking more communication skill which make communications at work much more efficient, thinking that I want to do more in the business stage. My interest has been shifted to how I can give more by communication or actual work, from how I ask society for awareness of how "we" (actually I) needed understanding and help.
I'm struggling with the idea that I have a critical view of my past attitude, with which I strongly demanded understanding and improvement of human environments and workplaces, even ignoring the goal of their goal to make profits. I wanted to be given much more before! The problem is I find it difficult to be nice to fellows, who typically had the view I had in the past. Now I have different views from them, although with the same kind of disorder and meet same kind of difficulties in society, especially at work. I want do more for them to advocate themselves, even though now I have a different view. However, what is my view now? I fear that if I put it into words, it is probable that it conflicts with the ideas they have just said.
With a fear of the conflict, now I escape into fields of data of things, cars, computers, plants and bugs, and perhaps illustration of people, rather than focusing on society, the view of which even among adults with similar disorders would conflict.
What do they want to tell? I can just listen to them.
And what do I want to tell? Only thing I can do for these days is just keeping silent. I can't utter a view that might attack my fellows.
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