Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

I'm going for jogging after supper, with minimum waste of time, hoping better sleep at night and early waking up next morning.

Fatigue and tiredness is the thing I suffer daily, and it affects my behavior greatly. This morning I could hardly walk forward, from physical and mental tiredness. At the Sunday service, I stopped for several minutes at the entrance. I almost forgot what to do. As always, my sensory issue was so serious in the beginning, when sounds from the chapel reached, I felt as if I had felt pain by being struck hard from near the heart. I didn't really felt pain, but I was beaten to the floor and frozen all the same. In the end I adjusted myself and sit and listened for the last few minutes. When I sang along with a worship song, I noticed that the sound I heard, amplified and made louder from the big speakers with its cabinet height more than 1 meter, was as loud as the voice of my song, also as large as the voice when I scream when I feel great pain of body or mind. In the afternoon, I joined in the cleaning of the church, and I kind of enjoyed, taking care of kids. It was a bit r...

In recent 3 days, I was into upgrading the quality of my blog post, but on Saturday, my enthusiasm is wearing out for the time of being. Allowing myself to take a brake from blogging for a few days may help, but I'm thinking twice. I'm worried that if I take a break for a while, the break will be long, and perhaps my next post may be a half year later, or even thinking of quitting from blogging. So far, I'm able to be efficient in writing a post when I make a question to myself, and try to answer sincerely. Then another question occurs to me. Do I enjoy blogging? Isn't daily blogging just an obligation? Most of time I thought that blogging is obligation that I impose on myself to grow my English proficiency. How often I enjoy writing a post is a few times a month. A few times a month, this pace perhaps the best pace of my blog post, if I really want to deliver readers to quality blog posts.

In 2014 and 2015, my blog post was much more focused than now. In 2014, I focused on events from 2005, when I finished graduate school, without finding a job and with serious communication and behavioral problems, until 2007, when I finally landed on a part time job at a post office. Review of my life chronologically - My life events from 2005 to 2007 I read back my entries then. It wasn't so bad. On the contrary, much better than my blog entries these days. Next year, 2015, I focused on my daily progresses. I was determined to take note of any progress every day, whatever small it may be. I was determined to note 100 times, and made posts of 100 progress. I would like to make a list of links my progresses page then. Why was I able to focus on so persistently then? I think that one motivation was behind this. I wanted to become a writer even though English is my second language, and thought that focusing on one issue at a certain period way an efficient way to achieve thi...

I wanted to count how many words my draft. There may be convenient online tools, but you can also use Google Docs . My current goal is making a 500 word article one week. Thanks to the help , I made it. First, I looked for what icon to click, for many google apps like gmail, many function was shown by icons instead of words. However, the "Tool" menu, which "Word Count" function belongs to was shown by a word, in a menu bar. At first I was surprised a bit. In Google Chrome and Gmail, you don't see a menu bar like another legacy Windows apps. Here's what I did, after a bit of detour. 1. Open Google Docs and create new document. 2. Copy my draft and paste it on the new document. 3. Select all 4. While selecting all my draft, click "Tools" on (our old friend) menu bar on the top of the app. 5. Select "Word count" from the drop down menu under "Tools" of the menu bar Here I got the word count of my writing, with 21...

When I'm tired and sinking in despair, I often can't help limping and talking something to myself. I even say a few word that are associated suicide. I believe that even in such a moment I don't really want to commit suicide. Whereas I know that it's a bad habit that someone encountering me may hear from me words reminding them of death. These day, I'm getting aware of the fact that it isn't only me who are talking to themselves while walking. They may look a bit awkward and weird, but I have found that at least encountering such people talking to themselves aren't totally unbearable. I may look miserable when I'm so tired and depressed that I can't help limping and talking to myself, but I acknowledge such a condition as a part of my life and characteristic. I'm just thinking that "could I replace some of the words talking to myself to a bit more positive word, instead of ones associated with death and destruction." My mind may b...

Since around the beginning of this year, 2019, I have been thinking that "the need of place (a peer group) I can have conversation" isn't necessarily my priority. From yesterday's session, I'm inclined to change my mind. Conversations in a peer group isn't so bad. There are a few interesting topics, even if we are going to lose dedicated facilitators. I was thinking I wasn't able to enjoy conversation without help from a facilitator, and I had seldom enjoyed conversation with only peer members. Looks like my thought was wrong. It depends on topics. When a topic is about odd rules from school or peer pressure from classmates, I can relate to it, because I had long suffered from such kinds of experiences, and they greatly affect my personality, especially my shyness even up to now. It takes a lot of energy to join in a peer group with people on autism spectrum disorder. I don't think I can enjoy every time, while working almost full time. But jo...