I won't pay back with destruction for near-death of my mind - by talking myself to destructive things

When I'm tired and sinking in despair, I often can't help limping and talking something to myself. I even say a few word that are associated suicide. I believe that even in such a moment I don't really want to commit suicide. Whereas I know that it's a bad habit that someone encountering me may hear from me words reminding them of death.

These day, I'm getting aware of the fact that it isn't only me who are talking to themselves while walking. They may look a bit awkward and weird, but I have found that at least encountering such people talking to themselves aren't totally unbearable.

I may look miserable when I'm so tired and depressed that I can't help limping and talking to myself, but I acknowledge such a condition as a part of my life and characteristic. I'm just thinking that "could I replace some of the words talking to myself to a bit more positive word, instead of ones associated with death and destruction."

My mind may be "near-killed and near-destroyed", but I make it more clear that I won't pay back with destruction for near-death of my mind, by refraining from saying destructive words and making my words milder and more positive, and awesome if I want to say something intense.

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