Maitta! Always - Daily Amazing Confusions -

I don't always remember my strong point. Actually, it's especially easy for me to forget my strong point when I have free time to write for myself. Instead, I tend to remember my negative sides, pessimistic thoughts. The reason for this is probably because I'm not able to describe with my own words. Even when I have relatively clear ideas with which I'm assertive, because I don't know the right word for me to describe. Finally I totally give up communicating. With the fact that I don't know the right word for describe myself, it's time to face up with the fact of the lack of vocabulary. It's not enough at all to get full mark of a particular language test, to get full mark in the test of describe myself fully. In order to overcome this, I'm thinking of reading books more frequently, taking advantage of free copies of classics available in Kindle.

When I was at elementary school, the classroom and interaction with my classmates and schoolmates was usually pain for me. As I didn't want to repeat pain of troubles and failures, I tried to be a good boy from the beginning of every school day. I always came up with miserable result, finding myself crying from being rebuked by a teacher or bumping into trouble with other boys at school. In most case, I couldn't remember what was wrong. More than 100 times, some classmates said that the class didn't need me. One of my limited comforts at school was viewing railroad cars at the southeast corner of the ground of the school. The Tohoku line was running beside the school. Although express trains didn't run any more, after Shinkansen, running further east of our city, was in operation, square, massive, and powerful figure of trains encouraged me a lot. I enjoyed to speak details of railroad cars running then and ones of the past, having known by picture books in the second l...

 Write, write and write. Post, post, and post. And I'm going to win [_blank_]. I want to make this the tactics for this month. I will see the strategy for the next after I see the result. To explain more seriously, I'm not sure what I really want to write about and I'm really good at, until I finish writing certain amount, say 100 entries or 20,000 words. I'm also looking forward to unexpected writing even when I feel like incapable of writing anything. Even now, I'm being surprised that I'm writing something at least partially, if not entirely, making sense, because I was so exhausted that I was thinking I can't write anything that make sense just before I began to write this. I know, however, I'm not able to tell what I really mean to tell. When I was at elementary school and junior high school, classmates often implied me that they don't understand at all what I was saying, by saying to me, "Speak Japanese". That literally means that ...

You may want to remember and express your strength briefly, if you are focusing too much on your week point to remember your strong point. What is my strong point? I'm interested in the root knowledge of information technologies, and I haven't given back blogging in foreign language, since I began ten years ago. In 2008 I was under job training for people with disabilities. Co-trainees who had mental illness but not on the autism spectrum are more likely to find a job early, but ones who were on the spectrum like me have a hard time with finding a job. I myself tried hard to raise the performance, speed and accuracy of data entry work outsourced to the training office I go to. I however didn't take any action by myself to find what work and what office are more likely to match my personality, my skills I've already acquired, and my interest. I totally depended on counselors, job trainers, and helpers there to find my strength and the place which I work at and help with ...

In April, 2005 I came and live this home in Sendai with my parents from Sapporo. Although it was current home of my parents, it wasn't the region that I was brought up. When I studied at a university in Sapporo, they moved there from my hometown. When I myself was moved there in Sendai, I had just finished my master's degree, but I was too shy to say anything at a job interview. In fact I even didn't reach one. At job fairs, I was frozen and shutdown, extremely scared of job hunting.

With my personality, communication for itself easily wear me out. Just for communication is hard to be my motivation, unlike people who really like and enjoy and seek any kind of communication as often as possible. It goes against my personality. Instead I prefer to probe many field of knowledge, in some field deeper, and in some feel not so deep but wide. I like to know and understand, even if there are no one to tell. In this way, I reached this conclusion. I will continue to learn foreign languages, even if I have never a chance and no one to talk to. This is what I thought in October, 2019. I was busy, and to be honest stressed out while preparing for Abilympics. At that time, I was extremely easily to get tired out after I meet someone else. I was seeking opportunities to talk with adults on the autism spectrum, but kind of found it disappointing, because what I was and am interested in, career in the computer industry but I couldn't find anyone who was interested in that fi...

The first several months after I entered elementary school was a nightmare. Every day at school I was rebuked from the teachers or classmates and cried hard. Even if I try to be good boy, at least a few hour after I find myself in trouble, totally different from the image I would behave like too good a boy. In that way, my self-image of behavior, human-relationship, and relationship was the worst, even though I come up with good marks in exams. Even though I got full marks in exams, I didn't think that getting high mark in exams gives me high values. As adults and classmates then told me, without behaving in group activity I wouldn't be valuable however excellently I made it in exams. In that way there wasn't no factor with which I could regard myself as of some value. Being alone in elementary school for a few months or years, I enjoyed a few things. I especially enjoyed viewing picture books of railroad trains and automobiles. The elementary school I was in located by rai...

Self introduction. So many time did this word drop me into deep despair. One major reason is I suddenly forget about my personality when I hear the word "Self Introduction". Why does this happen to me? This is probably one of panic reaction out of my anxiety and fear of talking about anything to other people. When I dig deep into the reason for I'm especially shy about self introduction, I have reached one guess. Probably I have been thinking in this way. Anything I like is far from the trend, and I'm going to be laughed when I speak of what I like and what I enjoy. It's a big mistake. Even though some mean people are likely to laugh about my stammering manner of speaking with a lot of sweat, nice people won't laugh about what I like, which means what I pay respect for. Also, nice people are likely to be patient enough not to laugh my shy manner of speaking. In this way I got over one hurdle, but here's another barrier. "I still want to keep what...

When I'm tired and sinking in despair, I often can't help limping and talking something to myself. I even say a few word that are associated suicide. I believe that even in such a moment I don't really want to commit suicide. Whereas I know that it's a bad habit that someone encountering me may hear from me words reminding them of death. These day, I'm getting aware of the fact that it isn't only me who are talking to themselves while walking. They may look a bit awkward and weird, but I have found that at least encountering such people talking to themselves aren't totally unbearable. I may look miserable when I'm so tired and depressed that I can't help limping and talking to myself, but I acknowledge such a condition as a part of my life and characteristic. I'm just thinking that "could I replace some of the words talking to myself to a bit more positive word, instead of ones associated with death and destruction." My mind may b...