According to bullies in my childhood, I was likely to be speaking different "Japanese" than they speak - This is one of how I got despair of speaking, maybe any language

 Write, write and write. Post, post, and post. And I'm going to win [_blank_]. I want to make this the tactics for this month. I will see the strategy for the next after I see the result.

To explain more seriously, I'm not sure what I really want to write about and I'm really good at, until I finish writing certain amount, say 100 entries or 20,000 words.

I'm also looking forward to unexpected writing even when I feel like incapable of writing anything. Even now, I'm being surprised that I'm writing something at least partially, if not entirely, making sense, because I was so exhausted that I was thinking I can't write anything that make sense just before I began to write this.

I know, however, I'm not able to tell what I really mean to tell. When I was at elementary school and junior high school, classmates often implied me that they don't understand at all what I was saying, by saying to me, "Speak Japanese". That literally means that "you are not talking the same language we speak." At that time they spoke Japanese, and I was thinking that, unlike now being bilingual, able to speak only Japanese!

Now I'm being surprised even more! This, that classmates were mean to me, by telling that they didn't think I was speaking the same language as they spoke, and by implying they didn't want me to join in their peers.

That episode made me fear more of speaking what I'm in mind to my classmates, and my speaking skill, and my confidence was much slow to grow.

Fortunately, when I speak Japanese to my families, some friends and some colleagues now, much of what I say seems to make sense. Looks like, at least in my country or in my region, when guys encounters other incompatible guys, they despise them as speaking different language from them, even though they both speak "Japanese" with same character set and pronunciation system.

I don't have time and energy to waste by meddling with those incompatible guys who want to ostracize me by opportunity because they speak same language. I want to focus more on people who enjoy themselves when I contribute an interesting view to them in a language I'm able to speak.

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