The nightmare right after I entered elementary school

The first several months after I entered elementary school was a nightmare.

Every day at school I was rebuked from the teachers or classmates and cried hard. Even if I try to be good boy, at least a few hour after I find myself in trouble, totally different from the image I would behave like too good a boy.

In that way, my self-image of behavior, human-relationship, and relationship was the worst, even though I come up with good marks in exams. Even though I got full marks in exams, I didn't think that getting high mark in exams gives me high values. As adults and classmates then told me, without behaving in group activity I wouldn't be valuable however excellently I made it in exams.

In that way there wasn't no factor with which I could regard myself as of some value.

Being alone in elementary school for a few months or years, I enjoyed a few things. I especially enjoyed viewing picture books of railroad trains and automobiles. The elementary school I was in located by railroad, I enjoyed viewing real passenger and freight trains, although I missed express trains after Shinkansen began to run farther west from our place of our city.

In that way, the first few months and few years after I entered elementary school was a nightmare, although before then, when I was in kindergarten I was much better getting along with people around me.

In kindergarten at least there are several people for me to talk to and they all were basically friendly to me.

I thought that the nightmare of my early elementary school days was the thing of the past, but later, it has severe after affect on my self-esteem, mental health and productivity even after I enter university and even I struggled and managed to graduated from it.

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