Even though it means nothing to you all, I'm thinking of breath regularly here again

I'm back to work after 6 days off.

I spent home almost all the time, but went swimming four times, during those days.

After this August came, I've almost lost the passion to learn more about information technologies. Also I lost touch of almost all people who helped a lot when I was in mental distress.

After COVID-19 shock, my apathy had gotten even more stronger.

Since a year or two ago, I have been thinking that being assertive about my disability won't make anyone happy. My behavior and my way of thinking is far from those anyone else feel comfortable, and especially quite different from the personality of those who gave me comfort when I was talking with them.

Whenever I utter what I was really perceiving then, how I was exhausted after meeting with different people, how lonely I felt when I was studying about information technologies and network technology because no one considered me as a teammate of their engineer team while they are learning almost the same things I was learning.

I liked information technologies so-so, but I have realized, at least until this year, I haven't been enthusiastic enough to seek knowledge, practices, tricks, and fluency in these kinds of discipline. I could have made several websites and WordPress blogs, perhaps publishing my pieces of writing by paying for budget VPS hosting. I also could have obtained microcomputers like Raspberry Pi, setting up web server and an experimental LAN and perhaps experimenting some internet services within that closed network.

I'm not sure if I make sense when I do this, but at least I'm thinking that if I totally quite expressing anything by words, either in Japanese or in English, it could mean my social and slow death.

It's a shame that I have obtained the habit to say sorry before I state my thought, and again this time it's a shame to mean nothing even though a few reader come here and read this, but even though it may mean nothing to anyone else, expressing my feeling as simply as possible is important as well as I take breath and I go to swimming for exercise.

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