I have my hands full with temporary expenses and how many places I have to make contacts with. It was not until I went to the Sunday service today. The sound of piano sounded like the sound from a jet engine of an airplane. Although I arrive at the local church on time, I couldn't enter the chapel until an hour passed. Until then I was crying out loud on a bench outside the church building, unable to control my perception that I could have been treated more fairly. Lest I wouldn't crash anything, I kept my body stiff on bench, and my prayer was rather like a scream of the siren of a fire engine. At work on weekdays I seemed to behave. However my mind has been almost wreck from tens of stress source, large and small.
Slow Burst
My mental state is near burst. I sometimes make strange noises myself when I feel as if my brain were going to burst. I also feel that my mind is going to burst slowly with stresses from too many unreasonable things. One source of these stresses, I suppose, is the incompatibility with the standard way of socialization especially in business scenes and my characteristic sometimes described in the context of autism spectrum disorder. Even now, while I'm thinking that standard social skills in business scenes is worth learning, I scream to myself getting mad when I learn them. Isn't just shaving my beards enough to be a salesperson? Am I going to be disadvantaged forever because the skin of my face and my head is too dry? This is one reason why I thought that I wanted to escape my country when I was 11 and 25. This made me learn some foreign language. However, I'm learning that overseas isn't so good as I dream about, especially as long as I go to public school. W...
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