I didn't know what to behave was like, esp. I didn't know how to stand straight

Since I was in university, I had read the discussion on the sits about developmental disabilities and gotten a feeling of bond when participants wrote about the experiences of difficulties they felt. I thought these experiences were similar to ones in my childhood.

In elementary school I intended and tried to be a good boy. Every morning I set out for school, I made up my mind that maybe today I "behave" perfectly, and "show high performance in classes", ending up in the end of that day I found myself cried many times, for being scolded or bumping into troubles. At that times I didn't really have an exact idea of what to behave is like.

I thought that standing straight with all my strength may be related to behaving well. I meant to stand straight with all my power, and the teacher says "no one here stands straight". I meant to do it with all my best!

Twenty years later, I suddenly got an idea. I was thinking almost only about better skiing. To get better balance, I needed better posture. Excessive muscle power prevented me from standing in good balance. This power feeling reminded me of the experience of elementary school.

In a winter vacation I had my mother to check my posture when I "intended to stand straight with all my power". She said "bent". I saw in the mirror. My body made an arch like a brace "(" , whose one end was my head and the other my foot.

In elementary school when I had to wait standing in straight like in the shape of "1", I always stood in the shape of "(".

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