When the word and idea "positive" sounds toxic

I would like to be positive as long as possible.

I hope I find something that I can give someone else.

I often think of how I can contribute to someone else taking advantage of my characteristics and activities.

But sometimes I'm so tired that when I hear the words "positive", it sounds toxic to me.

This probably is the sign I'm impairing mental health and I have to take care of myself.

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