Restarting Again From Zero

In the beginning of this month I was planning to refurbish my blog.

I was thinking of suitable subjects that my blog deals with.

I just ended up in missing the habit of posting something every day.

In the period I was away from here, I was busy and tired from preparing for Network Specialist exam, and even after the exam ended on last Sunday, I have still been worn out.

Before I stop my blog update, I was reviewing my motivation for blogging.

In the beginning right after 2009, I wanted and sought approval from outside, from other people.

This sometime caused troubles in interaction with Japanese bloggers who deal with topics on autism spectrum disorder.

At that time I didn't see authors' personalities at all and I was just thinking I could relate to them just because I had gone through similar hardships to theirs. I just imposed my experiences and my personality on their comment walls.

5 years later, I noticed that just imposing my own experiences without paying respect to the author wouldn't please the author of a blog article, when I stood on the author side. I had a few guests who always say "In my case," or "As for me" or "I went through", without any relation to the experience I mentioned in the post.

It was not until through blog communication of 10 years that how I had problem with my way of communication and my low self image without approval from outside.

Also, I hadn't been paying respect for what I had tried hard and worked hard in smallest respects.

I'm going to deal with these subjects later, but for now, it's time to say goodbye, declaring restarting my blog posts - almost from zero.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Slow Burst

My mental state is near burst. I sometimes make strange noises myself when I feel as if my brain were going to burst. I also feel that my mind is going to burst slowly with stresses from too many unreasonable things. One source of these stresses, I suppose, is the incompatibility with the standard way of socialization especially in business scenes and my characteristic sometimes described in the context of autism spectrum disorder. Even now, while I'm thinking that standard social skills in business scenes is worth learning, I scream to myself getting mad when I learn them.  Isn't just shaving my beards enough to be a salesperson? Am I going to be disadvantaged forever because the skin of my face and my head is too dry? This is one reason why I thought that I wanted to escape my country when I was 11 and 25. This made me learn some foreign language. However, I'm learning that overseas isn't so good as I dream about, especially as long as I go to public school. W...
Read more

It's my lack of confidence that is to be beaten

Autism, is it something to be removed? Or is it just another type of human being? I can't answer to this question. I, as you see, have language, and have a job. Although my struggles are real as well, I hear that there are a lot of cases of struggles many thousand times than mine. Ones who don't have language, or with serious behavioral problem. Although my behavioral problems, mainly social awkwardness, I can't answer the question whether autism is something that should be beaten. Instead, I can answer one question. I have to beat my lack of confidence through long struggles, if I want to succeed.
Read more