I say I want to live right after I have said I want to die - My Progresses 66
Many of the posts here have been a little bit negative and selfish.
This is my weakness to be overcome.
My disposition, especially in this my introverted, a little bit negative and selfish nature hasn't much changed, although I have continued to post more than 800 times.
Still there is a few upside in my tendency of acting and my blogging.
Of course, continuing blog post, not giving up totally, is one of them, although I wish I could encourage or entertain readers with my posts more.
Another upside is the improvement of my pattern of saying something negative.
When I feel down, as is often the case with me, I repeatedly say to myself that "I want to die" or "I want to commit suicide." It's really horrible when I put them into letters like this, but it has been part of my real life, and fortunately I am realizing that this shocking phrase usually doesn't describe precisely my state of mind. In most cases, I don't really think so far as to wish "to die", but actually what I really hope is that my pain or my worry will come to pass at the end of the day or at the end of the week.
Recently, I have begun to modify these shocking remarks. Although I still have tendency to refer to a desire for something destructive, but right after that I add "I want to live" or "But I want to live". This may not be a big change, but I have come to think overcome the bad habit to utter shocking words which are associated with death or suicide.
To my brain and my mouth, these rash utterances may be one of my deep-rooted bad habits from when I had struggled in elementary school, and can't easily changed. And even if I succeed to give up these utterances, battles against my pain, my worries, and my anxieties will probably continue. I just hope to describe my state of mind, exactly to the degree I really have pain in my mind and body.
This is my weakness to be overcome.
My disposition, especially in this my introverted, a little bit negative and selfish nature hasn't much changed, although I have continued to post more than 800 times.
Still there is a few upside in my tendency of acting and my blogging.
Of course, continuing blog post, not giving up totally, is one of them, although I wish I could encourage or entertain readers with my posts more.
Another upside is the improvement of my pattern of saying something negative.
When I feel down, as is often the case with me, I repeatedly say to myself that "I want to die" or "I want to commit suicide." It's really horrible when I put them into letters like this, but it has been part of my real life, and fortunately I am realizing that this shocking phrase usually doesn't describe precisely my state of mind. In most cases, I don't really think so far as to wish "to die", but actually what I really hope is that my pain or my worry will come to pass at the end of the day or at the end of the week.
Recently, I have begun to modify these shocking remarks. Although I still have tendency to refer to a desire for something destructive, but right after that I add "I want to live" or "But I want to live". This may not be a big change, but I have come to think overcome the bad habit to utter shocking words which are associated with death or suicide.
To my brain and my mouth, these rash utterances may be one of my deep-rooted bad habits from when I had struggled in elementary school, and can't easily changed. And even if I succeed to give up these utterances, battles against my pain, my worries, and my anxieties will probably continue. I just hope to describe my state of mind, exactly to the degree I really have pain in my mind and body.
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