Much of my time disturbed, many years ago

While reading a book on autism these days, I'm obtaining vocabulary to explain myself.

Much of my time has been disturbed. I won't say most of it, but at least 10 percent of my time has been disturbed.

Especially when I was in elementary school 30 years ago and when I had to find a job but I could hardly communicate 10 years ago.

When I was 9 years old, almost everyday was panic.
Even now I strongly remember that I was always crying out loud "I would rather die but I can't."
I was sometimes laid upside down or knocked down on the floor, with my arms and legs pulled by classmates. Break times between classes was far from peace and rest, if not completely a battle.

Even these days, my state mind is still slightly disturbed, but at least there is no one to blame me for being disturbed.

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