A flashback of my first three year in university

"It was a torture." If I try to describe the state of mind when I was taking a class in university in my first 3 years.

Mathematical formulas and equations flew hear and there on the blackboard.
I didn't understand even a word what the teacher said.
Students were sitting and strenuously taking notes during that 90 minutes.
I couldn't.
I sometimes cried and shouted and got away from the classroom.
I was even collapsed on one day in May of the first year, and was taken to a psychiatrist.

My major was mathematics in university.
I didn't study calculus in high school. I wasn't in science course then.
I took art and letter course in high school, hoping to enter a law school and become a lawyer.
Then I suddenly felt that it was shame that I can't understand calculus formulas science students study.
I learned calculus by myself outside classes.

"As you all learned in high school, ..." a teacher said.
"I did, but never in high school" I rejected in my mind.

The second reason that made a university class torture was my obsession, deep rooted sensation in mind. "University is a place to play and make a lot of friends."
I superficially knew and thought that a university is of course a place to study and learn deeper. It is dedicated to the purpose! However I was strongly affected with - polluted by - the sensation in my fellow student "having fun with thousands of friends, and having great experiences like traveling around the world."

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