My odd counting down training and my odd motivation of learning English
On Thursday, I was so tired that I took a break from counting habit while bathing.
Today, fortunately, I've been much recovered from that tiredness, and restarted the counting habit. I began with 17,500. In the beginning my lips and tongue was so heavy that I wanted to start after I counted down ten times, but soon after, I was beginning to be excited, trying to smile to myself in the mirror of the bathroom, and imagining myself making an important speech or address in front of large number of public as if I were President Obama in an election or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the civil rights movement. All I spoke out still was only numbers, but this imagination gave me much greater motivation to communicate each number I was to say at every moment. I also acted in a way I was wearing a big smile to give a strong message, even if all I speak out was only numbers, and soon after I was so excited that I made a big smile from the bottom of my heart. I found that I was counting numbers much more smoothly than ever before. In this way I counted from 17,500 down to 16,960.
After I finished bathing, changed clothes and went to my room upstairs, I wanted to continue to count down. I sat down in front of my laptop. I clicked the icon of Audacity, a recording app, and continued to count down. I recorded some of my counting down, and then listened to my voice I had just recorded once in a while. I found that I have a lot to do to speak like great speakers, news casters, or correspondents.
I've been so shy and so introvert that I haven't really wanted to have a conversation with a lot of people, unlike many Japanese studying English, and keeping their blogs as records of their learning progress, most of who want to travel abroad and want to have nice conversation with various people, which is the typical motivation of these learners. As for me things are quite different. My goal, although it was thing of far past more than 20 years ago, was get a high score in entrance exams of quality universities. After I entered university, I became a dropout especially in my major, mathematics, and wanted to have some other competence. I thought working hard in learning English help me with going back the track, recovering from the dropout.
I took a pose that I was interested in international matters because most people learning English is interested in them, and I was obsessed with the thought that when I learn a foreign language like English, I should be interested in international matters. Actually I tried to understand, but later I learned that I had totally missed the point and I hadn't been even really much interested in international matters. My range of interests was, and is so limited that it has been always hard to find someone who I comfortably talk about my limited interests. Basically I hid these limited interested because I thought my interest wasn't "cool" at all. I had the fear that I was seen as odd, even though I really am. Probably one of my main motivation was, and is the pleasure I feel when I know or understand something which have been strange to me. In the case of learning English, although spoken in Britain or America and although in Japan major study subject from junior high school through high school, collage, and university, no one around me really speak or communicate. In this respect English has been a language of like a fantasy world, even though people of English-speaking countries is real, people and world out of reach to me. This made English all the more mysterious and made me perceive that a language of dream world, at least a language "not here", and understanding it much has given me great satisfaction. This is probably the greatest reason for me to continue to learn English even though I don't want very much to have a lot of conversation. This also make me feel that I'm odd, but accepting that I'm odd (and the nicer expression a friend from my church told me; "I'm unique"), I'm likely to continue my language learning activities in more stable mental condition.
From a practical point of view my motivation of learning English may be out of question, but so is the way I enjoy learning English as I enjoy looking numbers and codes on trains or exteriors or specifications or other related fantasies about automobiles especially when I was child and a teenager.
Today, fortunately, I've been much recovered from that tiredness, and restarted the counting habit. I began with 17,500. In the beginning my lips and tongue was so heavy that I wanted to start after I counted down ten times, but soon after, I was beginning to be excited, trying to smile to myself in the mirror of the bathroom, and imagining myself making an important speech or address in front of large number of public as if I were President Obama in an election or Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in the civil rights movement. All I spoke out still was only numbers, but this imagination gave me much greater motivation to communicate each number I was to say at every moment. I also acted in a way I was wearing a big smile to give a strong message, even if all I speak out was only numbers, and soon after I was so excited that I made a big smile from the bottom of my heart. I found that I was counting numbers much more smoothly than ever before. In this way I counted from 17,500 down to 16,960.
After I finished bathing, changed clothes and went to my room upstairs, I wanted to continue to count down. I sat down in front of my laptop. I clicked the icon of Audacity, a recording app, and continued to count down. I recorded some of my counting down, and then listened to my voice I had just recorded once in a while. I found that I have a lot to do to speak like great speakers, news casters, or correspondents.
I've been so shy and so introvert that I haven't really wanted to have a conversation with a lot of people, unlike many Japanese studying English, and keeping their blogs as records of their learning progress, most of who want to travel abroad and want to have nice conversation with various people, which is the typical motivation of these learners. As for me things are quite different. My goal, although it was thing of far past more than 20 years ago, was get a high score in entrance exams of quality universities. After I entered university, I became a dropout especially in my major, mathematics, and wanted to have some other competence. I thought working hard in learning English help me with going back the track, recovering from the dropout.
I took a pose that I was interested in international matters because most people learning English is interested in them, and I was obsessed with the thought that when I learn a foreign language like English, I should be interested in international matters. Actually I tried to understand, but later I learned that I had totally missed the point and I hadn't been even really much interested in international matters. My range of interests was, and is so limited that it has been always hard to find someone who I comfortably talk about my limited interests. Basically I hid these limited interested because I thought my interest wasn't "cool" at all. I had the fear that I was seen as odd, even though I really am. Probably one of my main motivation was, and is the pleasure I feel when I know or understand something which have been strange to me. In the case of learning English, although spoken in Britain or America and although in Japan major study subject from junior high school through high school, collage, and university, no one around me really speak or communicate. In this respect English has been a language of like a fantasy world, even though people of English-speaking countries is real, people and world out of reach to me. This made English all the more mysterious and made me perceive that a language of dream world, at least a language "not here", and understanding it much has given me great satisfaction. This is probably the greatest reason for me to continue to learn English even though I don't want very much to have a lot of conversation. This also make me feel that I'm odd, but accepting that I'm odd (and the nicer expression a friend from my church told me; "I'm unique"), I'm likely to continue my language learning activities in more stable mental condition.
From a practical point of view my motivation of learning English may be out of question, but so is the way I enjoy learning English as I enjoy looking numbers and codes on trains or exteriors or specifications or other related fantasies about automobiles especially when I was child and a teenager.
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