Looking back past experience, reflecting on my mistake today
I made an mistake at work today.
I need to manage my shaky temper. Sometimes I'm fine, but sometimes I feel depressed. Up and down come up periodically, like once I'm OK, then 15 minutes later, I feel as if I were going to die, then I'm OK after another 15 minutes later...
It's been long fight with my temper since I began job training 8 years ago. At that time I learned stress coping.
I knew something was wrong and I'm easily panicked just after I entered elementary school. It was over 30 years ago. When I became a teenager, my temper seemed to have become much better, and the problem seemed to have disappeared. Later I entered university, and I have to cope with the temper problem, and besides that I had to fight with the feeling of depression, feeling that I was socially left out.
I manage to graduate, with a few years' delay of dropouts and rests. The fear that I was left out of society became real in job hunting. I couldn't say a word. I couldn't talk with anyone. All I could do was being frozen on the spot and seek for help.
Now I'm doing much better than when I was in university and when I was in job hunting, in that I know a little about how to communicate. There is still a long way to go before I'm able to communicate in a way I'm reliable enough in a business scene.
It's not the time for me to deny myself because I failed, but the time to keep this experience into the pocket of my memory so that it won't give much pain and it give as much lesson as possible, and the time to take a rest at least for a night to recover my energy to take this experience as a lesson.
I need to manage my shaky temper. Sometimes I'm fine, but sometimes I feel depressed. Up and down come up periodically, like once I'm OK, then 15 minutes later, I feel as if I were going to die, then I'm OK after another 15 minutes later...
It's been long fight with my temper since I began job training 8 years ago. At that time I learned stress coping.
I knew something was wrong and I'm easily panicked just after I entered elementary school. It was over 30 years ago. When I became a teenager, my temper seemed to have become much better, and the problem seemed to have disappeared. Later I entered university, and I have to cope with the temper problem, and besides that I had to fight with the feeling of depression, feeling that I was socially left out.
I manage to graduate, with a few years' delay of dropouts and rests. The fear that I was left out of society became real in job hunting. I couldn't say a word. I couldn't talk with anyone. All I could do was being frozen on the spot and seek for help.
Now I'm doing much better than when I was in university and when I was in job hunting, in that I know a little about how to communicate. There is still a long way to go before I'm able to communicate in a way I'm reliable enough in a business scene.
It's not the time for me to deny myself because I failed, but the time to keep this experience into the pocket of my memory so that it won't give much pain and it give as much lesson as possible, and the time to take a rest at least for a night to recover my energy to take this experience as a lesson.
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