My daily emergency life

I'm working on my "engine noise" and "emergency signal".

This morning I especially reflected on my emergency signal, how I needed one regularly and the lack of imagination that this is unusual situation, in spite and all the more I've been involved daily in troubles in interacting with people. Emergency has been part of my daily life in that I'm always feeling something wrong with me when I'm in or interacting with a socialized group.

In definition an emergency signal is for informing people with unusual accident, whereas I have needed an "emergency signal" daily, feeling something strange happening in my mind triggered by quite an ordinary daily event, giving way to the feeling of urgent.

I thought that I wasn't so different from others, such as classmates, but with further reflection, there might be critical difference between them and me.

My life so far has been the process to refine the way of these "emergency calls", instead of the one to get rid of situations which may trigger emergency state of my mind.

I'm also thinking of the impact of daily "emergency call" when I may ever be at work.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Slow Burst

My mental state is near burst. I sometimes make strange noises myself when I feel as if my brain were going to burst. I also feel that my mind is going to burst slowly with stresses from too many unreasonable things. One source of these stresses, I suppose, is the incompatibility with the standard way of socialization especially in business scenes and my characteristic sometimes described in the context of autism spectrum disorder. Even now, while I'm thinking that standard social skills in business scenes is worth learning, I scream to myself getting mad when I learn them.  Isn't just shaving my beards enough to be a salesperson? Am I going to be disadvantaged forever because the skin of my face and my head is too dry? This is one reason why I thought that I wanted to escape my country when I was 11 and 25. This made me learn some foreign language. However, I'm learning that overseas isn't so good as I dream about, especially as long as I go to public school. W...
Read more

It's my lack of confidence that is to be beaten

Autism, is it something to be removed? Or is it just another type of human being? I can't answer to this question. I, as you see, have language, and have a job. Although my struggles are real as well, I hear that there are a lot of cases of struggles many thousand times than mine. Ones who don't have language, or with serious behavioral problem. Although my behavioral problems, mainly social awkwardness, I can't answer the question whether autism is something that should be beaten. Instead, I can answer one question. I have to beat my lack of confidence through long struggles, if I want to succeed.
Read more