A Sunday Morning ...... At a service I caused noises, heard real ones, and heard ones from my mind
I shouted out aloud when I was singing a worship song.
In the middle of the prayer, I suddenly uttered "All cars are no smoking. Please refrain from talking on the phone near the priority seat when crowded." I should have been refrain from uttering them. I continued, "The next station is ...... you can transfer hear to XYZ line." It was impossible for me to communicate that I'm in a mental distress."
I was slow to do everything Sunday morning. Had I practiced skiing too hard? Maybe.
Was I lonely? Maybe. I wasn't fast enough to keep up with tempo of the first 2 songs.
I wasn't calm enough. I wore earplugs ...... actually I didn't wear ones, but I plugged my ears with my hands, buzzing and humming by myself at 11:00 a.m.
I was drawing diagrams of theories of computer and operating system of a kind when the service was about to end.
I shouted and mumbled incomprehensible things. I guess I sometimes looked less intelligent than two-year-old kids.
I remembered the phrases from a book by a guy with autism. "No one prefers to be alone." I objected to this remark. "I often prefers to be alone ..... as long as I'm not lonely. For example I love bicycling roads in a country side near home alone, thinking and singing to myself. I especially feel lonely when a company seems to within my reach but actually can't have any conversation because of some barriers."
I was exactly in this situation. This was why I was frustrated. I was frustrated. It's not until now from I was actually in a distress today that I remember the word "frustrated".
Inside the chapel the message was going on, telling us that remembering Bible verses is important not to be defeated by temptations. I was shouting once in a while, and I was hearing shouts in addition to what sounded there, the gospel message for this week, screams, footsteps, and noises of toys from kids.
I caused noises in the worship service once in a while.
I heard noises from my head once in a while, in addition to what actually sounded.
I tried to tell how I suffered, I was heard, but it wasn't enough to clear the fog in my mind.
It was clear, a bit windy, melting the snow that had fallen last night outside.
Inside, my mind, was foggy, stormy, and shaky.
In the middle of the prayer, I suddenly uttered "All cars are no smoking. Please refrain from talking on the phone near the priority seat when crowded." I should have been refrain from uttering them. I continued, "The next station is ...... you can transfer hear to XYZ line." It was impossible for me to communicate that I'm in a mental distress."
I was slow to do everything Sunday morning. Had I practiced skiing too hard? Maybe.
Was I lonely? Maybe. I wasn't fast enough to keep up with tempo of the first 2 songs.
I wasn't calm enough. I wore earplugs ...... actually I didn't wear ones, but I plugged my ears with my hands, buzzing and humming by myself at 11:00 a.m.
I was drawing diagrams of theories of computer and operating system of a kind when the service was about to end.
I shouted and mumbled incomprehensible things. I guess I sometimes looked less intelligent than two-year-old kids.
I remembered the phrases from a book by a guy with autism. "No one prefers to be alone." I objected to this remark. "I often prefers to be alone ..... as long as I'm not lonely. For example I love bicycling roads in a country side near home alone, thinking and singing to myself. I especially feel lonely when a company seems to within my reach but actually can't have any conversation because of some barriers."
I was exactly in this situation. This was why I was frustrated. I was frustrated. It's not until now from I was actually in a distress today that I remember the word "frustrated".
Inside the chapel the message was going on, telling us that remembering Bible verses is important not to be defeated by temptations. I was shouting once in a while, and I was hearing shouts in addition to what sounded there, the gospel message for this week, screams, footsteps, and noises of toys from kids.
I caused noises in the worship service once in a while.
I heard noises from my head once in a while, in addition to what actually sounded.
I tried to tell how I suffered, I was heard, but it wasn't enough to clear the fog in my mind.
It was clear, a bit windy, melting the snow that had fallen last night outside.
Inside, my mind, was foggy, stormy, and shaky.
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