A slightly positive way to say "I want to die" when in depression

I said to myself "I want to die" again.
I know it's bad thing. I want to bring this tendency in a slightly better direction.
May be I want to do this again some time.
Then what if I make up my mind that I say this ten thousand times before I die?
This idea has brought me in a slightly better direction.
Next work to do is to change the thing I repeat into slightly constructive one.

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