Light work at church
In the morning, when I go to church I was in more then worst condition.
It took 2 hours for me to able to talk to somebody else.
Until then I was hardly capable of ask for help.
In the middle of sermon, I made a sharp sound when I tried to cope with hyperventilation.
I exited, and entered the chapel as my condition change.
Sometimes I went outside to the garden and cried out loud, "why do I have to show up myself and show my condition where I'm mentally out of control".
I knew no one really hated me, as long as I don't cause a critical trouble or as long as I persist in making noise inside the chapel. When inside my mind became noisy, what I have to do was go outside so that I wouldn't interrupt the listeners of the sermon.
The service ended and it was time to have lunch with church members.
I could hardly whether to lunch there or eat out somewhere else, I was so incapable of deciding what to do. Even now I feel so. I was there when members prepared for lunch and serving. Finally, I had lunch there together.
After the lunch there were tasks of putting away desks and chairs as well as doing dishes.
I participated in some of these light work, because I was still incapable of decide whether to remain or go home. After doing, my heart became much lighter, and it was so improved that I had some conversations with the members.
It's a shame that I can't be proper 7 days of a week, and on Sunday I have to show the worst the most tired part of myself. How about other people? Have I ever even tried to look at and care for other people's tiredness? Other people looked to me so proper that I, when I was too tired to walk straight stepping feet one after another, haven't imagined that how they fight on weekdays and what an oasis the Sunday's service would me. Regretfully, in my case, it could be this way, but in most times, it's a place I have to show my chaos and my behavior affected with my chaotic state of mind.
Light work at church help me make my mind much lighter, and I'm going to go to Sendai every morning and do my daily work next 5 days.
It took 2 hours for me to able to talk to somebody else.
Until then I was hardly capable of ask for help.
In the middle of sermon, I made a sharp sound when I tried to cope with hyperventilation.
I exited, and entered the chapel as my condition change.
Sometimes I went outside to the garden and cried out loud, "why do I have to show up myself and show my condition where I'm mentally out of control".
I knew no one really hated me, as long as I don't cause a critical trouble or as long as I persist in making noise inside the chapel. When inside my mind became noisy, what I have to do was go outside so that I wouldn't interrupt the listeners of the sermon.
The service ended and it was time to have lunch with church members.
I could hardly whether to lunch there or eat out somewhere else, I was so incapable of deciding what to do. Even now I feel so. I was there when members prepared for lunch and serving. Finally, I had lunch there together.
After the lunch there were tasks of putting away desks and chairs as well as doing dishes.
I participated in some of these light work, because I was still incapable of decide whether to remain or go home. After doing, my heart became much lighter, and it was so improved that I had some conversations with the members.
It's a shame that I can't be proper 7 days of a week, and on Sunday I have to show the worst the most tired part of myself. How about other people? Have I ever even tried to look at and care for other people's tiredness? Other people looked to me so proper that I, when I was too tired to walk straight stepping feet one after another, haven't imagined that how they fight on weekdays and what an oasis the Sunday's service would me. Regretfully, in my case, it could be this way, but in most times, it's a place I have to show my chaos and my behavior affected with my chaotic state of mind.
Light work at church help me make my mind much lighter, and I'm going to go to Sendai every morning and do my daily work next 5 days.
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