Error 555 on my sketchbook

At today's worship service, I was very uneasy because I couldn't keep up with the pace people talk, but too tired to become restless.

I tried to draw something on my sketchbook, but I couldn't draw well anything. Finally I began to write the letter 5 one after another. If I were energetic as I used to be (and as confused as today), I would fill one sheet of the book with letters which are all 5, but actually I ended writing 5 with 130 letters, which was one third of the sheet.

When I first come to live in Sendai, this kind of error of my mind happened almost all Sundays, not knowing how to behave and even hoping that somebody decide that I wasn't a person to be there.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Slow Burst

My mental state is near burst. I sometimes make strange noises myself when I feel as if my brain were going to burst. I also feel that my mind is going to burst slowly with stresses from too many unreasonable things. One source of these stresses, I suppose, is the incompatibility with the standard way of socialization especially in business scenes and my characteristic sometimes described in the context of autism spectrum disorder. Even now, while I'm thinking that standard social skills in business scenes is worth learning, I scream to myself getting mad when I learn them.  Isn't just shaving my beards enough to be a salesperson? Am I going to be disadvantaged forever because the skin of my face and my head is too dry? This is one reason why I thought that I wanted to escape my country when I was 11 and 25. This made me learn some foreign language. However, I'm learning that overseas isn't so good as I dream about, especially as long as I go to public school. W...
Read more

It's my lack of confidence that is to be beaten

Autism, is it something to be removed? Or is it just another type of human being? I can't answer to this question. I, as you see, have language, and have a job. Although my struggles are real as well, I hear that there are a lot of cases of struggles many thousand times than mine. Ones who don't have language, or with serious behavioral problem. Although my behavioral problems, mainly social awkwardness, I can't answer the question whether autism is something that should be beaten. Instead, I can answer one question. I have to beat my lack of confidence through long struggles, if I want to succeed.
Read more