Waiting for the green light in my mind

I reviewed the recent one month. When I look at my mind the traffic light in it has always been yellow since the middle of February. If I strictly comply with the traffic rule, I must stop, but I continued to go ahead anyway because I have to go to work, hoping with reasonable amount of weekend rests it would turn to green. So far I've never seen unconditionally green light until then. In this period, I lived my daily life struggling with my inner obstacles; sore muscles, alarms and sirens in my brain which scream loudly inside years and sometimes sounded like "I'm gonna die", "I'm totally jerk", which often made me plug my yeas in spite of no noise heard outside. At least two times of the week I dragged my feet to the workplace in the morning seeing off almost all pedestrians walking faster than I and passing by.

It may be because of the fatigue of eyes with long hours of PC work. I also feel other people speaking too fast, and stressed by the particular way of speaking, especially when punctuations are ignored and unclear pronunciation. This may be a symptom of my bad condition rather than the cause, because if it were the cause, I can't well explain that recently I also tend to feel frustrated with the speech by ordinary people.

To see green light again, it's clear that my condition should be cured. It may take double the amount of rest I originally estimated, and I also need to meet with some people who give practical assistance. I planned to meet with the doctor in the clinic I regularly go. I also planned to meet with the social workers who I discuss my problems with work life, human relationships, and my disability.

I hope to see green light again and go out for work with full vigor.