Worn out, hearing screams, thinking of what others want, and recovery
I hope that I want to do something by the end of this month.
My mood is still low, but I also felt the sign of recovery, just like I'm seeing the darkness of a dawn, like around 5a.m. with a hope to become bright soon.
I haven't been fallen the point that I can never ride a train or meet anyone, but in a recent month I felt a pain of a kind in which I feel as if I hear someone (myself) screaming from a pain or a painful thought or some bad news about international affairs or finding myself giving into the temptation of comparison.
The problem with me is now I'm not able to appreciate myself as I've been much progressed in that I go to work every day and collaborate with my co-workers with fair amount of communication. When my awareness of what I can do is week, it's helpful to find someone who is ready to listen. I'm really grateful that the existence of this kind of people, who help me with discover myself doing well in spite I can only do terribly in some areas and my eyes tend to go the areas I only can do terribly.
Writing this, self image is a problem to be sure, but how horrible it is I always feeling pain as if someone were screaming suddenly when I'm sitting still, or I'm on the train, and suddenly I find myself in a temptation to say I'm going to die or something more horrible.
Someone, through the Web, told that I may need a lot of rest because I'm physically and psychologically worn out, and I need to choose the type of rest now passive, calm kind of rest rather than active ones like going out leisurely.
I hope that I will become a person who can listen to someone else, and give benefit to someone else, but I've been tried too hard the way of thinking and behaviors I haven't been used to.
I should be careful enough that imagining what other people feel or want takes huge energy, probably because I'm on the autism spectrum, and continue my effort little by little, at a pace that I won't be totally worn out.
My mood is still low, but I also felt the sign of recovery, just like I'm seeing the darkness of a dawn, like around 5a.m. with a hope to become bright soon.
I haven't been fallen the point that I can never ride a train or meet anyone, but in a recent month I felt a pain of a kind in which I feel as if I hear someone (myself) screaming from a pain or a painful thought or some bad news about international affairs or finding myself giving into the temptation of comparison.
The problem with me is now I'm not able to appreciate myself as I've been much progressed in that I go to work every day and collaborate with my co-workers with fair amount of communication. When my awareness of what I can do is week, it's helpful to find someone who is ready to listen. I'm really grateful that the existence of this kind of people, who help me with discover myself doing well in spite I can only do terribly in some areas and my eyes tend to go the areas I only can do terribly.
Writing this, self image is a problem to be sure, but how horrible it is I always feeling pain as if someone were screaming suddenly when I'm sitting still, or I'm on the train, and suddenly I find myself in a temptation to say I'm going to die or something more horrible.
Someone, through the Web, told that I may need a lot of rest because I'm physically and psychologically worn out, and I need to choose the type of rest now passive, calm kind of rest rather than active ones like going out leisurely.
I hope that I will become a person who can listen to someone else, and give benefit to someone else, but I've been tried too hard the way of thinking and behaviors I haven't been used to.
I should be careful enough that imagining what other people feel or want takes huge energy, probably because I'm on the autism spectrum, and continue my effort little by little, at a pace that I won't be totally worn out.
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