My self image as a nasty classmate, and lack of consciousness that I want something

In elementary school, I had troubles almost every day.

The majority of the classmates seemed not to like to talk with me.

Sometimes, the classmates even made a rule not to speak a word with me.

I was miserable when I needed to talk in our daily task.
I talked to a classmate, but I didn't have no response.
To draw a response from him, my action escalated.
I talked loudly, cried, and screamed, but he just turned his back.
I collapsed on the spot and cried and cried. It was a total meltdown.
I heard from my back words like, "he does this because he needs attention, and we don't buy it."
Teachers also said similar things.

At that time, I didn't really know what I felt and what I needed exactly, but through the comments I heard from my back convinced me that at that time I had such a nasty motivation.

I didn't even doubt this self image as being a jerk, until recently, when I read a book written by an author on the autism spectrum.

Did I really have such nasty motivation? Now I doubt.
All I needed was doing my task successfully, or even when I was more selfish, I just wanted to talk about what I was interested in.

I got new concept about what I needed at that time just recently, but by the time I became 25 years old I doubted that I even understood the concept of what I wanted. In my childhood, I guess I definitely and instinctively wanted something, and went for it, but I think I wasn't conscious about that at that time. Probably I was too underdeveloped to be conscious that I want something.